Invitation for a meal!

 A few years ago, I met an old friend at the Delhi airport. I was on a five-day official visit to Delhi and was happy to bump into a friend after nearly 10 years. We were colleagues at a company in Delhi where I was working at the time. After exchanging pleasantries, my friend said,

 

“ Hey, why don`t you drop in for dinner one of these days. I will be at the station for the next week. It will be great to go down memory lane. Give me a `ping`. I will ensure that Rama cooks your favourite Rajma chawal”

 

I am always suspicious of such vague invitations.  When I rang up the friend the next day and got him on the line after several attempts, he said he was busy with some unexpected development and that he would call back. But he never called.

 

Another experience I had was much worse. This friend invited my wife and me for dinner on a specific date and asked us to arrive around 8:00 pm. As a person who believes in sticking to time, my wife and I reached the friend`s home and rang the bell. After a few minutes, his wife, dressed in a nightie,  opened the door.

 

She said, “ What a pleasant surprise. Raghu did not tell me that you are coming. Please come in and take your seats. I will be back in a few minutes”. So saying she went in and came back dressed in a saree. After the usual preliminaries, we hesitantly told her that we were visiting because her husband  Raghu had invited us for dinner. She was shocked and embarrassed. Even before she could gather her wits to respond to us, in walked Raghu,  who seemed to be equally shocked to see us. Clever guy that he was, he said,

`Sorry Raj,  I thought I had invited you for dinner tomorrow. Did not expect you today.” While his wife was frowning and gave him a dirty look, Raghu tried to save the day.’ No problem, yaar.  It is too late for Meena to cook a meal. We will go out for dinner. Where do you want to go? Bikanervala or Agarwal`s?” Both my wife and I felt miserable, but could not back out of the invitation to dine out.

 

After I settled down in Nana Nani, the Senior Citizen Home where I live now,  I rarely go out. On the rare occasions  I go to attend a Rotary or some club meeting, I meet old friends. On one occasion, when a friend asked me to come home for meals,  I  told him. “ I will. Please tell me a specific date and time. As a VIP ( Velai Illadha Paya- a man without any work) I have all the time in the world. It will be my pleasure to enjoy a meal in your family`s company,” I added, “ Please tell your wife to keep the menu simple. All that I need for lunch is 2 chapatis, dhal,  some sabji and a glass of buttermilk. If it is dinner time, any one tiffin item is good enough to fill my shrunk tummy ( the interior and not the exterior )”

Needless to say, I am still awaiting his invitation to the meal.

 

Lesson: It would be advisable to discreetly check with the wife before accepting an invitation for  meal from an  overenthusiastic friend.

 

 

 

Mythili Seshadri - Will power matters in life!

  I consider most Indian women to be human dynamos.  The number of things they pack in a day`s work is amazing. They work 24x7x365 days. There are no Sundays or holidays for them. For those who do some jobs in addition to managing a home, life is even tougher. There are millions of them in the world. What makes  64-year-old Mythili Seshadri stand out in this crowd is her will power to do things she enjoys doing despite a Liver condition, which calls for her to be extremely careful in her food habits, medicines that she can take, and also the kind of activities she can undertake.

Right from her college days in Coimbatore, where she was born and brought up, she was inclined towards social service. She was actively involved both in the National Service Scheme ( NSS) and Community Social Service (CSS), which was to influence her career choice later in life.  Her marriage at 24 took her to Bombay, where her husband, a successful advertising professional, was working. While she was brushing up on English speaking skills,  she decided to get a B Ed from the Bombay Teachers Training College and qualify herself as a teacher.

` I was thrilled when I learnt that out of 1600 applicants, only 100 had been shortlisted and I was one of them,` says Mythili.

Arrival of her son within two years of her marriage prevented her from taking up any teaching assignments in Mumbai. The family moved to Chennai in 1988, where she was to realize many of her dreams over the years.  As a person who cannot sit at home idly, in her spare time she learnt Shorthand, Typing, Tailoring & Embroidery. It was in 1997, a friend influenced her to consider teaching special children. She joined  Vidya Sagar, a school for special children in Chennai, as a volunteer in their Vocational Rehabilitation Unit.  Her formal training in Tailoring and Embroidery helped her become instrumental in starting the Tailoring unit in Vidya Sagar. She taught the students to make drawstring bags,  scrunchies ( cloth rubber band), hand towels to name a few. These were done using the scrap materials given by a boutique in the neighborhood.

`I was delighted when I found that some of the students I had trained were given jobs in a well-known  Boutique, where they did well. But I also realized that, being a mere volunteer, not an employee, you are not taken seriously by the management.  So I decided to get a formal qualification as a special educator by joining `Bala Vidyalaya`, a school for the hearing impaired,  and did a one-year diploma in Teaching Young Hearing  Impaired, a course which is recognized by the `Rehabilitation Council of India`.

 Along the way, she also completed two short-term courses in Alternative and Augmentative Communication conducted by Vidya Sagar.  After working in Bala Vidyalaya for a couple of  years, she decided to quit and started teaching language therapy to children with special needs at home. Her students also included children with additional disabilities like mental retardation, autism, cerebral palsy besides being from different age groups. This one–on–one therapy helped children who cannot hear and speak to get integrated into mainstream schools. 

`It was tough because these children do not understand direct communication, but respond to alternative methods of teaching where you patiently take them through several stages using different props to make them understand things. The course also involved training the parents of such children so that they can continue to practice the lessons at home. It was heartening when, after two years of training, they were ready to be integrated into mainstream schools. That is the biggest satisfaction from the job I got.` However, since teaching such children necessitated speaking loudly, she developed vocal cord problems, which posed the danger of Mythily losing her ability to speak. So reluctantly, she had to give up a career she loved so much.

This setback did not deter Mythili from pursuing other interests, which helped her bring out the inherent creativity in her. She channelized her creative abilities by involving herself in making handicrafts and a variety of cloth bags, curtains, etc.  Most of these items were made from waste cloth and other waste materials, thus furthering the concept of `Waste to wealth`. However, she did not do it as a regular business but produced bags, curtains from old saris, wall hangings, plastic bag dispensers, to name a few, based on specific demands from friends and relatives.

Mythili says, “I stitch my blouses, salwars myself. By not depending on the tailor,  I save money and time chasing him. I use the scraps from these to make other patchwork items  like cushion  covers, pouches, potholders, etc.”

While she was busy creating useful items from waste clothes, another friend introduced her to the fascinating world of `Quilts`, which again opened up opportunities for converting used clothes into mattresses, table runners,  wall hangings, etc. For this she had to attend a training workshop run by `The Square Inch(TSI)` in her neighborhood before she could start working on the quilts. She participated in  the  First International Quilt Festival held in Chennai, in 2019 where her quilt titled `Pinwheel in a square inch` was displayed. It was made using more than 5000 cloth pieces, each  measuring one square inch.  Since then she has participated in 3 International Quilt Festivals organised by The Square Inch.

When I asked her about the process of making a quilt, she said, ` I first think of an idea,  convert the idea into a picture/drawing, then look for materials to make the quilt, and then get into action. I used an old saree to create a quilt to cover the Diwan set in my home. Similarly, I made curtains out of old cloth materials. Every quilt is like a piece of art. I thoroughly enjoy making them` says Mythili. She is currently active in the informal group of quilt makers in Chennai.

Mythili`s childhood dream of becoming a dancer came true when she was in her early fifties.  She joined a dance school in her neighborhood which was providing dance training for senior citizens, ranging in age from 50 to 80.. She became a part of the group from the school, which was invited to perform at the temple & other festivals in the city.

Mythili did all the above while busy bringing up her son & daughter, who are both married and blessed her with four lovely grandchildren. A most interesting aspect of her life is the fact that she never appointed a ubiquitous maid servant, not even a part-time one,  to help her  with some of the household chores. Where did she get the energy for this? Her reply sums up the practical woman that she is: `I did not have any maid servant all these years because I realized early that dependence on them can cause unnecessary anxieties and tensions. My day is not affected by the idiosyncrasies of a maid. With a strong willpower as my strength,  I have been managing the home and my outside interests. Having a two-wheeler of my own has also helped me  in being independent  to  move around  on assignments.`

Mythili also gives full credit to her supportive husband for encouraging her to do whatever she enjoys doing.  As they say, there is always a man behind a successful woman and vice versa

 

SHORTS IN THE DARK

 I saw a programme of short plays in English, ranging from 15 minutes to 20 minutes each, at a Show titled `Shorts in the dark` organized by Coimbatore Arts and Theatre Society, this Sunday. This society, founded by K.V.Siddhartha, has been promoting the amateur stage in Coimbatore. All the plays directed by different directors were good, but only a few actors stood out for living their roles. Among the five plays I saw, while I liked the play `In search of truth` featuring the husband and wife team of Shakthi and Gaury Chakravarthy, I felt, like many others in the audience, that  `The Waltz`, the last play to be  the best play among the five I saw, with a contemporary theme scripted by Mr.Vithal Rajan, an octogenarian writer and activist who lives in Coonoor and directed by Rohini Sivalingam a professional story teller and writer.

 My younger daughter, a performing artist and a well-known professional storyteller in the family, acted as the old lady and Pradeep Yuvaraj, a business storyteller, as the old man. It was a demanding role for both, and I must say that both did not act but lived their respective roles. The intense emotion shown by Sowmya in the last scene brought tears to the eyes of many in the packed audience. My elder daughter, Kavitha, the visual artist in the family,  had come from Chennai specially to see her younger sister excel in the role she played.

The programme was held in the ITC Welcome Hotel on Race Course Road, which was the Venue Partner. There was a packed audience consisting of friends and relatives of the performing artists, who had paid Rs.1,500 each to witness not only some good plays but also indulge in the sumptuous snacks provided during breaks and a delicious lunch, provided by the hotel, after the show. Food for the mind and the stomach indeed! It was a time well spent on a Sunday morning.

 

 

A low-key Birthday!

 Normally, if I were in Chennai, I would have organised a spirited birthday party in the evening in which all my family members and a few close friends would have participated. It was different this year. A low-key birthday celebration on my turning 83 and entering the 84^th milestone. Made special by the participation of my cousin Ashok and his wife, Priya, from Pune. A  made-for-each-other couple,  whom I admire a lot for the genuine affection they display and their mutual respect. Ashok has become a senior Citizen recently, having turned 60 last year. He and his wife were on a two-day visit to Coimbatore after visiting Bangalore, to meet me and a few other friends in Coimbatore. Ashok agreed to extend his stay by a day to be with me on my birthday. So nice of him. He chose to stay in the guest house here to have first-hand experience of the Place. He was not disappointed.

The day started with us visiting the nearby Varadraja Perumal temple and performing an archanai. Followed by a lunch I hosted at Kailash Parbat restaurant in which my daughter Sowmya and son-in-law Sathya participated, along with my Schoolmates Raju & wife Geetha and Balu, my adopted brother in Nan Nani and his wife Laxmi.  Have written about Balu`s helpful nature in an earlier posting. He is truly amazing- a good Samaritan in our community.

The delicious meal ended with our having  Malai Kulfi in Rabadi, a speciality in KB here. After mandatory selfies and group photos, we returned to our respective homes. There was  Ananya`s Games Event organised by Ananya`s Games Team in the evening, which saw many residents participating with childlike enthusiasm. I stayed at the event only for a short duration. The evening ended with our having a simple dinner at the dining hall – mini idlis in sambar and curd rice.

While extending a special thanks to Ashok and Priya for spending a full day with me on my birthday, I would also like to thank all my Facebook friends for remembering an old friend. The most unexpected call came from Supriyo Das, my old colleague in Grant K & E. On the whole, it was a simple but intimate get-together, which I thoroughly enjoyed!

Boredom and depression among children

 

 Growing up in a chawl in Bombay, I remember there was no time for me to get bored. There was some activity or another happening in the building complex for all age groups. I was kept busy with friends from my age group playing some games in the building complex or at the nearby Matunga Gymkhana. I would come back from school, throw the schoolbag in one corner, partake of whatever tiffin mother gave me and off I went to play with friends. No worry about security. My parents worried about me if I did not return home before the appointed time. In my case, it was 7.00 pm. Living in a chawl was like living in a big joint family. We lacked the basic conveniences we take for granted these days, but life was fun then. We learned to manage many of our problems ourselves without the involvement of parents. The constant social interaction with friends in the community helped us. Parenting was not as challenging as it is today.

 

Times have changed drastically. Nuclear families have replaced joint families. While gated communities provide some security and opportunities for social interaction, stand-alone apartments where many nuclear families live, there is less interaction among neighbours. Bringing up children has become a humongous task for parents. Security concerns prevent parents from allowing their children to move freely. Though mobiles and the internet help them keep their children busy, the gadgets have their negative aspects as well. Today, it is not surprising to see many children in their teens, exposed to social media, showing signs of depression.

 

`Preteens who spend more time on social media may be at greater risk for depression, according to a US study published in JAMA Network open,` as reported in the Health  supplement of  one of the issues of The WEEK magazine

 

To ensure that this does not happen, parents have to see that their children are engaged in some physical or mental activity. Interaction with other children in the community or outside, by inviting them home or arranging for their children to visit their friends' homes to play, helps. Encouraging such children to participate in one sports activity ( badminton, table tennis, cricket or football, etc.) and one creative activity (  music, dance, drawing, etc) or anything else in which the child shows interest would also help them develop their inherent talents. Such children turn out to be confident kids, full of life. I am witnessing this in the case of my son`s two kids. My daughter-in-law gave up her job to concentrate on the two kids, a son and a daughter. She is exposing them regularly to many new ideas and games and encouraging them to be creative. While she spends a lot of time with them, my son tries to keep them engaged during weekends. They also try to keep a check or even control the use of smart phones or other electronic gadgets by the kids.

 

If the parents show enough understanding of their children`s problems, be available to them whenever they want them, and learn to trust them, children will respond positively.  In other words, be a trusted friend to your kids. At least one of the parents should assume that role! If that happens, not only with the children never get bored, but there is very little possibility of such children becoming depressed. 

A Honorary Award as a writer!

 Pachyderm Tales is a literary consultancy and education company focused on promoting STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, and Mathematics) education and supporting artists and storytellers. Pachyderm, in association with Ananyas Nana Nani Homes, announced a short story/essay competition in Tamil and English two months ago for writers in all Phases of Nana Nani Homes.  The suggested topic was `How the residents faced challenges in life or Unforgettable experiences in their lives`. There was an enthusiastic response from the residents of Nana Nani, many of them writing for the first time. In addition to the prizes given to participating writers, three established writers were chosen for an Honorary Award. Two from Tamil ( Mrs Mythili  Narayanan and Mrs Sushi Krishnamurthy from Phase 4) and  I had the pleasure of receiving the Honorary Award as a writer in English from Dr. Umamaheshwari Yuvaraj, JMD of Ananya group at a function held on 25^th July 2025. The event, attended by a large gathering of residents from all Phases of Nana Nanai, also witnessed the release of two books containing a collection of all entries received from the residents in book form, titled `Pearls of wisdom` in English and `Gnana Muthukkal` in Tamil. My essay titled  `A Turning Point`, based on a real-life story, appears in the  book containing essays /stories in English. It is a nice feeling to receive two awards as a writer within six months.

Battle of the Bulge (Revised)

During my morning walks in Chennai, I would see a friend doing exercises on the parapet wall at the beachfront in Besant Nagar. He was on all fours with his protruding belly dangling prominently to the twists and turns that he was attempting. It was a sight to behold. I stopped and asked him the purpose of the exercise. He said that he was trying his best to reduce his tummy and look trim. I know that he has been trying to do this for several years without luck. I wished him good luck and moved on. It brought back memories of my bulging tummy and my efforts to reduce it for several decades.

Before I acquired a bulging tummy, also known as a `paunch`, I was a thin guy. My waist was so slim that even a baby belt would not hold my pants. I used to wrap a piece of cloth around my waist and then pull up my pants to ensure that it did not slip down.

There is a story behind how I acquired the `paunch`. Throughout my student days and the early part of my career, my mother did her best to help me gain weight. She forced me to eat vegetables & fruits. She would roast a few badam kernels and give it to me every morning with butter. I was also given an extra quantity of milk to consume at night. Nothing worked. What she could not achieve for a decade happened during my stay at Murugan Lodge in Calcutta, where I gorged on the delicious meals they served. I had spent three months in Calcutta undergoing training in advertising at the second-largest advertising agency at that time. During my stay as a trainee, I was also introduced to drinking beer. I was told that as an adman, I would have to do a lot of entertaining and drinking alcohol was a prerequisite for a successful adman. In three months, not only did I learn about the advertising business but also learnt how to gulp down three bottles of beer without any problems. My tryst with the bulging `Madhya Pradesh` started in Calcutta which eventually became an integral part of my body. In the early years, girls in my office used to call me `roly-poly`. My efforts to reduce the tummy over the years were not successful because of my inability to control my eating and drinking habits.

However, I found that my tummy was a great asset when my four grandchildren through my daughters arrived in this world in quick succession between 1996 to 2003. My `Thoppai` as they would call my bulging tummy was their playground. All that I had to do was lay still on my back exposing my Thoppai. They would go berserk playing with it. One of them would play drums on it, another one would give it a massage and the third one would give it an imaginary bath using appropriate sound effects. It was a joy beyond compare. For a change, I was happy to possess a Thoppai.

Eventually, my Thoppai` did shrink, after the two hospitalisation experiences I went through about 10 years ago. Thanks to a complete change in my lifestyle since then, I lost about eight kgs in six months. While I am fighting hard to ensure that I maintain my reduced weight, I am happy that the smaller bulge in my `Madhya Pradesh` has allowed me to reuse half a dozen tight-fitting pants that I had stopped wearing.

A small victory in my `Battle of the Bulge`!

This article appeared in the Adyar Times issue dated December, 14/06/2019

PS: Since the publication of this article I have put on weight. My Madhya Pradesh has gone back to its original size. All the pants I restored have become useless. My `Battle of the Bulge` continues.