The commercial set
me thinking about the most discussed
topic of `arranged vs. love marriages` – which works better in life?
A random survey in
India will clearly show that arranged marriages are still more popular among
boys and girls – who prefer to play it safe and leave it to their parents to help them find a spouse.It is
another matter that the number of conditions that they impose these days makes
it a nightmare for parents to find suitable spouses for their son or daughter.
Fed up with such a situation many
parents are even urging their eligible
sons and daughters to find their own partners.
I know of a friend who told his daughter- `religion, caste, creed no
bar- just get married`.
In the earlier days,
the men had a choice of girls who were paraded in front of them, in innumerable
“bride seeing”ceremonies. Very often, after partaking the delicious ‘sojjis and
bajjis’ dished out by the girl’s families they
rejected the girls, on flimsy grounds.
Today the empowered and independent girls have equal say in rejecting the
boys, very often on equally flimsy grounds.Because of this the number of
eligible boys and girls not getting married is also growing!
The major difference
between the arranged marriages of yore and now is that the family’s role stops
after they have done a `due diligence` on the potential spouse and his/her family and connected the couple. No more `Sojji & Bajji`
meetings.
Once the connection is
established between the boy and the girl – it is for them to take the final call.
They are given permission to talk
and meet each other as often as
they want. If the distance between the
location of the boy and girl prevents them from meeting often, they use
technology to know each other better
through the `Net or mobile. This can
take a few months before the boy and girl agree to tie the proverbial knot
binding them for life. If both the boy & girl are living abroad, it is not
unusual for them to be `live in partners` for some time to find out their compatability! During this long
gestation period, many couples may even fall in love and agree to marry. And I call it ‘arranged love marriage’
In our days, we
started falling in love with our spouses only after marriage. And the bond between the husband and wife
grew stronger over the years, cemented by a deep commitment from both to make the
marriage work – making tremendous adjustments and compromises in the process!
On the other hand
many of the love marriages conducted without the family’s blessings, fall
apart when the boys and girls, who were
in cloud nine during the process of falling in love, face the realities of
life. They discover to their dismay that their loving partners behave quite
differently after marriage as compared to how they did before marriage.They are
unwilling to make any adjustments, so crucial for a successful marriage.
Without the family support system to help them tide over their conflicts, very
often such love marriages, fail. It is another matter that even some arranged marriages which are conducted in
a hurry fail because the couple discover many incompatibilities after marriage.
It is in this
context and taking into account the realities of modern life that the concept
of “arranged love marriages” is likely
to work better than pure love
marriages or marriages arranged in a
hurry.
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