Relationships

`Kutram Parkil Chutram Illai` (If you start finding faults, there will be no relationships)- these famous words of my mother have been deeply ingrained in me. Over the years if I have earned the good will and love of not only my near and dear ones but also thousands of people I have across in my life, it is because I value relationships a lot. Whenever faced with a situation where I have to choose between continuing a relationship or cut it off because the person concerned has deeply hurt me by his words or actions- I have chosen to opt for continuing a relationship following the famous adage- `Forgive and forget` . 

Another lesson my mother taught me was not to take revenge on people who have harmed me in some way. She used to tell me “ It is not for you to teach the guy a lesson . Leave it to the almighty to do that. When that happens and when your detractor is suffering , don`t mock at him but extend a helping hand” It is not easy to follow the advice but I have found following it has done a world of good to me in my dealing with difficult people.This can happen only if you are able to control your ego. Many spoiled relationships of people can be traced back to ego problems. 

I remember an instance when I was the President of an all India body. In one of the committee meetings a member unfairly accused me of humiliating him by not featuring his name prominently in a report on some activity. His tone and language were insulting to me. Instead of arguing with the guy and justifying my action, I apologized for hurting him inadvertently and promised to take corrective action. I did not harbor any grudge against the guy for insulting me but decided to be extra nice to him in future. This attitude of mine mellowed the guy so much that he later apologized to me for his impulsive action. We continue to be best of friends even today. 

I know of another instance where a friend `B` was having a major problem with one of his siblings who would insult and humiliate B for silly reasons. He was basically jealous of his brother`s success in life while he was not. B`s wife was constantly egging him to cut the relationship. But B ignored all the insults because he valued relationship. Once when the sibling had a serious accident, he went out of his way to help the guy come out of the crisis. This act of kindness by B , transformed the sibling so much that today he is in best of terms with B. You cannot claim good relationship with people suddenly to gain some short term advantage. It has to be genuinely cultivated and nurtured with good deeds and actions over a period of time. `Sharing and caring` is the best way to build relationships. Good relationships can not only help you in your hours of crisis but also help you in leading a more peaceful and contented life.

Sweet Memories and Dream Thoughts

Since the publication of my autobiography in 2009 which was inspired by a talk by Mr.S.Muthiah on `Biography as History` ,I have been carrying his message to every senior citizen I come across to write their memoirs for posterity. I am glad to say over a dozen have already responded with published books or in the process of writing their memoirs. The latest to respond is my friend Rtn K. Viswakumar, also a Dignitarian. I was delighted when he asked me to write a Forward for his book titled `Sweet Memories and Dream Thoughts. He has fruitfully used the compulsory confinement at home thanks to Covid 19 and the Lockdown. Given below is an extract from my Foreword to the book: Viswakumar`s professional career is as varied as it is colourful. After graduating with a degree in Engineering, he started his career with the Railways, a Public sector undertaking where he spent the first 24 years of his illustrious career. It was followed by a stint with Simpsons group, a company in the Private sector. He later shifted to Academics & Consultancy. I am happy to note that he has left his indelible mark in every institution he has been associated with. The book is divided into two parts. In the first part he has shared some of his interesting life experiences in the form of anecdotes. In the second part he records his thoughts on a variety of topics relevant to day to day lives of people based on his own and many based on his observations of life & people. His experiences in the Railways where he quickly rose to higher positions and the strategies he adopted to face challenging situations make for interesting reading. Particularly the anecdote dealing with the way he tackled an unruly Loco driver is a lesson in the use of empathy in dealing with staff. I was also impressed with the way he faced a major crisis involving some students when he was working with the SRM Institutions where he was in charge of administration after initially doing teaching assignments. Similarly the lessons he learnt in Japan where he went to attend an Electric Traction training in Japanese National Railways in 1984 are note worthy. Viswakumar was very impressed with the total dedication and commitment of the Japanese to their jobs. There are also interesting anecdotes related to his association with Rotary, where his acting talent came to limelight. I was quite amused to read about the incident where he had to don the role of a lady in a play- – a look alike of Kamal Hasan in the Tamil film Avvai Shanmuki. . The second part contains his random thoughts not only based on real life experiences but also thoughts which appeared in his `Dreams`, as he claims. They cover God, Religion, Astrology, Politics, Society, Investments, Health, Nature and Life in general The book ends with an interesting couplet in Tamil written by his sister Mrs. Uma Sundaram who has been conducting music classes mainly to the elderly for the past 30+years in which she also teaches her own compositions. I am sure that the book will appeal to all age groups. The youngsters particularly can benefit from the author`s insights on a variety of subjects related to various aspects of life. This well designed book by Compuprint is Published by `Creative Workshop` - a specialist in Digital Printing based in Chennai.. Those interested in getting a copy of the book can contact the author on 9840021575.

Is Forgetfulness a Disease?

`Forgive and forget’ goes the old saying. But people affected by your forgetfulness are not willing to forgive you. Forgetfulness is a disease which every human being experiences in his/her lifetime. The disease is generally expected to attack people in their old age. But these days, even small kids complain of forgetfulness–not just relating to what they have studied for exams but even simple instructions that their parents give them. The most common loss of memory relates to birthdays and wedding anniversaries. How many times have you waited for a call from your son, daughter or spouse, wishing you a happy birthday or anniversary, only to find that the call never comes, nor does the gift!. These days Whats App has solved this problem. One person in a group sends a birthday greeting and every one else follows the leader like sheeps. There are people who believe in taking the bull by the horns and telling the person concerned about the importance of the date and demanding a gift! My late wife used an interesting route to solve the problem. She would buy the gift that she thought she deserved for her birthday/wedding anniversary, and tactfully present the bill to me on D-Day–knowing pretty well that I would not reject it. Clever, don’t you agree? Here are some kinds of forgetfulness that cause you embarrassment on a day-to-day basis: You ring up a number but forget what number it was that you dialled. And hesitantly ask the person who picks up the phone ‘Sorry, what number is this?’ Often the response is a furious: ‘You dialled the number, you should know’. And the call is promptly disconnected. The most frequent embarrassment I face is when I ring up somebody and say ‘Sorry Ganesh, I forgot what I called you for. Will call again when I remember!’ And there are instances of forgetfulness which are ridiculous:- Like searching for your spectacles all over the house when it is safely pushed up on your forehead! Or religiously preparing a checklist of things that you want to buy but forgetting to take it with you when you go shopping. The most common form of forgetfulness is when you keep something safely in a place and forget where you kept it when you need it urgently. Oh! The list is endless! Sometimes your forgetfulness can create havoc or lead to a major or minor crisis in your life! I want to share with you an incident from my life 35 years ago–when I was panic stricken because of a temporary memory loss! I had gone to Gorakhpur in Eastern UP to make a surprise check on an audio visual campaign for a tyre company which was to start the following day in a nearby village. Since I had checked into the hotel early and my evening was free, I decided to go for the evening show of a movie ‘Ardh Sathya’ featuring actor Ompuri,. I took a cycle rickshaw, carrying with me just enough cash to pay for the outing. The movie started and as I was beginning to get engrossed in it, I suddenly realized that I could not remember either the name or the address of the hotel where I was staying. All my efforts to dredge up the details from my brain were in vain. I started imagining the worst case scenario-lost on the streets of Gorakhpur, running from street to street to locate the hotel late into the night, sleeping on the pavement. With the poor telecom facilities prevailing then (no mobiles for instant connectivity), the idea of checking with my colleague back in Chennai at that hour, did not seem practical. I did not know a soul in the town and even the address of the local dealer was safe in my brief case back in the hotel. It was one of the worst 60 minutes I spent in my life before the intermission came. As I moved out of the auditorium to get a cup of tea in the makeshift restaurant inside the cinema hall, I suddenly saw the familiar face of the supervisor of the AV van whose team had also come to watch the movie. Without wasting any time on formalities I asked the guy whether he remembered the name of the hotel where I had checked in. He gave me a funny look and told me that the team was supposed to report to me next morning at Hotel Bambino on such and such street, where I was supposed to be staying. I thanked him profusely and sheepishly told him about my temporary amnesia, and we all had a hearty laugh. Needless to say, I watched the rest of the movie with total peace of mind.