Out of Sight – Out of Mind

`Out of sight, out of mind` plays a major role in relationships. When a friend moves to another city, we solemnly vow to stay in touch. “We’ll talk every week, if not every day”, we say. Weeks turn into months, and before you know it, the only interaction you have is through social media posts. I have realised this after moving to Coimbatore. Not only with friends, but it also happens with family members. You may be out of sight, but you are not out of the minds of friends and relatives because of the opportunity to connect with them through Social Media, WhatsApp being the most popular medium of communication across age groups. I prefer it to one-on-one verbal communication through mobiles. There is a reason for it.

In the last few years, I have found that I don`t enjoy receiving calls, nor do I enjoy making them, for two reasons. As I age and experience temporary memory lapses, I often interject a caller while he is still talking. I am in a hurry to convey something I feel I might forget if I do not convey it to him/her immediately. This obviously irritates the caller, besides the loss of continuity of the conversation. Because of the same problem, I find I am groping for words and fumbling to convey what I want to convey. Hence, these days I try to avoid one-on-one conversations and use WhatsApp for typing most of my communication.

I have also stopped making routine calls to enquire about the health of friends, and also don`t expect others to call me for the same reason. Unless there is an emergency and the need for urgent communication, I don`t call friends or even family members unnecessarily for a friendly chat. So I am not complaining that I am `out of mind` of many near and dear ones because they don`t call me in person.

`Out of sight- out of mind` syndrome also happens when we lose some close friends or relatives, like parents or life partners. In the case of close friends, the memory would remain for a month or two after a mandatory condolence meeting organised by well-wishers. However, in the case of parents or life partner, there would be regular opportunities to remember them thanks to the rituals that are conducted till the first Anniversary. After that, a framed photo of the near and dear ones, duly adorned with a plastic garland, would be prominently displayed on the wall of the house. People who consider their parents as gods are likely to place their photos in the puja room.

In my case, I had placed the garlanded photos of my parents not in the puja room but in a prominent place at the entrance of the house so that I have an opportunity to remember them occasionally. A photo of my late wife, Prabha, was placed in a prominent location in the main hall, which I can never miss seeing every day. Though Prabha passed away in 2013 and has been `Out of sight` for more than a decade, she is not `out of my mind` because of the activities I undertake through the Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation, started by me in her memory 13 years ago!

In the case of friends, though many of them may be out of my mind, the next time I see them, memories of our association come flooding back, and we enjoy going down memory lane!

With the increasing role of social media in our lives, which also helps us connect with long-lost friends, I wonder if the old saying `Out of sight -out of mind` is relevant today.