Changing Society ( short story)

 Sunil was pacing up and down the corridor outside the delivery room of the maternity ward of the hospital.  Anxiously awaiting the news of his third child.  It was almost four hours since his wife Roopa was admitted to a private hospital after she complained of labor pain early in the morning.

After two boys, now aged 7 and 4, the whole family, including his parents who were staying with him were looking forward to welcoming a baby girl in the family.  In fact, in anticipation, Roopa had even got some special girly dresses ready for the baby.

Sunil turned to the door of the delivery room when a nurse, carrying a bundle, came out of the room towards him. 

“It is a baby boy!” she declared happily.  “A pretty boy, no?  See, how much hair he has got”, she continued.

Though Sunil was disappointed that it was not a baby girl, he did not reveal it to the nurse.  He took the bundle in his hands and after cuddling it for sometime, returned the baby to the nurse.

When he went to see Roopa in the ward, she was in tears.

“Again it is a boy.  I wanted a girl so badly”

Sunil held Roopa’s hands and said, “It is God’s wish Roopa, we will accept it with grace”

Since it was a normal delivery, Roopa was discharged after 48 hours and she was home with the baby on a Friday.

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Years rolled by.  The baby boy who was named Krishna was growing up to be a beautiful child.  Since there was a delay in taking the child to their family temple in their village for his first mundan (tonsure) ceremony, Krishna had plenty of hair.  Roopa would plait the hair and tie it up with a ribbon. Dressed in a skirt and blouse, he could easily pass off as a girl. The whole family used to admire Krishna dressed in girl`s dresses.  To satisfy their craving for a girl, they even arranged to teach him Bharat Natyam when he turned 7.

Though his brothers Ram and Ravi would tease him about this, Krishna did not seem to mind being treated like a girl by the elders in the family.  He seemed to enjoy it.  As an adolescent, he would even secretly wear his mother’s salwar kameez or nighties and admire himself in the mirror. He was also very fond of cooking.

At 17, Krishna had grown into a beautiful young man.  Fair with glowing skin and curly hair, he was surely a pretty sight to behold.  Not only the girls in that area but even some of his boyfriends used to admire Krishna…and Krishna used to enjoy all the attention!

While Ram & Ravi decided to pursue Engineering courses, Krishna decided to do a course in Catering. Since he did not get admission into the local institute, he moved to an Institute in Delhi where he got admission to pursue his dream course, staying in the hostel. 

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Soon Ram and Ravi got their degrees.  While Ram decided to proceed to USA for his Masters in Industrial Engineering, Ravi got his admission into a leading Management Institute in India for an MBA.  Both came out with flying colours and got good jobs.  Ram continued to work in USA, while Ravi got a good job in Mumbai where his family lived.

Ram fell in love with an American girl in USA and decided to marry her. Ravi decided to marry a girl from their community whom his parents had chosen for him.  Ravi’s wedding was a grand affair, held in a star hotel attended by all relatives and friends.

Krishna, who had just finished his course in catering and was waiting for a job also attended the wedding.  As a handsome young man he was the cynosure of all the eyes in the wedding. 

Elders who saw him would tell him, “Now that Ravi is getting married, your line is clear… it is your time to get married.

“Let me settle down in life uncle, then we will see” he would reply.

Many pretty girls in the gathering were trying to draw Krishna’s attention to impress him. 

Soon Krishna left for Dubai, where he got a good job in a leading hotel.  Sunil and Roopa were secretly admiring their handsome son and hoping that one day he will also be married to a pretty young girl and settle down in life.

                                

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After marriage, Ravi had taken up a separate flat and had set up a house of his own; he was soon blessed with a baby girl. Sunil retired from his job and stayed with Roopa in their flat. Though they were free birds they felt that until they got Krishna married their responsibilities as parents were not over.

“Krishna, it is time you get married.  If you have not found any one of your choice, can we look around for a girl for you” Sunil would ask Krishna whenever he called.

“Last week Shantha aunty was here.  She was talking about her pretty niece, who has done a Master`s degree in Computer Science and is ready for marriage” Roopa would add.

“What is the hurry Amma?  You already have two daughter-in-laws and grandchildren to play with. Why don’t you leave me alone?  Let me enjoy life” Krishna would retort.

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While Sunil and Roopa continued to worry about Krishna and his marriage, he was refusing to fall into any kind of trap.  A year later, during one of his regular telephonic calls Krishna informed his parents that he had found his partner  and invited them  to visit  Dubai on a holiday.  Excited at the prospect of Krishna`s imminent marriage Sunil and Roopa decided to make the trip the following month.

Krishna picked them up on their arrival at Dubai airport and took them home.  It was a two bedroom flat which Krishna was sharing with his friend Rajesh.  A decent accommodation which was maintained well by the two bachelors – thought Sunil.  They even complemented the friends for this.

Sunil and Roopa visited all the usual tourist sites of Dubai including an evening at a Desert Safari where they saw a belly dance being performed by a not so young lady!

It was the last day of their stay in Dubai.  After dinner when they were relaxing and chatting at the drawing room, Roopa brought up the subject of marriage to Krishna.

After dilly, dallying for some time, Krishna broke the news to them

“Amma, Appa; Rajesh my dear friend is in love with me.  I also love him.  We live together in this  house not just as friends, but as husband and wife”

The news hit Sunil and Roopa like a ton of bricks.  They did not know how to react to this news.  As if on cue, Rajesh came out of his room and joined Krishna to touch the feet of Sunil and Roopa, seeking their blessings!

Since they had to leave for Mumbai in a couple of hours they had no time to talk to Krishna about his decision.

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On their way back to Mumbai in the flight Sunil and Roopa hardly talked to each other.  They were so shocked at the news conveyed to them by Krishna that their middle class mind could not comprehend the situation.  Roopa’s mind traveled back to the time when she  revelled in dressing up Krishna as a girl and admiring him.  She never imagined that one day her handsome son would be taken in as a wife by a young man. 

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On reaching their house in Mumbai, they broke the news to a very close friend Kumar..  Kumar was not shocked; on the other hand his response was cool.

“Sunil & Roopa, such things are common in our society today.  Now-a-days youngsters are taking the courage to openly talk about their same sex relationships so that their parents do not unwittingly thrust innocent spouses on them.  For your information, my daughter Seema who has been living in USA and refusing to marry is having a girl friend as a live-in-partner. Though my wife and I were initially shocked beyond words we have decided to take it in our stride. I had no courage to tell you this earlier. Now that you are also in a similar situation I thought I will share my story with you.  I suggest that you also learn to live with the knowledge and only pray for Krishna’s well being, wherever he is.”

Sunil and Roopa were left dumbfounded.

( A Tamil translation of this story appeared in the May,2014 issue of Kalaimagal, a 85 years old Tamil literary monthly)

Lost & Found ( short story)

“Jaya! Did you get any letter from Radha?”

This was the first question that Rajesh asked his wife every day for the last two months, as soon as he returned from his office.

“Even today, no letter from her”.

“It is more than three months since she went to Delhi  after marriage. Except for the letter saying that she reached Delhi safely and that she is settling down in her new home, we have no further communication from her.  I am worried Jaya.  Besides, I am not able to face mummy  pestering me about the well being of Radha”

“I think it might be a good idea for you to visit Delhi once and find out for yourself what is going on with Radha”

“Yes, I will wait for a few more days and decide”, Rajesh.

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Rajesh and his younger sister Radha came from a middle class background.  Though hailing from Salem in Tamilnadu  his father moved to Chennai on a job transfer, where he decided to settle down with his family.  While Rajesh was still in college, his father passed away after a sudden heart attack leaving the responsibility of bringing up the family on his young shoulders.

With the meager savings that his father had left behind, Rajesh completed his education, getting a B.Com degree. He took up a job in an automobile spare parts company, as an assistant.

While working and looking after his family he also completed a part time MBA course which helped him to better his prospects in the company.

Since his orthodox mother refused to send his sister Radha out to college, he encouraged her to get a degree through a correspondence course.  Not being interested in studies, she did not complete the course but was happy helping her mother in the household work.

In due course, Rajesh married Jaya, a distant relative from Mysore, who quickly adjusted to her new joint family environment.  Though she was irritated by her mother-in-law following difficult rituals  every day, she learnt to live with the problem, in the interest of peace in the family.  Besides, arrival of two children  in quick succession kept her busy bringing them up, while mother-in-law and Radha took care of the house.  In a way it suited her because the captive help at home  gave her time to pursue her interests in writing and music.  But soon a marriage proposal for Radha was to destroy this convenient arrangement

                    

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While Radha was growing in age, all efforts of Rajesh to get a suitable alliance for marriage, was proving to be futile.  A short dimunitive girl, fair but skinny, Radha could not be considered a beautiful girl.  She did not make friends easily.  She was more comfortable pottering around the house than going out with friends and having fun.

From the time she turned 18, Rajesh had been trying to get her married.  He passed Radha’s horoscope to friends and relatives.  He even advertised in the local newspapers & community magazines.

Got hundreds of horoscopes.  Either the horoscope did not match or the prospective bride groom did not find Radha impressive.  Repeated rejections in the marriage market, was only adding to Radha’s low self esteem and consequent health problems creating avoidable tension in the family.

Radha was nearing 30 and when the family was losing hope of her marriage prospects, a letter Rajesh received from one Mr. Gopal, proved to be a silver lining in an otherwise gloomy  situation.

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From the letter, Rajesh learnt that Gopal was a 45 year old bachelor, who claimed that he had a good job as a Manager, in a good company in Delhi, drawing  a five figure salary.  He mentioned that because of family reasons he had not married so far but was now ready.  He had come across Radha’s details from a community magazine and was keen to come to Chennai for the girl seeing ceremony.

Though the age difference bothered him, prodded  by his ailing mother who was keen to see her daughter settled in life, he responded positively to Gopal.

A date and time was fixed.  Gopal turned up alone for the girl seeing ceremony.  When questioned, he dismissed the point as irrelevant and said that  he was old enough to know what he wanted.

He was medium built, balding but otherwise came across as a decent, albeit a bit arrogant human being.  To the surprise of Rajesh and his family, Gopal expressed his willingness to take Radha as his wife, immediately.  And he insisted on fixing up the month and date of the wedding straight away..  When Rajesh again brought up the question about Gopal’s relatives, he said he has no relatives but if Rajesh wanted  to verify his credentials he can contact his office.  He gave his office address and contact numbers and left for  Delhi informing Rajesh that if he does not receive a confirmation from him within 10 days, he would  look elsewhere for an alliance.

Rajesh was confused.  After waiting for so many years, he did not want Radha to get into a bad marriage.  In any case, he contacted one of his cousins in Delhi, requesting him to go to Gopal’s office to verify his claim.  Within a couple of days the cousin confirmed that Gopal was a highly respected Manager in the company.  Though he had a good future, nobody seemed to know anything about Gopal’s family as he was an introvert and did not mix  with anyone.  He was very good in his job and that was it.

When he shared the letter with his family both his mother and sister were very keen to proceed in the matter.  Radha, particularly was very keen and told Rajesh that she was ready to take the risk.  There was a sense of desperation in her voice.   She was keen to get married and get out from her brother’s house, where she felt she was becoming a burden.

So the decision was made.  The marriage was held in Rajesh’s house in a simple ceremony to which only a handful of very close relatives were invited.  Absence of anyone from Gopal’s side at the marriage was too conspicous to be missed by everyone present.

The very next day Gopal left with Radha for Delhi leaving behind his Delhi residence address.

Though Rajesh and family felt a bit relieved, he was not sure if he had done the  right thing in marrying of his sister to a total stranger without any family.  The waiting for  news from Radha started.

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When he did not receive any further communication  from Radha for  5 months Rajesh decided to make a trip to Delhi.  Since this was a surprise trip he did not inform Radha or  Gopal  that he was coming.

From the station he went straight to the apartment complex where Gopal was supposed to be staying.  He found the door of Gopal’s flat locked from outside.  When he tried  ringing the calling bell of the neighbouring flat, there was no response.  He took an auto rickshaw to see Gopal at his office.

While waiting at the reception of Gopal’s office, all kinds of thoughts went through Rajesh’s mind.  An unexplainable knot was forming in his stomach.  Soon he was called into Gopal’s cabin.

Gopal did not seem to be happy to see Rajesh.  He was offended that Rajesh had come to spy on him.  He made it very clear to Rajesh that Radha was his responsibility and that he will look after her well on  his terms  He did not want anybody to interfere with his life.  He refused to allow Rajesh from seeing Radha but promised that Rajesh will soon hear from Radha.  Not knowing what else to do Rajesh returned to Chennai with  a heavy heart .

                                         

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Within  a week a letter arrived from Radha.  Rajesh opened the letter and began to read it aloud loud so that his mother could also listen.

Dear Anna,

I understand that you visited my husband in his office and wanted to see me.  I am sorry that my husband does not like to have anything to do with any relatives, however close they are.  That is why I never responded to any of your letters.  But he is keeping me happy.  Please do not make any more efforts to contact me or visit me.  It will only make my husband unhappy.  Since I have a caring husband I would like to lead my life on his terms.  Hope you will understand.

Radha.

The tone of the letter without any recognition of the feelings of her family members, surprised Rajesh.  Since Radha seemed to be very clear in her mind about her stand Rajesh and Jaya decided to slowly reconcile  themselves to Radha’s fate.  Further within a month of receiving the letter from Radha, Rajesh’s mother passed away.  So he was spared the possible pestering from his mother about Radha’s welfare. Subsequently he did make a couple of attempts to reach Radha but found that Gopal had changed both his job and residence. Radha was completely lost to the family.

                                                       

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 It was more than 25 years, since he had lost touch with Radha, when a telephone call from his sister-in-law, provided a window of opportunity to learn about Radha.

“Hi Rajesh! Guess who called me today”  , it was Geetha’s excited voice on the phone.

“How do I know?  You got the call”

Geetha responded, “it was your long lost  sister Radha’s son!”

Rajesh now could not hide his own excitement. 

“Really, how did this happen?  Where is Radha now?  What is her son’s name?  What is he doing?”

Rajesh started bombarding Geetha with questions.

“While going through my facebook page yesterday I saw a notification from my friend that she came across a message from one of her facebook friends called Rohit Gopal looking for contact details of his uncle Rajesh Mudaliar.  Since my friend knows that I have a brother-in-law named Rajesh Mudaliar she forwarded the message to me.  Within a couple of hours of my response to the message from Radha’s son,  Rohit called me!”

“Is Radha alive?  How is she now?  How did Gopal allow Rohit to take this initiative?” Rajesh could not wait till Geetha completed her story.

“Rohit is 22 years old young man, a Commerce graduate, who is working in a private company.  He lost his father recently.  It is only after the mourning  period was over that Radha told him about her own family and how his father had banned her from having any communication  with her near and dear ones, during his life time.  Rohit on his own took the initiative of locating his uncle through the facebook.

“Geetha, please give me his phone number.  I want to talk to him immediately”. The urgency in Rajesh`s voice was understandable.

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Exactly a month later, it was celebrations time at Rajesh’s home. When Radha and Rohit arrived at their home in Chennai, there was a lot of hugging and kissing.  Rajesh was happy to see that Radha looked prosperous – she had put on weight and with graying hair near her temples  she looked quite dignified.  Rohit was fair, tall and handsome young man.  When Rajesh thought of his old mother who would have been happy to see her daughter doing well in life, tears welled up in his eyes!

Cross Border Marriages

In the last two years I have attended a couple of weddings of Tam-Brahm girls marrying Malayalee boys.  Educated girls from middle class families earning good salaries in a software company or a BPO; fall in love with their bosses or colleagues, and have the courage to tell their parents that they have chosen their spouses.

 Since they are unable to get spouses for their professionally successful young girls with high expectations and scores of conditions, the parents  are left with no choice but to accept the decision of their daughters. They are more than happy to go through the rituals of a typical Tam Brahm wedding.  Two days of hectic activity instead of the short and minimal  rituals of the Malayalee Wedding.

In two of the weddings I attended, right at the start of the wedding rituals,  the boys, one a Nair and the other a Menon, were converted as Brahmins by the priest  who made them wear the sacred thread after administering some mandatory mantras .

The boys had to wear the dhoti in the traditional style (panchakacham) for the muhurtham ceremony and go through all the difficult and not so difficult rituals administered by the priests.  All for the sake of their lady love!

I noticed that the parents and other relatives of the boys were having a good time enjoying the special hospitality being extended to them by the brides` party.

Notwithstanding   the caste based honour killings of girls in villages, Inter caste and inter cultural marriages have become acceptable in the higher echelons of our society. What is even more interesting is the marriage between boys and girls who go to USA for studies. Many of them fall in love with American boys or girls.  When they decide to get married they find themselves thrice blessed! Apart from the mandatory registered marriage, they have a church wedding to satisfy their American spouse’s family and then come to India to have another traditional Hindu wedding!

The physical troubles that such boys and girls have to face in following the rituals are to be seen to be believed.  I witnessed  the wedding of a Tam Brahm boy to a rather plump American girl. She was made to wear the 9 yards saree in the traditional Madisar style. She had to sit at the ceremony with legs folded and go through the rituals of getting up and sitting down and prostrating several times!  One could see that the girl was in pain but she kept up a smiling face giving the impression that she was enjoying it all!

 Her mother attired in a beautiful six yards saree with a big red pottu (Sindhoor) on her forehead and the father in a dhothi & kurtha with a red naamam on his forehead, were sitting in the front row watching the proceedings. The mother, who was sitting next to me, was almost in tears watching the ordeal that her daughter was being put through, all for the sake of her love!

In these days when parents are finding it extremely difficult to find suitable spouses for their girls and boys, it is only prudent for the parents to accept their children’s’ choice of spouses and bless them whole heartedly.

Armchair Critics

An abridged version of the following article  has appeared in the Mindspace section ( on the editorial page) of New Indian Express on 2^nd December,2014, under the title  `Keep armchair criticism at arm`s length`

                           You will find armchair critics everywhere; at formal meetings or informal discussions or even at home—waxing eloquent on what is wrong with the organisation or the society or their homes. At offices, they are forever complaining about their management for anything gone wrong or not done!

“You know, if I was in the GM’s place, I would have handled this problem differently. He has messed up the whole matter.” If you ask them how they would have handled it differently they have no answers. They can only criticise it for the sake of criticising.

Many who belong to such a group like to hear their own voices in meetings, as it happens in many board meetings of voluntary organisations like social clubs. Some of them are so articulate that others who are less aggressive are scared to open their mouths, lest they get snubbed. With such aggressive intruders in the meeting, a meek president often finds himself still stuck on point 2 in the agenda containing 12 items, while time is running out.

During my long association with several voluntary bodies where I was at the helm, I tried to solve this problem by pinning down such critics with specific responsibilities and asking them to report on the progress made by them in every meeting. Either they took the bite or learnt to be less intrusive in future meetings.

I remember in one of the professional bodies I was associated with, there was a very senior member who would come with a laundry list of questions to ask the President and other office bearers in every general body meeting. The sight of him in a meeting would make the office bearers squirm in their seats.  As comedian Vadivelu would have quipped, they would whisper among themselves-“VandhuttanyaVandhuttan” (implying the trouble maker has arrived).  When I became a President of this body, I found the gentleman concerned, was a serious professional and was genuinely concerned with the affairs of the organisation.  Most of the questions he asked were very relevant, so I persuaded him to take up an important portfolio and I must say that he handled that portfolio with aplomb for the next six years!

I have never believed in being an armchair critic. When I was still a junior account executive in Clarion McCann Advertising, Bombay, I found several things going wrong in the office administration because of a sudden spurt in business. Almost everyone was feeling frustrated and constantly complaining about the management. I was also an affected person. Instead of just being an armchair critic, I took two days off and prepared a 10-page note to the management giving my ideas to tackle the crisis. Though I was a bit apprehensive about possible fallout of my unsolicited effort, I was delighted and surprised to see the positive reaction from the senior administration manager. He not only publicly acknowledged my initiative but also used the note to create a positive impact on the rest of the staff so that we worked as a team to solve problems facing the management. From that day onwards I was on a fast track growth in the company!

At one stage our Rotary Club was unable to retain young Rotarians because it had transformed from a dynamic club into a dull one leading to a leadership crisis. While everyone was grumbling and doing nothing about it, I volunteered to help. I launched a membership development programme called “Operation New Blood” under which the club inducted 10 faces who fulfilled the strict parameters I had set. Over the years these young members brought in their own young friends as members, infusing new ideas and activities which has galvanised the club into vibrancy once again. Today, there is no leadership crisis in the club and it is the envy of many other clubs in the district.

As John Kennedy said: “Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

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