Death Cleaning

  I came to know about `Death Cleaning` through a Forward I read in a WA group. The contents appealed to me as an Octogenarian. Since I believe I am on the last lap of my life journey and my 42-year-old independent home in Chennai is going for redevelopment, the idea assumed a sense of urgency. I learned that death cleaning is a method of decluttering your home before you die to lessen the burden on your loved ones after you have passed. So that they don't curse you after you depart from the world for making them go through all the junk you have accumulated over the years.

During my recent trip to Chennai, I decided to extend my stay for a month so that I could get rid of things that have lost their use or relevance and also donate useful items to deserving people or institutions, which otherwise would go under the bulldozer when the old building is being demolished.

I had already started the process by giving away my dresses, clothes, electronic waste, etc. to an NGO collecting such items during a campaign they held a few months ago. I have also identified an institution to which I propose donating my huge book collection.

During the current clean up I found leather-bound appointment diaries, old bank statements, statements of accounts, old income tax returns, used cheque books, etc. covering a period of 50 years. Shocking but true. I discovered many press cuttings carefully filed in folders, not only covering my original articles on my profession but also many which I thought would be useful to me at a later date. I had also retained hundreds of magazines in which my articles had appeared. Getting rid of these and many other unnecessary files and folders was the easiest decision. While most of them went to the raddhiwala, many sensitive documents were burnt.

Going through the old photo albums covering 82 years of my life was a pleasure, It helped me go down memory lane and remember the things I did with family and friends. I have always found going down memory lane therapeutic and a great stress buster. Something which I experienced when I was writing my autobiography. Fortunately, I did not have to take any action on this item as my children wanted to go through them before they were junked.

Clearing the loft in the kitchen area I discovered scores of old brass & steel utensils that were used by my mother when she was active in the kitchen. Two big ceramic Jars in which my mother used to store pickles prepared by her stood out in the collection. My elder daughter promptly claimed them as she saw their potential use in her terrace garden. Once a decision is made about what utensils to be retained by the family, the rest would go to the Kabadiwala who has promised to give cash based on the weight of the different types of utensils.

I think I have managed to identify and get rid of items that I had collected over the years. I am leaving the decision to deal with the rest of the items like furniture, fixtures, gifts, mementos,curios collected during my several foreign trips and other paraphernalia in the house to the family.

Through this process, I am hoping that I will get less or no curses from my near and dear ones after I pass away.

A 12th Anniversary Tribute

Time flies. It has already been 12 years since my life partner left me to join the Lord in heaven. This is a small tribute from me on her 12^th Anniversary.

Prabha was a fast learner, who overcame several of her initial inhibitions to become a wonderful partner, good daughter-in-law, lovely mother, doting grandmother, and above all a great homemaker! In the last two decades of her life, she acquired an identity of her own as a writer and as a socially active person. She walked tall in our social circles! I was certainly proud of her achievements.

She called our memorable trip to Kashmir in April, 2012,  a `childhood dream come true`. Unfortunately within six weeks of our return from that dream holiday her world came crashing down. We discovered that she was being consumed by the dreaded crab disease, and metastasis had already set in. Exactly seven months after the diagnosis of the disease she was gone on 5^th January,2013. She was only 61. My `Kashmir ki Kali` left me after being my life partner for 40 years.

Instead of mourning Prabha`s death, I have been celebrating her memory for the last twelve years. I am involved with many activities to identify and bring to limelight talented women writers in Tamil under the auspices of  Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation. In the process, not only am I keeping myself active, but also trying to spread happiness around,  Hope that keeps my dear Prabha`s soul happy!

Are you a control freak?

I know my children think I am a control freak. Am I one? That got me thinking about my actions, which provoked them to call me a control freak.

Google says, `A control freak is obsessed with performing tasks in a way that he thinks is correct. He may also try to control how others perform tasks, even when there's no good reason to interfere`

When I am travelling in a car driven by another person I have a tendency to make some comments like;
“You are driving too fast, please go slow”
“Why don`t you take the other route go to the destination. I think it is shorter”
“ Why are you unnecessarily sounding the horn? There is no car in front”
“You jumped the signal. That is not right”
“ Don`t respond to the call on your mobile while driving”

In all the above situations and some more, I would be told “I have been driving cars for so many years. Don`t teach me how to drive”

I am an impatient man and someone who always thinks ahead. I have a tendency to offer unsolicited advice to my children whenever I feel that they are not doing something right or procrastinating. Invariably I would be snubbed, `Don`t keep controlling us Appa. We are not kids. We know what we are doing.”
I am sure senior citizens who are in their seventies and eighties must be used to getting such rebuffs from their children. I believe that almost everyone in this age group has a tendency to offer unsolicited advice.

In our younger days we never answered back our parents even if we felt that their advice on some issues was not warranted. We moved on, ignoring them. Times have changed.

With growing age I am becoming wiser. Apart from practicing the art of `detached attachment` with near and dear ones, I am also trying my best to control myself and not offer unnecessary advice to anyone. I am learning to keep my mouth shut, even when I am provoked to respond. As they say silence is golden!

Discover your hidden talents- Age no bar!

 My elder daughter Kavitha and her husband witnessed the special Onam programme staged at the meditation hall during their visit to Nana Nani, Phase 4 (NNP4), a senior citizen Home in Coimbatore where I am living now. She had earlier seen the videos of various entertainment programmes held at NNP4, which I share with my family. After seeing the latest programme on Ramayana, she commented, “Appa, you people seem to be having so much fun. I feel like moving to Nana Nani right away.” She is only 51.

That set me thinking. Is a senior citizen home only for seniors and super seniors, or can others in their fifties and early sixties also make such facilities their Homes? My quest led me to a young couple in their fifties who have been making waves in our community for the last few months, taking an active part in many of the entertainment programmes staged here. Meera is a talented dancer and singer, and her husband Krishna Kumar (KK) is an A/V expert. Here is their story.

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KK did his M.Sc (Maths) from IIT Chennai and M.Tech Computer Science from IIT Kharagpur . Starting his career as a Systems Analyst in TCS in 1991, he worked for 30 years in the Information Technology Industry working for quite a few IT companies, getting posted to different countries, managing big projects. His last stint before he called it a day was with HSBC, Buffalo, USA, as a Senior Management Consultant.

Meera did her schooling in Mumbai where she did her B.Com and diploma in Computer science. Both belonging to the Marathi speaking community in Tanjore got married in 1995 in an arranged marriage. KK was 28 and Meera 23. They started their married life in Chennai before KK`s career took them to different parts of the world.

KK says ,”During my career days, I was mostly confined to the corporate work culture, and did not have any time to take part in any stage shows” .

Meera had learnt Bharatha Natyam during her school days and used to actively participate in her school annual day functions. She was also part of a dance troupe in her residential complex in Bombay. There was a long gap when she did not participate in any programmes.

KK decided to call it a day in 2019 at the age of 52 and returned to Chennai, and started looking for a better place to settle down, where the weather would be better and the couple could enjoy a peaceful life. A friend recommended Nana Nani in Coimbatore. The experience of a brief stay in NNP4 convinced them that this is the place where they would like to settle down. Since they did not have any unfulfilled family responsibilities, they decided to get a rented accommodation in Phase 4 in May 2023. Both did not know that it was a move which would open up a new world where their hidden creative talents would come to the fore and they would embark on a journey full of fun activities.

Meera says, “ Immediately after we moved in here, I was pulled into one of the active cultural groups headed by Vidyaji ( Vidya Venktachalam- a popular organizer of dance based events). I was very hesitant at first but said okay to her. It was my first performance since I left school. The event was held in June2023 for the NNP4 Anniversary Celebrations. My performance on the stage was appreciated by all. Many thought I was a professional dancer . This motivated me to become a part of all dance programmes since then.

As regards my singing, Vijayaji ( Vijaya Rajagopal , another leader of programmes based on singing) one day invited me to her place to listen to a few people singing. But once there she coaxed me to sing. Everyone liked my voice. Encouraged by the team I sang the song `Vaseegara` from the film Minnale – my first attempt at using the Karaoke facility at a programme held in August,2024, became a big hit and people started calling me `Vaseegari Meera`. Now I have become a part of all singing programmes here. Recently I participated in a progamme on Ramayana conducted by Vijayaji in which I sang a few Hindi Bhakthi songs. This was also my first attempt.”

When I asked her about her role in `The Virtual Show - a unique idea combining dance, songs and a seven part comedy skit all presented in the form of videos interspersed with live anchoring by Vidya and Meera, this was her response.

“ The Virtual show was my first attempt at organising an event here with another talented resident Meena Kumari Sharma who had designed the Virtual Show. With my husband KK providing top quality audio /video support and many residents displaying their singing, dancing and acting talents ,the show got an overwhelming response from the audience”.

She continued,” I have participated in all the cultural events conducted by Vidyaji since I came here. I have also started assisting her in all events organized by the `The Dream Team`` in NNP4 consisting of Vidyaji, Usha Giridhar, my husband KK and myself”

There are many new ideas that the Dream Team is working on including the one for the New Year.

Looking at the high quality of A/V Presentations witnessed in these programmes, I thought KK was a trained audio/Visual expert. He surprised me with his answer.

“I was involved in a stage show for the first time only in Aug 2023 after coming to NNP4. I picked up the audio-visual presentation skills on my own after coming here. Since I had a firm background in the IT Industry it was easier for me to understand different technical aspects of AV presentations. Besides, both Meera and I are movie buffs who keenly observe how the scenes are shot in a movie, and pick up a few techniques from them as well. Every cultural program in NNP4 has its own technical challenges and I make sure I upgrade myself to meet those challenges and that is my passion as well”.

Having seen all the programmes since I moved into NNP4 I would say that KK`s role in taking them to great heights is significant. This young and popular couple is so busy participating in many cultural programmes here that they have no time for anything else.

I know that they are enjoying every moment judging by Meera`s Comments , “We did not choose NNP4, rather NNP4 has chosen us. To those who ask us why we have moved to a senior citizen home at such a young age, my answer is that such homes are ideal for people who want to lead a peaceful life after retirement . They also get opportunities to discover their hidden talents or pursue their passions for which they had no time earlier; encouraged by a supportive audience of friendly residents. Age does not matter here.”

Yes, any Senior Citizen Home which offers all the facilities required by seniors and has a vibrant and active community is an ideal `Home away from Home` for those who have fulfilled their family and other responsibilities, where one can lead a ` life without responsibilities`, and are aged above 50. Because all the Homes admit as residents only those who are 50 plus. Age does matter if you want to be a resident in Senior Citizen Home but It doesn`t matter for participating in all the fun and other spiritual activities in such Homes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Going for a walk in the swimming pool

 I have started going for a walk in the swimming pool as a part of my effort to reduce my tummy.

 Before I acquired a bulging tummy also known as a `paunch`, I was a thin guy. My waist was so slim that even a baby belt would not hold my pants in position. I used to wrap a piece of cloth around my waist and then pull up my pants to ensure that it did not slip down.

 All that changed during my stay at Murugan Lodge in Calcutta. I had spent three months in Calcutta during April-June,1964, undergoing training in advertising at the second largest advertising agency. During my stay as a trainee, I was also introduced to drinking beer. I was told that as an adman I would have to do a lot of entertaining and drinking alcohol was a prerequisite for a successful adman. My tryst with the bulging `Madhya Pradesh` started in Calcutta which eventually became an integral part of my body. In the early years, girls in my office used to call me `roly-poly`. My efforts to reduce the tummy over the years were not successful because of my inability to control my eating and drinking habits.

 Now that I am settled in a senior citizen home and living a more disciplined life without junk food, going for regular walks, and practicing Chair Yoga, I thought my tummy would start shrinking. No luck so far.

 A couple of months ago I attended a meeting where a Sports Physiotherapist was giving a talk on ` Ideal exercises for senior citizens`. When I asked for tips to reduce the tummy, he advised me to have only vegetable soup every evening with no other solid food for 45 days. He guaranteed me that at the end of the said period, though my weight may not be reduced,  all my pants would become loose, signifying a shrunken tummy that I would have to alter my pants. I always listen to good advice and practiced what the Physio preached. At the end of three months, I find that there is no sign of the tummy shrinking and I still find it difficult to pick up things from the floor.

 While I was feeling dejected another friend suggested that I try walking in the swimming pool and perform specific `aquatic exercises` which would not only relieve me of several age-related pains I suffer below the waist, but  also help me in reducing my tummy. Since a mini swimming pool is a part of the facility available in the senior citizen home where I am staying, I have started going for a walk in  the swimming pool every morning. And practicing the exercises that my friend has taught me. It has been 10 days since I started this routine. I am enjoying the experience. This time will I win my battle with the `Bulge`. Only time can tell.

 

Dignity Foundation- for Elder Care with Dignity

The Chennai Chapter of Dignity Foundation (DF) which celebrated its silver jubilee last year has been winning the Best Chapter award for four  years in a row. I have been a member of DF for over 15 years, and I am very impressed with the dedication and commitment shown by the staff in the Chennai Chapter to elder care which has helped them achieve this feat.

Before I go into the activities of the Chennai Chapter a quick recap of the origin of DF.

Founded in 1995, by Dr. Sheilu Sreenivasan, Dignity Foundation an NGO aims to change the way people look at ageing in India. The story behind what made

Mrs Sreenivasan start DF makes for interesting reading (see the box). It started with Dignity Dialogue, India’s longest-running senior citizen magazine with a circulation of 20,000. Dignity Dialogue magazine gave birth to Dignity Foundation whose aim is for elders to age productively and live their golden years with Dignity. Started in Bombay DF now has chapters in Delhi, Calcutta, Chennai, Bangalore, Pune, Hyderabad. A new chapter was started in Coimbatore recently. Activities of Dignity Foundation are funded by member fees and donations from Corporates through their CSR programs. The Foundation is governed by a Board of Trustees.

 

Dignity Dialogue was followed by Dignity Chai Masti Centers (CMCs)where senior citizens meet, bond and explore their talents. With 30 vibrant centers across 8 cities in India, CMCs offer regular sessions for wellness, entertainment, recreation and hobby cultivation, keeping the members active and engaged. What started as physical activities at offices of the chapters is now available also as online (zoom) sessions to those who prefer virtual participation from the comfort of their homes.

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Dementia Day Care Centre is another important service offered by the Foundation which provides a safe and stimulating environment for people living with Dementia. This service, offered for a fee, offers crucial respite for caregivers, reducing their physical and emotional stress. It is an ideal solution for working couples who have dementia patients at home. This service is available in Mumbai, Pune, Chennai, New Delhi and Kolkata. At the Centers, members receive compassionate care by trained caregivers along with therapies to delay the progression of Dementia.

 

Anand Daan is a service under which DF identifies senior citizens who are genuinely needy in the slums of cities, providing free monthly ration kits to them creating food security.

 

Under Dignity Care, DF runs Day Care centers, Loneliness Mitigation centers and Dementia Care centers as a free service to poor seniors living in slums of cities. Right now, such centers are functioning in Bengaluru, Chennai and Mumbai.

 

DF also runs, under a separate trust, an assisted residential facility at Neral, near Mumbai.

 

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The Chennai Chapter was started in 1998 based on the request of readers of Dignity Dialogue in Chennai. Initially the activities were related to the magazine. Monthly gatherings to celebrate the cover personality were the beginning of Chennai’s initiatives. It gradually grew into other services to senior citizens, like companionship to lonely elders, helpline for rescue of abused senior citizens, and CMC’s (Tehneer Arangams) providing some form of entertainment and opportunities  for daily bonding .

Sheilu Srieeivasan, the founder of DF says, “The year 2016 was a turning point in the growth of the Chennai Chapter when Felista Jose joined as the Chapter Manager. Under her dynamic leadership ably supported by a strong advisory council headed by Mrs.Sundara Gopalan and the philanthropic N C Krishnaswamy, the chapter started flying the Dignity flag high, leading to the grand Silver Jubilee Celebrations of the Chapter last year”

Felista says, “In 2016 and 2017, we launched a project titled Wellbeing Enhancement aimed at improving the lives of underprivileged senior citizens in five slums of Chennai: Kannagi Nagar, Saidapet, Srinivasapuram, Dooming Kuppam, and Nochi Kuppam. This initiative reached approximately 4,500 elders.”

 The Dementia Day care center started in Chennai in 2004 has now 25 members attending the center daily. A trained social worker is responsible for coordinating center`s activities and  its smooth functioning. The services provided at the center are daily bus service to pick up and drop, good nutrition, simple yoga, a range of therapies like: Occupational therapy, Physiotherapy, Recreational therapy and Cognitive therapy conducted by professionals. The center provides a safe secure setting, constantly encouraging members into activities to keep them alert all the time.

According to Mr. Sabarinathan, son of Mrs. Geetha with fronto-temporal dementia, the family was finding it difficult to  handle her behaviour.

“After trying out various options, we were referred to Dignity Dementia Day Care centre. Mother liked the environment very much. Being at the day care centre, participating in various activities, was far more effective than all the medicines she was taking. I have visited many such centres, and I find the dedication of the staff at Chennai DDC to be the best”

At present, the monthly fee charged by DF per patient in Chennai is Rs.15,000, which covers patient pick-up and drop-off services, morning and evening tea accompanied by refreshments, lunch, and all therapy services.

As a part of strengthening the Centre and extending the activities to more people, branches of the Chennai Chapter were started in Mylapore and Tiruvanmiyur in 2018 which has helped in growing the number of members attending the Centre .

A day care centre was started on 20^th January,2020 at Mullaima Nagar, a slum, with ambitious plans. The announcement of the lockdown and the pandemic forced the centre to be closed immediately. But that did not stop the Chennai Team from reaching the beneficiaries. It was during the pandemic that the Chennai team came out with flying colours.

Felista says, “Despite the closure of the Centre we established a group known as the "Corona Safety Senior Citizens Group," Our team consisting of 15 outreach workers with 1 field supervisor conducted 11 IEC awareness programmes  to propagate and strengthen the practices of social distancing, masking and demonstrating the correct hand wash practices through  a range of activities such as Street Play, Mega Signature Campaign, Vehicle Awareness programs, Street painting, Villu paatu (Musical storytelling), Awareness Rally, Kolattam (Traditional folk dance). This initiative was greatly appreciated by the members”

SUPPORT FOR THE HOMELESS SHELTERS FOR THE ELDERLY IN CHENNAI project was launched in  2022 in collaboration with Greater Chennai Corporation to facilitate the improvement of the quality and services provided to about 200 needy senior citizens in their existing old age shelter homes in Vepery, Perambur and Royepettah .

Apart from getting  nutritious food and counselling service the inmates also receive geriatric healthcare  through different  activities like fitness classes, art and craft session, laughing therapy, basic literacy and numeracy classes.Recently the chapter has also added slums in Mannady under this intervention programme.

While the poor people in slums were being looked after the team also kept the activities of the Centre for regular members going through zoom (online) meetings with interesting programmes five days a week, Monday through Friday. The subjects ranged from musical evenings, fitness talks, active aging yoga, and many more which kept the members glued to their mobile or laptop, every evening. Thanks to the zoom facility those members who were unable to come to the centre because of distance and travel constraints were able to participate  in meetings. On October 5^th, 2020, the chapter resumed operations at the Centre, which is open from 9 AM to 5 PM. Thanks to hybrid meetings these days  the average daily attendance has gone up to  75 members.

 

Commenting on the zoom meetings T.C.Ragupathy an active member of the Chennai Chapter says, “Regular contacts through Zoom helped  us bond with each other besides giving  us a chance to show our skills in singing, sharing experiences, etc. It is like ‘meet from home’ on the lines of ‘work from home’. This is one more feather in DF’s cap”.

 

The Chennai Chapter members are also  encouraged to participate in large numbers in the All-India Events organised by the Head Office every year.

 

In the last few years, I have witnessed the dedicated staff of the Chennai Chapter regularly coming with innovative ideas, such as intergenerational programs, to engage the members and help in bringing to limelight their hidden talents, which has resulted in the creation of an extended family of members. The enthusiasm and energy of these members at all events is to be seen to be believed. In old age friends are important and getting new friends through Dignity Foundation, in the absence of other avenues for some members, has made their lives interesting and enjoyable.

 

The Chennai chapter managed by a Chapter Head Felista and Deputy Manager Merita and a staff of 13 trained professionals, richly deserve the recognition they have been getting as the best chapter for the last few years, for not only taking care of the paying members, but also for their dedicated service to underprivileged senior citizens in the community.

Those interested in becoming members of Dignity Tehneer Arangams, subscribe to Dignity Dialogue or support the chapter with donations can contact Felsita – 9840395943 or email -felista.jose@dignityfoundation.com

 

                                                                    In the Box                                  

                              The story behind the origin of Dignity Foundation.

It was July 1994 Dr. Sheilu Sreenivasan the founding President of DF was on her return flight from New York to Mumbai with a stopover at Frankfurt. As she was getting down the aircraft and walking towards the security area, she saw two airport ground staff approaching her. As she was wearing a saree, they had rightly identified her as an Indian. She was requested to accompany them to meet someone who could not speak any language other than ‘Indian’. They took her to a lady clad in a white saree, sitting in a wheelchair, face distraught and blabbering rather loudly. The moment she saw Sheilu she instantly caught hold of her hands and didn’t let go for the next 3 hours. The reality was that she had been abandoned by her family in the airport washroom at Frankfurt. The lady`s handbag had no passport, no ticket, no money – the family did not leave any trace of her identity. The lady must have been talking in Sindhi which Sheilu could not understand but she could make out that it was her son Munna who left her in the lurch. The German ground staff requested Sheilu to go along with them to admit the lady in a shelter home and return on time for her flight to Mumbai.

Sheilu says, “The trauma of leaving her behind, totally distraught, remained etched in my mind.  It was then that the social worker in me decided: I will work and live for the elderly for the rest of my life. I started the Dignity Foundation in 1995 in Mumbai to enable senior citizens get rid of these insecurities and lead a life of dignity, security, fulfilment and filled with joy”

(Dr. Sheilu Sreenivasan holds an MA in Psychiatric Social Work from Madras University and a Ph.D. in Sociology from Mumbai University. After giving years to research and publishing, she has dedicated the past 29 years to the relentless delivery of elder care services at the grassroot level across India for which she won the Amazing Indian Award 2022 for the Slum Care Category from Times Now, one of the many recognitions she has got over the years.).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY FIRST (THALA) DEEPAVALI IN NANA NANI

 Many people get up very early on the day of Diwali to go through the morning rituals and have `ganga snanam`  before sunrise. Every day is  Diwali for me as I get up at 4 am and go through my morning rituals ending up with Chair Yoga between 6.00 and 6.45 am and a walk afterward.  I don`t have my daily `snanam` before  9 am.  Yesterday I skipped my morning walk, had my `Ganga snanam` before 7.am, wore a new veshti and a shirt presented to me by my Sambandhi on my birthday,  finished my puja rituals and had a  sumptuous breakfast in the first batch, meeting and greeting friends. The chole bhature was so heavy that I didn’t feel hungry the whole day despite having the legiyam served at the BF. Then I visited the temple to attend the special Diwali pooja. After a long time, I was visiting a temple on the Diwali day and staying till the Deeparadhanai.  It was a very soul satisfying experience.

Then came lunchtime. I went for the second batch. The first time I saw the dining hall was more than full to capacity that the kitchen staff had to have a third batch to accommodate the residents who could not find a place in the second batch. An unusual number of guests present could be the reason, I thought. Since the management had already served a Diwali special meal earlier, the menu was nothing special, except the addition of a sweet.

But the surprise was the free-wheeling dance to recorded music by the ever-enthusiastic and energetic ladies,  both young and old.  Led by the `mover and shaker team` of  Phase 4, Vidya  Venkatachalam and Meera Kumar , performed in front of the dining hall.  It was an interesting way to celebrate Diwali. I enjoyed watching the spirited show put by the ladies.

After some rest, I visited the Shirdi Saibaba ( Naga Sai ) temple at Saibaba Colony, as I normally do every Thursday. After a good darshan and visiting some friends, I returned in time to watch the fireworks organized by the management outside the entrance gate in the company of many residents seated in chairs or standing.  The prevalent festival spirit was palpable.

I returned home to watch the TV to see how Diwali was celebrated in the rest of the country when around 8.30 pm Tata Sky failed. Within a few minutes, I found the cracker noise completely stopped.  When I went to my veranda to check the reason, I found it was raining heavily. Obviously, the rain god had decided to restrict the noise and smoke pollution, even before the deadline imposed by the authorities

On the whole, it was an action-packed Diwali in Phase 4 - a `happening  place` where some activity or the other keeps happening to keep the residents engaged. I was happy that my `Thala Diwali`in my new home was a memorable event thanks to the friendly residents who ensured that I did not miss my family back home in Chennai.