Book Review-

 GRAMMAR OF SILENCE

 by R.Seshasayee

 I recently read a fascinating novel - The Grammar of Silence by Mr R. Seshasayee,​ which is unputdownable. The novel has been written after extensive research into the social history of Tamil Nadu and is woven around the lives of three women- Dharma, Vinodhini and Mary who dare to claim their voice and space in a tyrannical patriarchal society. The episodes and the conversations featured in the novel give the reader the impression that the author had a ringside view of the events in the characters' lives. While it is easy to write a novel based on contemporary themes, the author has done a ​remarkable job in his efforts to capture the social history going back five centuries.  I agree with Prof. Venkatachalapathy's comments that `The novel succeeds admirably in getting historical details right without losing the throb and pulse of real people`. I also liked the way each chapter ended with a small twist, which makes the reader eagerly look forward to the next chapter. ​The author`s deep knowledge of classical music also helps in embellishing the narrative of the novel.  It is a must-read novel.

Seshayee, a chartered accountant and a senior business leader,  has held several important positions both in the corporate world, professional bodies and social institutions. He is currently the Chairman of Asian Paints Limited. A bilingual writer, he is the author of several short stories in Tamil which have appeared in leading Tamil magazines. His mother,  Vasumathy Ramaswamy, was a very popular writer in  Tamil. ` The Dance of Faith` was his first novel in English, published in 2022. After conquering the corporate world, Seshasayee is all set to conquer the literary world.

 

SHARAN - TOWARDS MUTUAL SUPPORT

The number of senior citizens with children settled abroad and those living alone because of the breakdown of the joint family system has multiplied manyfold. Correspondingly, the number of Senior Citizen Homes (SCHs) with excellent infrastructure and services for senior citizens has also grown. But what about those who cannot afford such expensive SCHs or those not in a position to move to an SCH for several reasons? Many of them lead an insecure and lonely life. What kind of support system do they have?

This is where informal groups of friends come together in many cities to provide help and support in times of need to such people. This story is about “Sharan”, started by a few friends in the Adyar neighbourhood in South Madras in 2008. Reflecting on its origin, Shri R.Shanker, one of the two founders with children living abroad, has this to say:

“During my walk in Indira Nagar, Adyar, one day, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was my friend T S Venkataraman, whose children also live abroad. He talked about the need for a few friends living alone in the neighbourhood to come together to form an informal support system –to support the elders in their own homes, particularly during health emergencies, apart from offering any other help they need.”

Both friends decided to act on the idea with a few more friends. The result was the birth of Sharan, an association of senior citizens, which was registered under the Tamil Nadu Societies Act in 2010 with the primary objective of providing ‘Mutual Support’ to its members.

T S Venkataraman adds, “We initially faced difficulties in enrolling members, as many were sceptical about the need for one more association. Two well-written articles about Sharan in The Hindu supplement “Downtown” and a report in “Adyar Times” catalyzed to create more awareness about Sharan among residents of Adyar and adjoining areas. What differentiates Sharan from the other associations is its aim to promote among its members is, the spirit of mutual support; a desire and mindset in every member to help others in the group in times of need to the extent possible.

An ex-Sharanite, Hariharan, with help from his designer son, helped design the Sharan logo. The visual of multiple stretched hands represents the motto of Sharan: “Towards Mutual Support”. Another Sharanite, Dakshinamurthy @ Kavignar Thenmugan, wrote the lyrics for a special Sharan Anthem, which was set to music by Sharanites Radha Shanker and Usha Sethuraman.

Every meeting of Sharan starts with this anthem sung by a couple of Sharanites. Sharan is managed by a committee consisting of the President, Secretary, Treasurer and six members who are elected by the members and hold office for a period of two years. The first President of Sharan was Prof. V.Narasimhan. He was followed by T.R.Gopalan, R.S.Bakshi, and Dr.H.Raman. Since the beginning, Sharan has seen the Presidents and their Secretaries with the active support of the Management Committee members, doing a commendable job.

In order to provide opportunities for members to bond, Sharan regularly organises cultural and social activities. Within ten years since Sharan started, scores of activities covering lectures, visits to old age homes, outstation trips both within the country and abroad, Temple visits, celebration of all important festivals, musical evenings, workshops on health-related subjects and many other activities which would help members bond, were held regularly. On the personal level, any appeal or help sought by members through telephone calls or messages in the Sharan WhatsApp group was promptly addressed by members living close to the affected person.

Like all other associations, the COVID pandemic made Sharan go online. It was in July 2021, when the pandemic was at its peak, that K. Vishwakumar took over as the fifth President of Sharan with Raji Venkatesh as his secretary for a second term.

Raji says, “We conducted virtual meetings with Sharan members month after month during the first 7 months, from Aug 2021 to Feb 2022. In May 2021, the chanting of the Dhanwantri Mantra by a group of dedicated Sharanites was started for the good health of all members. I am glad to say that this online chanting is continuing even now every day without a break.”

It is interesting to note that a Dhanvantri big homam was performed on 17.12.25 at Viswakumar’s residence for the well-being and prosperity of all members and mankind.

When the physical meetings started again, Vishwakumar offered the air-conditioned meeting hall on the second floor of KOKILADVANI in Valmiki Nagar, which he owns, for FREE to Sharan to conduct all its meetings. He has also provided a basic sound system and a screen for use in meetings.

This hall can comfortably accommodate about sixty people. Since then, Sharan has had all meetings at this Hall. Only for special meetings like the AGM or the Founders Day celebrations, where the attendance is bigger, are outside venues considered. Expenses related to some of these meetings are sponsored by some members. This has helped Sharan save a considerable amount used for hiring a hall and paying for refreshments.

It was during Vishwakumar's tenure as the President that Sharan brought out a book commemorating the Pearl Anniversary (12th Anniversary) of Sharan. The book gives not only the History of Sharan but also a brief bio of its members. Though Smt Janaki Venkatraman and R. Parameshwaran have succeeded him as President, Vishwakumar, supported by his wife Geetha, continues to be a live wire Past President, extending every possible help to the new teams in their efforts.

Some of the new ideas introduced during the last three years include revival of Sharn E magazine ( a quarterly online magazine edited by Parameshwaran), formation of three distinct Whats App groups covering Sharan News, Sharan Greetings and Sharan entertainment to ensure that important information is not lost in the deluge of responses and forwards by members and the formation of special interest groups like cards, music, share market, chit chat, potluck etc. Besides programmes like `Chai Pe Charcha` and Breakfast meetings in members' homes, the President and Secretary also visit the homes of the new members and others who are having mobility problems, creating better bonding.

Sharan started with just 10 members. As of June 2026, it has 130 members. Interestingly, except for a few singles, most of the members are couples. Ladies take a more active part than men in all the activities. From an informal association of a few friends, Sharan has evolved into a very vibrant group which is run on professional lines while retaining the core principle of `Friendship`& `Mutual support’. It is a fact that in today's digital world, it is friends, more than family, who help in fighting loneliness among elders.

I would like to conclude this article with a quote from a member, Mrs Malthy Sinha,” Good friends are like stars; you don't always see them, but you know they are always there for you.”

(Latest issue of Madras Musings carries this article)

JURY DUTY- People Vs Ananya Sharma

A Crime drama  with a difference ( Review)

I went to see a Crime drama  ( not a murder mystery) this Sunday, primarily because my daughter Sowmya was donning a small role in it. Titled Jury Duty- People Vs Ananya Sharma, it was held at the Crimson restaurant in Broadway Mall in Coimbatore, in front of an audience consisting of friends and relatives of the performing artists. It was an  Immersive Theatre Experience, where the audience became jurors to decide whether the accused is Guilty or Not Guilty! Am told that it was a first-of-its-kind experiment by any theatre group in Coimbatore.

What impressed me was the enormous efforts put in by Director Chanda Katuria and her team to make the whole show feel authentic. Each table with members of the audience acting as jurors had a file containing the case details, with a writing pad & pens to make notes and placards featuring the words guilty, not guilty and not convinced.

 After each of the three acts, when the audience was asked to give their opinion, there was animated and serious discussion among the jurors!
With the prosecutor ( Somy Sridas) and the defence lawyer (Abhirami Ramesh) vigorously arguing the case and questioning the witnesses, there was not a dull moment in the play. All the artists, including Sowmya,  playing the role of a Housekeeper who is the jealous guardian of the murdered Businessman, lived their roles.  However, I would like to single out Mrs Sneha Ramesh ( mother of Abhirami ), who was going on the stage for the first time and gave a convincing performance.​ So also Kshitij Mathur, the lawyer, who had a long piece requiring phenomenal memory. In the film world, he would have got the title `One-take artist`

Though I had sacrificed both my pre and post-lunch siesta on a Sunday, I sat glued to the seat, thoroughly enjoying the ninety-minute show and the delicious lunch that followed. Congratulations to Chanda Katuria, of PLATFORMANCE specialising in  Drama, Theatre and Musicals, who had conceptualised, written & directed the play. Look forward to more such experiments from her.

A Home for the golden years ( DD-Aug, 2026)

 My first exposure to an old age home was 20 years ago, when my mother-in-law was admitted to a modest home run by a distant relative located in an independent home in a busy residential colony in the suburbs of Chennai. It was close​ to a popular temple and other facilities that senior citizens require. It also provided home-cooked meals. My mother-in-law, a highly independent woman who died at the ripe age of 89, spent the last six years of her life in that old age home, when there were negative connotations about old age homes. Her NRI son, for his own reasons,  ​​decided to keep her in the Home despite my offer to look after her in my home. Just to make her feel we still cared about her, I would bring her home every month for a week's stay. One day, she told my driver, “I don’t know why my son-in-law brings me here every month. I am getting bored here. I am very happy in my  Home with a lot of new friends to talk to. Here I spend the whole day only watching TV or listening to music. Everybody is so busy. That is the first time I realised the importance of a​ senior citizen home in the life of elders and their need to be with like-minded friends in their old age.

Has anything changed with Senior Citizen Homes over the years? Yes, a lot.  ​​Modern-day homes located in gated communities have all the basic facilities that senior citizens need and much more for those who can afford the price.

 During my visit to Coimbatore in 2022, to get an idea of life in senior citizen homes, I visited a few friends staying in popular Senior Citizens Homes to get feedback on their experiences in the gated communities where they were staying. This was for an article I was writing for an online magazine.​ I found all of them very happy. I did not know then that within two years of writing that article, I would myself move into Nana Nani in Coimbatore.

 I have been staying in Nana Nani for more than two years, leading an independent and happy life without responsibilities.​Based on my own experience living in a Senior Citizen Home and my understanding of how many other senior citizen homes function, I would like to make the following observations and suggestions for the benefit of those who are planning to move into a Senior Citizen Home.

 - Judging by the good times that many of the residents are having in many senior citizen homes, I would say it is an option worth considering by people who have reached the end of their useful lives, have no family responsibilities and who are financially independent, to spend their twilight years in peace and contentment

 - It is no longer a stigma on the children if their parents voluntarily choose to stay in senior citizen homes which provide them the necessary independence, comfort and the company of new friends with similar backgrounds.

 -Once they have decided to move to a Senior Citizen Home, they should visit a few Homes and stay in their guest houses for a few days to get a feel of the place. They also must talk to some residents to find out what they think of the facilities on offer and their satisfaction level before they make up their mind.

 -Many new Senior Citizen Homes offer five-star facilities which may not be used by ​everyone, and such Homes are very expensive. It is important to choose a facility which satisfies one`s basic needs and is available at a reasonable cost.

 -It might be a good idea to retain one's own home for some time and sell it only when one is fully satisfied with the Home being considered.. Most of the Homes keep increasing their maintenance charges and meal charges from time to time because of escalating costs. Residents must be prepared to face this contingency.

 -Food becomes a major issue in the Senior Citizen Homes. One has to be mentally prepared to adjust one's tastes to the menu on offer. Coimbatore, the most popular city for SCHs, where most of them offer only vegetarian meals and that too the South Indian variety. One's choice of food & the city where one wants to settle down can also be determining factors in selecting the Home.

 -Better to go for the facilities offered by well-known groups. They have the resources and commitment to run the facilities efficiently because their reputation is at stake. Homes started by individuals or private parties are generally not reliable.

 -It is very important to ensure that the Home has reliable in-house medical facilities and is in a position to handle any medical emergencies. This is one of the main reasons that elders staying alone,  with their children living abroad, shift to Senior Citizen Homes. Many Homes promise this facility but lack the necessary infrastructure to provide the service. Also check if such homes can help you get full-time or part-time attenders in case of necessity. Such facilities normally come at an extra cost.

  -Senior Citizen Homes with attached hospices or with facilities to take complete care of bedridden patients can be considered by working couples who have old and infirm parents who need constant help and attention. Atulya Senior Care, which has branches in several cities, specialises in this kind of service.

 - If you have children living in other cities, go for a two-bedroom facility so that there is a place for them to stay whenever they visit you.

 -If one wants to enjoy one's stay in Senior Citizen Homes,  it is important to be friendly with other residents. Remember that more than one's own children, it is the friends who make one's life interesting in old age. Besides, if one is friendly with the able-bodied residents in the facility, they become one's support group and caregivers in case of emergencies until the family members come and take over.

 I would like to conclude this article quoting the words of a resident in another popular  Senior Citizen Home in Coimbatore.

 ”The two essential needs of every individual apart from roti, kapda and makhan are freedom and friendship. Both these crucial requirements for healthy and happy living are assured in the life of elders in Senior Citizen Homes”