Kashmir is safe for a Dream Holiday

Kashmir is variously described as a Paradise on Earth, a dreamland destination., a crown Jewel on the map of India. It is all these and much more. As my wife and I discovered during `a dream come true` trip to this land where many holiday ideas are realized. Where the honey-dewed orchards, flower-carpeted meadows, rippling lakes and blue skies, icy mountains beckon everyone to sample the many delights of the Valley.


After 40 years of wedding bliss, When I took the decision to help my wife Prabha realize her Childhood dream and looked for some friends to accompany us – there was a general reluctance. As people are still worried about the safety and security of tourists in Kashmir. However, the travel Agent who coordinated our trip assured us that Kashmir was quite safe and that a few groups that he had sent to Kashmir last year returned with very happy memories!

They also offered us the company of Laxmi and Narasimha Swamy a couple from Vizag, who were courageous enough to undertake the trip along with us. We could not have asked for better companions as they were fun to be with.

It was a pleasure cum pilgrimage trip. In the first lap of the journey we visited Srinagar – the city famous for its Dal lake and Mughal gardens, Sonmarg known as a gateway to Ladakh , Gulmarg – the meadow of flowers and Pahelgam – valley of Shepherds. In the second lap we visited the famous Vaishnodevi Temple in Katra about 55 kms from Jammu.

This article is not only about the scenic beauty of Kashmir valley but also about our special experiences and my impressions about the places and people of Kashmir.

Beginnings of a dream holiday

Our flight to Srinagar from Delhi via Jammu was routine except that we had for company the Chief Minister of Omar Abdulla traveling with us. From the airport we were taken straight to the Boat house – Bendemeer – on the famous Dal Lake, where we were booked to spend a night. From Gate no 9, on the Dal gate, the road running parallel to the Dal lake , we were tranfered to our Boat House in a Shikara – a small manually operated boat used for transporting the visitors from the road to the boats and for pleasure rides in the Lake. Each Boat house has a Shikara attached to it which the tourists of the particular boat house can use free of charge. Our well appointed Boat House had a reception hall, dining hall, pantry and four double bed rooms. It was a modest accommodation overlooking the lake.

After a quick wash, we returned to the Dal gate on the same Shikara to begin our trip to various places. The highlight of the visit on the first day was the visit to the picturesque Tulip Gardens which can be seen only for a month in April, every year, when the flower blossoms. We were lucky to witness the fascinating variety of Tulips in myriad colours and varieties, spread across the huge garden.

On our return we took a joy ride in the lake sitting in our Shikara. We passed through hundreds of boat houses and a section devoted to a floating market where daily necessities are sold. During this trip we came across a no of salesmen in Boats trying to sell a variety of gift articles. A word of caution: Even the reduced prices of articles in these boats are atleast 50% higher than outside.

Relaxing in the front area of the Boat house in the evening, we were captivated by the beautiful scenary provided by the setting sun behind the mountains. In the night when the lights are switched on by all the boats – Dal lake becomes Golden lake, thanks to the reflection of thousands of amber coloured lights in the water.

On the second day after checking into a hotel, we visited the Shankaracharya temple located on a small hillock., a high octoganol plinth known as Takth-i-Sulaiman.. The site dates back to 250 BC. It is believed that Adi Shankaracharya performed Tapas in a cave here, which is still preserved for public viewing. This is the only tourist spot where we saw strict security managed by local police, who also were preparing and distributing `Rice Payas(am)`as Prasad(am) to all devotees. From the hillock you get a picturesque view of Srinagar and the lakes- Dal and the less famous Nageen lake-surrounding it. The temple is a must visit destination for all the Hindus.

Though we visited Nishat Gardens, Chasma Shahi and Shalimar Gardens all forming part of the Mughal Gardens. we were disappointed as we did not see enough varieties. We were told that the gardens will be in full bloom only in May/June.

We had heard that Srinagar used to be teeming with security forces and barricades on every street. But the situation has obviously changed. Because the area around Dal lake and other places we visited were teeming with tourists from all over India. The security forces were conspicuous by their absence.

While the breakfast and dinners were taken care of by the Hotels where we stayed thanks to a package deal, we had our lunches in local restaurants or Dabhas serving a wide variety of cuisines- including Idlis and Dosas and the ubiquitous Aloo Parathas. We were happy with the food we got during our stay in Kashimir. On the evening of the second day the hotel had arranged for a musical evening by some local singers in the Lobby. Since it was too noisy, we decided to it and have an early meal and retire.

The third day we took a trip to Sonmarg where I had an unforgettable experience!

Experiences of a lifetime

In Kashmir, they say, the weather is like Bombay fashion - it keeps changing every day. Fortunately, the day we visited Sonmarg it was bright and sunny. The snow clad mountain was beckoning the visitors to enjoy, not only the breathtakingly beautiful scenary but also participate in the fun activity of riding on a sledge board & skating on the ice wearing the special gum boots available on hire. Since it was the first time she was seeing snow and ice, Prabha was excited. .As the surface was slippery, we were advised to hire a ‘sledge’ with two boys as helpers. After you sit on the sledge one boy pulls the sledge with a rope and another pushes the sledge while going up the mountain. I found it extremely difficult to sit on the sledge with stretched legs and my protruding tummy and so opted to walk up the mountain, holding on to one of the helper. Beyond a point the men in the group of four decided to stay back. Prabha, however, with her child like enthusiasm, decided to take the risk of continuing with the adventure of going up the Icy mountain, accompanied by Laxmi who was constantly encouraging her to take up the challenge. While the gentlemen were standing and praying, the ladies managed to reach the top of the mountain from where they were shown the path leading to Amarnath. Prabha felt as if she had conquered the Mount Everest.

While the climb up is strenuous and takes almost 60 minutes , one can slide down fast to the starting point in 5 minutes, supported by one of the helpers sitting on the sledge. Watching Prabha and Laxmi having fun sliding down, I also gathered courage to sit behind the helper on the sledge, holding on to him for dear life and sliding back to the starting point. It was a thrilling experience.

While I escaped any accident walking up or sliding down the slippery snow clad mountain, when I stepped out of the sledge and put forward my right leg to stand up, it went down the loose ice right upto the thigh. Visual images of people going down quick sands passed through my mind . I really got frightened and screamed. Two boys had to pull me out to safety. Though there were other trekking possibilities, shaken by my experience, we decided to pack up and return to the safety of our hotel room.

At Gulmarg, which is about 90 minutes drive from Srinagar and famous for film shootings, I had my first experience of riding a horse. For a heavy man like me, made heavier by the hired big overcoat and gum boots and looking like an Eskimo, getting on top of the horse was itself an ordeal, The helper guided me to insert one foot in the foot rest on the left of the horse and asked me to hold on to him and throw my right leg to the other side so that I can sit on the saddle of the tall horse. After two failed attempts I finally managed to get on top of the horse, much to the amusement of the onlookers and collateral damage to some parts of my body- as I discovered later.

The ride itself was not comfortable. After sometime, thanks to the up and down jerks during the ride, I found my feet and back hurting, thighs becoming numb and at one point, I became panicky because my chest started paining. I asked the helper to stop and took deep breaths while praying the almighty for a safe journey. I even offered to sacrifice whatever hair I have on my bald pate to Lord Balaji at Tirupathi. Lord obviously responded to my appeal because soon I felt some relief and we carried on. Unfortunately, by the time we got on to the `Gondola`- the cable car which takes the tourists to the upland meadows of Kongdori `at 9000ft and beyond to the top of Apharwat range at a height of 14000ft for viewing the Himalayan peaks in Summer and for downhill skiing in winter - the weather turned murky and it started snowing. Watching the snow falling was again a first time experience for Prabha and she was delighted! Standing in the middle of vast expanse of white ice gave me goos pimples.

Like in Sonmarg, at the top of the icy mountains in Gulmarg – skating and skiing were in full swing. Since we had already experienced it at Sonmarg, we were content throwing ice balls at each other like kids! Prabha was also busy making `Ice Lingams`.

After a night halt at a hotel in Gulmarg, we proceeded to Pehelgam, which is situated at the confluence of the Sheshnag and Lidder river streams. Pahelgam, again has beautiful icy mountains, picturesque Valleys – Aru Valley and Betaab Valley ( so named because the shooting of the Hindi film Betaab featuring Sanjay Dutt and Amrita singh was held here).

Pehelgam is the place where lakhs of pilgrims assemble in June every year to start on the Amarnathji Yatra from Chandanwari- the last village in Pehelgam, trekking for three days to see the the Shivling made of ice in the Amarnath caves - which waxes and wanes with the moon.

The single road Mall in Pehelgam has well appointed shops selling a variety of gift items, peculiar to Kashmir. We picked up our quota of saffron, walnut and other dry fruits famous in the area. We also tasted Kauva, a special Kashmiri drink, offered instead of tea, made with hot water, cardamum, honey, some nuts and a dash of saffron.

As it was the flowering season, during our trips on the road, we saw miles and miles of apple trees with white flowers and no apples. Another popular activity is the cultivation of mustard plants. Vast areas covered with green and yellow mustard fields look like beautiful carpets spread on the earth. especially when viewed from the aircraft as the flight is on a descent to land at the Srinagar airport. We also got to see some saffron fields.

Simple folks

Kashmiris we saw during our trip were generally serious but friendly people. We did not come across any boisterous Kashmiri! Most of them are very fair and good looking. Men are well built and handsome. Kashmiris - especially men with a generous girth in the centre are rare to find. May be they were hidden behind the long overcoat called `Pheran` which every one wears during cold weather, with hands tucked inside the coats. Women are beautiful with chiseled features. Though they are poor they are all proud of their land. Almost every one eagerly asks you` Do you like Kashmir?`

A beauracrat in the Kashmir Government , who was seated next to us on the flight to Srinagar, was proud to talk about Kashmir`s beauty. With great enthusiasm he was pointing out the beautiful snow clad Peer Panja mountains glistening in the Sun, like silver mountains, passing below us.

Kashmir is cold throughout the year, though the intensity varies between Summers and Winters. While rich can afford to have heaters at home and in their cars, the common people carry a small portable heater basket called `Kangdi` with coal fire, hung around their necks . Or they sit on it to keep themselves warm.

Struggling Economy

Travelling by road to Pahelgam through the villages of Kashmir, we did not find signs of any progress anywhere. The villages are plain and simple with hardly any activity, as the men folks are away working at tourist spots earning their livelihood. However I was impressed with the sight of hoards of boys and girls in uniforms going to schools. I understand that the current government is laying a lot of emphasis on providing free education for children.

Some development is happening in the infrastructure sectors like roads and telecom. The only highway connecting Srinagar to Jammu (300kms) is being converted into a four lane road. You can see almost everyone carrying a mobile- another word of caution: only post paid facility is allowed in Kashmir. Your mobiles with prepaid facilty will not work here.

Though we saw massive new housing activities near the new Srinagar Airport on the out skirts of the city, we did not come across a single multi-storied building. It was interesting to note that there were no concrete structures in Kashmir. Most of the houses and buildings we saw were built with bricks and having slopy tin roofings with wooden frames., obviously to allow the snow or ice to slide down the roofs. It was also evident that a lot more needs to be done in terms of power and public transport. There is no rail connectivity within Kashmir. Public transport is restricted to buses, taxis and autos..

A manager of a local company whom I met said, ‘the last four years the situation has certainly improved a lot. It is a pity that the media is only giving negative publicity based on sporadic incidents happening in specific locations. Please tell your friends that Kashmir is safe today -especially all the tourist spots like Srinagar, Sonmarg, Gulmarg and Pehelgam. if more and more people visit this state from across the country and abroad, the economy of the state will automatically improve’.

But the catch is that tourism can give employment only for six months in a year because of the extreme weather in winter months. And the supply of manpower to tourism industry far exceeds the demand, resulting in severe competition for available jobs in the industry. Most of the people we spoke to in our trip repeatedly said that they have to earn enough money in six months to take care of their family during the rest of the months when they have no jobs to do. If the government creates conducive atmosphere for industries to invest in the State, providing employment throughout the year, Kashmiris can really look forward to a better future., which should also help in resolving the contentious Kashmir issue, once and for all.

You can also do your bit to help the cause by planning your dream holiday to this much neglected Paradise on Earth, because Kashmir is now safe for travel. My wife and I have done our bit and in return have been rewarded with beautiful memories, which we will cherish for the rest of our lives.

Useful Tips

1. Kashmir is safe. You can now confidently plan a trip to this Paradise on Earth with your family. Do it when you are still young so that you can participate in all the adventurous activities.

2. Try to finalise your plan a few months ahead and take advantage of economy rates of Air carriers and other tourist facilities

3. If you are planning to use the railways, please note that train services are available only upto Jammu. Beyond that you have to travel by road or air to reach Srinagar

4. Take enough warm clothings including monkey caps, gloves and woollen socks which will be required when you go picnicking at the top of icy mountains. Temperature range from 2oC to -5oC even during day time in March and April. I understand that June to August are comparatively warmer months.

5. Though you can book online for most of the facilities I would advise you to use the services of a travel agency in your town, who is familiar with the facilities available in J&K to serve different pockets and also has local contacts in Kashmir to address any special problems you may face.

6. Take enough supply of medicines you regularly use. You may not get specific medicines if you run out of stock.

7. Please note prepaid mobiles don’t work in Kashmir. Carry a mobile with post paid facility.

8. If you are the type who likes his two `chotas` or `badas` in the evening to keep yourself warm and spirited, please carry your own stock. There are no liquor shops or Bars in Kashmir.

9. If you are fussy about your food or tired of eating outside every day, I would advise you to carry some Podis & Vatha Kuzhambu paste and packets of banana chips. You can always whip up your favourite meal because cooked white rice and curds are available in every restaurant in Hotels.

10. Hindi is the most commonly used language in Kashmir. You can however get away with English because even the attenders in restaurants and vendors can understand some English.

11. Beware of touts and agents at the picnic spots on the icy mountains who help hire the special gears required to walk on the cold mountains. They can persuade you to part with more cash than necessary.

Is this fair advertising

Following article has been published by `Eves Touch` a monthly women`s magazine published from Chennai, in their April,2012 issue. Giving the valedictory address at the 10th Anniversary International Conference of Consumers Association of India, Union Minister of State for Consumer Affairs; Mr. K V Thomas said that the Government was aware of advertisements that were not based on scientifically proven data, finding place in the media and warned of strong action against such publicity. In spite of the Consumer Protection Act 1986, Drug and Magic Remedies Act (Objectionable Advertisements Act) and the Cable Television Network Regulation Act to prevent misleading Advertisements; such ads are growing in number, taking the gullible consumers for a ride. ‘Reduce up to 10 Kg a week’, ‘get fair and glowing skin in ten days’, ‘have long and shiny hair in two weeks` or `become a chick-magnet in one spray’ – Claims such as these are what drives the sales of many health and beauty related products in the market. It is a well-known fact that as many dark men use fair & lovely cream as women, who are the primary targets – so much so that Emami has come up with a “Fair-Ever Cream” specially targeted at men. A young man lured by a television commercial showing a bevy of beautiful women falling over a young man because he was using a particular brand of deodorant spray bought a can to try his luck. Having sprayed himself with a generous portion of the liquid he stood outside the gate of a woman’s college only to find that not a single girl even glanced at him. He wrote a letter of protest to the company, accusing them of cheating him! For every such consumer who complains about a non-performing product, there are millions of consumers who continue to use a product hoping that it will help them in fulfilling their dreams and desires! The success of Fair & Lovely cream not only in India but also in African countries is a classic example of a product which exploits the weakness of human beings for fairer skin. If you visit the streets of some towns in Tamilnadu on a Friday morning, you will find many women with a distinct yellow layer on their hands and faces walking around – all of them have had an oil bath and have applied a generous dose of turmeric paste on their face and hands to make them look fairer! In their minds, yellow is better than black! Similarly men in South India are well known for applying generous portions of body talc powder on their faces after every bath to make themselves look fairer. It is this weakness of human beings to be what they are not that is exploited by manufacturers across the world. Resulting in misleading ads helping both the manufacturers and media, rake in huge profits. Who is to blame for this? The companies who produce such products or the media which disseminates information about the products, or the government which has failed to implement the Acts that are already in existence to protect consumers from such ads. More than anybody else I would blame the consumers themselves for falling for such ads. What else can you say for consumers, mainly middle class, who even today fall into the trap of companies or individuals promising higher returns for their investments, resulting in millions of people losing their hard earned money to fraudsters? Is there no remedy? Is there a forum to which genuinely affected consumers can take their grievances to? Thanks to the Consumer Protection Act 1986 and establishment of District Consumer Forums across the country, consumers can get speedy redressal for their complaints, provided they follow a certain procedure while buying any product – Always insist on a bill when buying any product and keep it safely for a length of time. Check the expiry date and MRP (Maximum retail price). In the event of a product not performing as per promises made, register a complaint through a letter or a mail and keep a file of the correspondence with the dealer or the company in the matter. It is in this context that organizations like Consumers Association of India (CAI for short) can help you. In the last 10 years of its existence CAI has handled nearly 10000 complaints from consumers, 98% of which got resolved without even going to any consumer forum. CAI now also has a system in place by which you can register your complaints through your mobiles (Visit CAI website for details www.caiindia.org.) Those conscientious citizens who feel agitated seeing blatantly misleading ads also can register their complaints with the Advertising Standards Council of India (www.ascionline.org) ASCI is a self-regulatory voluntary organization of the advertising industry formed by all its stakeholders; advertising agencies, media, advertisers and consumers. The Consumer Complaints Council (CCC) of ASCI examines the complaints received from the public and if found legitimate requests the concerned company to stop such misleading advertisements. It has been found that in almost 80% of the cases the companies do respond positively to the ASCI` request. Though there is a time lag between the complaint and action taken, at least consumers now have a body to which they can refer their complaints. As per latest information received, ASCI is instituting a system by which it will retain the services of voluntary agencies to go through the thousands of advertisements in Print and television media on a regular basis and revert to them with details of misleading ads so that they can initiate action faster than the earlier system of waiting for receiving complaints from Consumers. `Is the consumer really a King today?`was the theme for the just concluded 10th anniversary International Conference held by Consumers Association of India. The deliberations of the conference highlighted the fact that though there are enough Acts in the country to protect consumer`s interests, it is the consumer who is not exercising his rights and responsibilities because either he/she is unaware of the same or is lazy to take up cudgels with the authorities concerned. When will the Indian consumer wake up to legitimately claim the crown of a King or Queen? Feedback welcome on 9840392082 or email: rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Instant Marriage Solutions

“From Kolam to Kattu Sadam; from the traditional Rangoli out side the wedding hall to the packed meals given to departing groom`s party, we will take care of everything” scream advertisements in many family magazines.

“You have the bride and groom ready? – come to us, we will take care of all wedding arrangements- you just sign the cheque!” says another advertisement.

“Your NRI son is coming and he has just three weeks to find a bride and take her back to USA? Don’t worry; we have a package deal under which we will take care of all your requirements”

Managing weddings is big business and many chief cooks turned marriage contractors have found this truth and are laughing all the way to their banks. The concept of labour contracts for weddings has become almost non existent. Fortunately when I conducted the mega wedding of my eldest daughter, eighteen years ago, I could find a good cook who agreed to such an arrangement and I saved a couple of lakhs in terms of expenses. I had, of course, a whole battery of relatives, friends and office staff to help me manage the event!

Times have changed. In this stressful world people who claim that they have no time for anything are constantly looking for instant solutions to their problems. A family wedding is one such situation; leading to proliferation of wedding specialists catering to a variety of pockets.

Like in any service business, there are well known contractors who don’t accept contracts which do not fulfill their minimum billing requirements. Most of the contractors charge the wedding parties based on the number of meals to be served to guests and extra support required. The rate for a typical vegetarian South Indian meal in Chennai varies from Rs 200 per plate to Rs 500 per plate depending on the menu and the reputation of the contractor!

Apart from chief cooks turned marriage contractors today there are a whole host of Event Managers who also specialize in managing big weddings on a turn key basis. From helping in designing fancy invitation cards, to providing theme based hall decorations. planning a 70 course multi-cuisine meal, managing the travel and stay arrangements of outstation guests, providing wholesome entertainment including special appearance of some Bollywood or Kollywood star(for a fee of course) and generally looking after every guest including a nice parting gift, the event manager takes care of everything. Depending on the depth of a client`s pockets, the event manager can help blow up the not-so-hard earned black money to massage people`s ever bloating egos!

Investing in Wedding Halls is a good business to be in- because boys and girls are forever getting married looking for a place to tie the knot in front of friends and relatives!

Good marriage halls are booked years in advance. In fact it is not unusual for a bride`s father to book a famous hall first and then looking for the bride-groom. I know of a friend who tried this approach only to find that his daughter had already found her life partner from another community, had a registered marriage and then announced the news to her family. Though my friend felt let down, the positive side of the story is that he saved on the huge amount he would have otherwise spent on a grand wedding!

Marriages are made in Heaven- is an old saying. Today most of the marriages are made in cyberspace! Brides and Grooms try to find their life partners through the Internet, try to understand each other through chats on the net , mobiles or through web cameras and Skypes before saying `Yes`. It is not unusual for the bride and groom to meet each other just a couple of days before the wedding! It is another matter that many such instant marriages fall apart within a couple of months because of physical incompatibility, something, a couple can find out only when they live together under the same roof!

Like everything instant – instant coffee, instant foods, instant medicare- providing Instant Marriage Solutions has come to stay as a huge business opportunity for the multi talented marriage contractors and the event managers. Cheers to them!

Feedback welcome on 9840392082 or email:rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Thrilling moments

All of us go through the inevitable ups and downs in our lives. We have our happiest moments, saddest moments, and memorable moments. When someone asks you what the thrilling moments of your lives were, what would be your response? Is a thrilling moment any way different from a memorable or happy moment? Oxford dictionary defines thrill as `a sudden strong feeling of pleasure or excitement`.

I consider the following as the most thrilling moments of my life:

Like millions of children from a lower middle class family, I grew up in a small one room tenement in a Bombay chawl. The 280 sq. ft room had no place for any kind of furniture leave alone writing tables and chairs for children. As a school student I used to long for a table and chair. But there was no hope with my father’s meager income supporting a big family. So I decided to help myself. As a resourceful person even as a kid I assembled a writing table using the discarded deal wood planks which I picked up from the fruit market adjacent to our chawl. With two planks forming the two legs and one as the top, a functional table was ready.

I can never forget the thrill I experienced when I sat on a multipurpose stool in front of the so called table and put my fountain pen on a notebook to write. At last I had a table to write on!

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Life rolled on. I took up advertising as a career. I moved up in life. Moved to Chennai to take up a new job, when God willed it that I build a house of my own. With loans from Provident Fund, friends and relatives and of course the inevitable LIC, I started construction of my dream home. The foundation was laid, masonry work proceeded swiftly and the walls were built. It was time to lay the roof of the building. On an auspicious day a battery of workers stood in line on the ground, on the ladder etc. to carry the concrete mix to lay it directly on the roof.

At the end of the day my wife and I were allowed to climb the makeshift ladder to see the freshly laid wet concrete, evenly spread across the roof area. Oh! The thrill that went through me that day is still fresh in my memory. Just to think that my family will have a roof of our own and one of my dreams was turning into reality made me have goose pimples!

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My children grew up, school, followed by college, and my eldest daughter got married at the age of 21, when I was in my early fifties. Within two years of her marriage my daughter conceived and everyone on both sides of the family waited with bated for the good news of the arrival of a new born baby. It was 4th December 1996. I was in the office and I got the news that my daughter had delivered a bonny baby boy and that my wife and I had become grandparents for the first time.

I literally jumped from my seat and screamed: “I have now become a Thatha, I have got the greatest promotion in my life!”

Those who have gone through the feeling would know that the joy of becoming a grandparent is much greater than when one becomes a parent for the first time. While with parenthood comes responsibilities of bringing up children and the apprehensions associated with it, grand parenthood is all fun and no responsibilities - at least for the grandfathers!
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Superstitions

A long time ago, when I was attending a residential management course in a Hotel, I had to share my room with another participant, a stranger to me. When we checked into the room together, he requested whether he could occupy the bed which was on the left; because when he woke up in the morning he liked to get out from the bed from his right. Next morning when he got up, with his eyes closed he pulled out a small hand mirror kept under the pillow and opened his eyes holding the mirror in front of his face. Somebody had told him that if you see your own face in the mirror first thing in the morning, then you would have a great Day!

Superstition is universal. Most common ones relate to cats, lizards or the No.13 which is considered an unlucky number in the Western world. Sportsmen, film actors/directors have their own beliefs in numbers, names and good times. Each of us has our own superstitions –probably ingrained into us by our parents early in life or ones we have picked up on the way.

Throughout my life I have been obsessed with Rahu Kalam – 90 minutes of inauspicious time which occurs at different times of the day – every day of the week. On Sunday it is between 4.30 and 6.00 pm, on Mon. – 7.30 - 9.00 am, Tue- 3.00-4.30pm, Wed.-12.00-1.30pm, Thu.-1.30-3.00pm, Fri.-10.30am-12.00 noon and Sat. 9.00-10.30am

When I got into the advertising profession and became an Account Executive (Client Service Executive) I had to attend meetings almost every day. If a client gave me an appointment during Rahu Kalam, I would panic and would find some excuse or the other to either prepone or postpone the meeting! In Bombay, where I started my advertising career, I could never give the real reason for the shift, whereas, when I moved to Chennai I could openly mention Rahu kalam as the reason for postponing or rescheduling a meeting, which is considered an acceptable attitude in the South.

When things go wrong the superstitious amongst us invariably blame the time, the day or any other belief we might have flouted but never agree that we have actually made a genuine mistake.

But our elders were clever people. If one had to perform an act during the inauspicious time or day because of circumstances beyond our control, then they had a solution as well!

Suppose you could not get a train ticket on the auspicious day you wanted to, but got it for another day which was not a good day to start the journey, their solution for this was called Parasthanam – all that you had to do was to move one of the luggage you would be carrying for the journey to a friend or relative’s house prior to the actual day of journey, probably on the auspicious day that you so desired, and collect the same on the way to the station on the day of your journey!

Another concept popularized by our elders is Pari-karam to get rid of the guilt feeling associated with not being able to perform a prescribed ritual on special occasions as ordained by the religion. Not to worry; you just have to do a small Puja or give away things for charity- and God would excuse you for your inability to perform the ritual.

Like negative mindsets, superstitions also come in the way of rational decision making.

In the last lap of my life journey, I am trying to get rid of many superstitious beliefs, and I start with having stopped worrying about Rahu Kalam anymore!


Feedback welcome on 9840392082 or email: rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Female Chauvinists!

What do you call the demanding and bullying type of wives, with an air of superiority, who treat their men with little respect. Female Chauvinists? This term would be particularly apt for the wives of the ever growing breed of henpecked hubands in India, thanks to education and empowerment of women.

There are two types of henpecked husbands. The difference is in the way the wives treat them. While in the first instance the husband is treated like a slave, in the second instance he is treated like a ‘kid’ by the wife. In both the cases the wives obviously are the dominant partners.

In the former case the husband will await instructions from his wife for everything. She will dictate the time when he can get up , have his coffee or his meals, what he can or cannot eat, when he can go out, by what time he should be back home, etc.etc. When guests are visiting she will use him as her able assistant – make him do all kinds of errands. She will monitor his conversation with the guests. Openly admonish him if he is off track or says something which he should not have. He has to be at her service every waking moment.

The second type of henpecked husband is one who is not allowed to do anything. Poor chap doesn’t even know how to light the gas stove, leave alone make a cup of coffee in the morning.

I remember a friend’s wife proudly declaring to a group of friends at a party, “You know, Ram doesn’t know anything; he is like a baby. He doesn’t know what medicine to take at what time. I have to literally spoon feed him”. My dear friend Ram far from being embarrassed was beaming with a smile on his face, proud of his dominating wife! His job is only to be the breadwinner in the family, handing over his entire salary to his wife and waiting every morning for the small change she will give him for his day`s expenses. In the evening he has to account for the generous (!) pocket money she had given him.

I know of a cousin who could not have a free conversation on the phone with anyone, without his wife overhearing him on the parallel line and interjecting with her own comments from time to time. It was embarrassing for the callers but the husband was quite happy his wife was steering the conversation. While we may pity such husbands, they seem to thoroughly enjoy their henpecked status.

What happens to such husbands when their wives predecease them? I have seen a few cases where the guys are totally shattered. Just like what happens to women when their dominating husbands suddenly pass away without keeping them informed about their bank accounts or their assets and liabilities etc. They feel like sailors on a rudderless ship in a turbulent sea. Some recover quickly, take charge of their lives and convert their new found freedom into an opportunity to lead a new life. Others languish in depression, unable to bear the loss of the dominant partner and a few follow their spouses to heaven so that they can serve their master in the other world too!

Thank god I am not a henpecked husband and I have my wife`s permission to say so!!!

Feedback welcome on rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

A Husband for forty years!

I am writing this piece, on the morning of 26th January 2012 when the country is celebrating its 62nd Republic Day – a day when my wife and I lost our respective freedom 40 years ago. Yes! It is our 40th wedding anniversary!

I cannot believe that forty years have just flown by since we got married at Sivakami Kalyana Mandapam on Radhakrishnan Salai in Chennai where the South Indian fast food giant Saravana Bhavan is operating today!

I was 30 years old when I took the plunge; a “late comer” to the marriage scene of those days! My parents were obviously a worried lot! My mother in her relentless pursuit to find a bride for me appealed to every single God in her Pooja room! She even visited Siddhi Vinayak Temple in Prabhadevi in Bombay for twenty one weeks on Tuesdays seeking my favorite elephant god’s help! Lo & Behold; within a month of completing her vow, God answered her prayers! She received a daughter-in-law called Prabhavathy!

We started our married life in Delhi where I was working as a Senior Manager in an Ad Agency. Within thirteen months of our marriage, we gave the greatest present to our parents – grand-parenthood! Our daughter Kavita was born. A year later we shifted to Chennai, had two more lovely children - Sowmya & Balaji, and then moved to our own independent House in Shastri Nagar, Adyar.

Prabha had to face the usual problems that a typical Indian housewife faces in a joint family system. She overcame her problems to start a new chapter in her life, giving full vent to her talents in writing, singing, gardening and other hobbies she acquired on the way!

In due course, our children got married, to partners of their choice, whom my wife and I helped to identify!! My daughters have blessed us with four grand children ( good balance of 2 boys and 2 girls) who are now aged between 8 and 15, while my son who got married 3 years ago is yet to open his account!.

Now a review of our forty years of marriage – was it a successful union, have we lived upto each other`s expectations? Is it a happy marriage?

From my point of view I would say a big yes. My wife has more than lived up to my expectations over the years! Befitting our Indian culture, she helped me look after my family, which included my aging parents. As I was busy with my career and involved with several voluntary organizations, she did a great job of balancing duty to the family and to me. Being a social animal that I was, she attended parties and also hosted plenty of them at home as well. It must have been tough but she did an admirable job.

A fast learner, she overcame several of her initial inhibitions to become a wonderful partner, good daughter-in-law, lovely mother and above all a great homemaker! In the last two decades of her life, she has acquired an identity of her own and walks tall in our social circles! I am certainly proud of her achievements.



What has been my role in this arranged marriage? I believe I have genuinely helped my wife in coming out of her shell. Actively helped her to develop her talents for writing, singing etc. Published a collection of her short stories in Tamil which helped showcase her hidden talents to the world. Far from being a MCP, unlike most of the Indian husbands, I have tried to be a women`s libber in a man`s world! Working shoulder to shoulder with her on many fronts - doing most of the household shopping, helping her in the kitchen when necessary or getting her manuscripts in Tamil typed, proof read them and send them to the publications and always extending a helping hand during parties at home. I have sincerely tried to be an equal partner in this joint venture! We have had our share of fun traveling around the world and within the country.

In spite of the usual quota of differences, misunderstandings and shouting matches involved in any marriage, because of our “forgive and forget policy”, we have never allowed our differences to be carried forward to the next day.

On this special occasion, (when I have completed forty years of being the husband of the same wife!), I thank the Lord for blessing me with a happy marriage and my wife for making it happen! As far as I am concerned it has been a truly successful union.

I wonder what my wife has to say. I must request her to write her piece, which she would probably write in Tamil, her innate language of communication !