Thrilling moments

All of us go through the inevitable ups and downs in our lives. We have our happiest moments, saddest moments, and memorable moments. When someone asks you what the thrilling moments of your lives were, what would be your response? Is a thrilling moment any way different from a memorable or happy moment? Oxford dictionary defines thrill as `a sudden strong feeling of pleasure or excitement`.

I consider the following as the most thrilling moments of my life:

Like millions of children from a lower middle class family, I grew up in a small one room tenement in a Bombay chawl. The 280 sq. ft room had no place for any kind of furniture leave alone writing tables and chairs for children. As a school student I used to long for a table and chair. But there was no hope with my father’s meager income supporting a big family. So I decided to help myself. As a resourceful person even as a kid I assembled a writing table using the discarded deal wood planks which I picked up from the fruit market adjacent to our chawl. With two planks forming the two legs and one as the top, a functional table was ready.

I can never forget the thrill I experienced when I sat on a multipurpose stool in front of the so called table and put my fountain pen on a notebook to write. At last I had a table to write on!

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Life rolled on. I took up advertising as a career. I moved up in life. Moved to Chennai to take up a new job, when God willed it that I build a house of my own. With loans from Provident Fund, friends and relatives and of course the inevitable LIC, I started construction of my dream home. The foundation was laid, masonry work proceeded swiftly and the walls were built. It was time to lay the roof of the building. On an auspicious day a battery of workers stood in line on the ground, on the ladder etc. to carry the concrete mix to lay it directly on the roof.

At the end of the day my wife and I were allowed to climb the makeshift ladder to see the freshly laid wet concrete, evenly spread across the roof area. Oh! The thrill that went through me that day is still fresh in my memory. Just to think that my family will have a roof of our own and one of my dreams was turning into reality made me have goose pimples!

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My children grew up, school, followed by college, and my eldest daughter got married at the age of 21, when I was in my early fifties. Within two years of her marriage my daughter conceived and everyone on both sides of the family waited with bated for the good news of the arrival of a new born baby. It was 4th December 1996. I was in the office and I got the news that my daughter had delivered a bonny baby boy and that my wife and I had become grandparents for the first time.

I literally jumped from my seat and screamed: “I have now become a Thatha, I have got the greatest promotion in my life!”

Those who have gone through the feeling would know that the joy of becoming a grandparent is much greater than when one becomes a parent for the first time. While with parenthood comes responsibilities of bringing up children and the apprehensions associated with it, grand parenthood is all fun and no responsibilities - at least for the grandfathers!
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Superstitions

A long time ago, when I was attending a residential management course in a Hotel, I had to share my room with another participant, a stranger to me. When we checked into the room together, he requested whether he could occupy the bed which was on the left; because when he woke up in the morning he liked to get out from the bed from his right. Next morning when he got up, with his eyes closed he pulled out a small hand mirror kept under the pillow and opened his eyes holding the mirror in front of his face. Somebody had told him that if you see your own face in the mirror first thing in the morning, then you would have a great Day!

Superstition is universal. Most common ones relate to cats, lizards or the No.13 which is considered an unlucky number in the Western world. Sportsmen, film actors/directors have their own beliefs in numbers, names and good times. Each of us has our own superstitions –probably ingrained into us by our parents early in life or ones we have picked up on the way.

Throughout my life I have been obsessed with Rahu Kalam – 90 minutes of inauspicious time which occurs at different times of the day – every day of the week. On Sunday it is between 4.30 and 6.00 pm, on Mon. – 7.30 - 9.00 am, Tue- 3.00-4.30pm, Wed.-12.00-1.30pm, Thu.-1.30-3.00pm, Fri.-10.30am-12.00 noon and Sat. 9.00-10.30am

When I got into the advertising profession and became an Account Executive (Client Service Executive) I had to attend meetings almost every day. If a client gave me an appointment during Rahu Kalam, I would panic and would find some excuse or the other to either prepone or postpone the meeting! In Bombay, where I started my advertising career, I could never give the real reason for the shift, whereas, when I moved to Chennai I could openly mention Rahu kalam as the reason for postponing or rescheduling a meeting, which is considered an acceptable attitude in the South.

When things go wrong the superstitious amongst us invariably blame the time, the day or any other belief we might have flouted but never agree that we have actually made a genuine mistake.

But our elders were clever people. If one had to perform an act during the inauspicious time or day because of circumstances beyond our control, then they had a solution as well!

Suppose you could not get a train ticket on the auspicious day you wanted to, but got it for another day which was not a good day to start the journey, their solution for this was called Parasthanam – all that you had to do was to move one of the luggage you would be carrying for the journey to a friend or relative’s house prior to the actual day of journey, probably on the auspicious day that you so desired, and collect the same on the way to the station on the day of your journey!

Another concept popularized by our elders is Pari-karam to get rid of the guilt feeling associated with not being able to perform a prescribed ritual on special occasions as ordained by the religion. Not to worry; you just have to do a small Puja or give away things for charity- and God would excuse you for your inability to perform the ritual.

Like negative mindsets, superstitions also come in the way of rational decision making.

In the last lap of my life journey, I am trying to get rid of many superstitious beliefs, and I start with having stopped worrying about Rahu Kalam anymore!


Feedback welcome on 9840392082 or email: rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Female Chauvinists!

What do you call the demanding and bullying type of wives, with an air of superiority, who treat their men with little respect. Female Chauvinists? This term would be particularly apt for the wives of the ever growing breed of henpecked hubands in India, thanks to education and empowerment of women.

There are two types of henpecked husbands. The difference is in the way the wives treat them. While in the first instance the husband is treated like a slave, in the second instance he is treated like a ‘kid’ by the wife. In both the cases the wives obviously are the dominant partners.

In the former case the husband will await instructions from his wife for everything. She will dictate the time when he can get up , have his coffee or his meals, what he can or cannot eat, when he can go out, by what time he should be back home, etc.etc. When guests are visiting she will use him as her able assistant – make him do all kinds of errands. She will monitor his conversation with the guests. Openly admonish him if he is off track or says something which he should not have. He has to be at her service every waking moment.

The second type of henpecked husband is one who is not allowed to do anything. Poor chap doesn’t even know how to light the gas stove, leave alone make a cup of coffee in the morning.

I remember a friend’s wife proudly declaring to a group of friends at a party, “You know, Ram doesn’t know anything; he is like a baby. He doesn’t know what medicine to take at what time. I have to literally spoon feed him”. My dear friend Ram far from being embarrassed was beaming with a smile on his face, proud of his dominating wife! His job is only to be the breadwinner in the family, handing over his entire salary to his wife and waiting every morning for the small change she will give him for his day`s expenses. In the evening he has to account for the generous (!) pocket money she had given him.

I know of a cousin who could not have a free conversation on the phone with anyone, without his wife overhearing him on the parallel line and interjecting with her own comments from time to time. It was embarrassing for the callers but the husband was quite happy his wife was steering the conversation. While we may pity such husbands, they seem to thoroughly enjoy their henpecked status.

What happens to such husbands when their wives predecease them? I have seen a few cases where the guys are totally shattered. Just like what happens to women when their dominating husbands suddenly pass away without keeping them informed about their bank accounts or their assets and liabilities etc. They feel like sailors on a rudderless ship in a turbulent sea. Some recover quickly, take charge of their lives and convert their new found freedom into an opportunity to lead a new life. Others languish in depression, unable to bear the loss of the dominant partner and a few follow their spouses to heaven so that they can serve their master in the other world too!

Thank god I am not a henpecked husband and I have my wife`s permission to say so!!!

Feedback welcome on rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

A Husband for forty years!

I am writing this piece, on the morning of 26th January 2012 when the country is celebrating its 62nd Republic Day – a day when my wife and I lost our respective freedom 40 years ago. Yes! It is our 40th wedding anniversary!

I cannot believe that forty years have just flown by since we got married at Sivakami Kalyana Mandapam on Radhakrishnan Salai in Chennai where the South Indian fast food giant Saravana Bhavan is operating today!

I was 30 years old when I took the plunge; a “late comer” to the marriage scene of those days! My parents were obviously a worried lot! My mother in her relentless pursuit to find a bride for me appealed to every single God in her Pooja room! She even visited Siddhi Vinayak Temple in Prabhadevi in Bombay for twenty one weeks on Tuesdays seeking my favorite elephant god’s help! Lo & Behold; within a month of completing her vow, God answered her prayers! She received a daughter-in-law called Prabhavathy!

We started our married life in Delhi where I was working as a Senior Manager in an Ad Agency. Within thirteen months of our marriage, we gave the greatest present to our parents – grand-parenthood! Our daughter Kavita was born. A year later we shifted to Chennai, had two more lovely children - Sowmya & Balaji, and then moved to our own independent House in Shastri Nagar, Adyar.

Prabha had to face the usual problems that a typical Indian housewife faces in a joint family system. She overcame her problems to start a new chapter in her life, giving full vent to her talents in writing, singing, gardening and other hobbies she acquired on the way!

In due course, our children got married, to partners of their choice, whom my wife and I helped to identify!! My daughters have blessed us with four grand children ( good balance of 2 boys and 2 girls) who are now aged between 8 and 15, while my son who got married 3 years ago is yet to open his account!.

Now a review of our forty years of marriage – was it a successful union, have we lived upto each other`s expectations? Is it a happy marriage?

From my point of view I would say a big yes. My wife has more than lived up to my expectations over the years! Befitting our Indian culture, she helped me look after my family, which included my aging parents. As I was busy with my career and involved with several voluntary organizations, she did a great job of balancing duty to the family and to me. Being a social animal that I was, she attended parties and also hosted plenty of them at home as well. It must have been tough but she did an admirable job.

A fast learner, she overcame several of her initial inhibitions to become a wonderful partner, good daughter-in-law, lovely mother and above all a great homemaker! In the last two decades of her life, she has acquired an identity of her own and walks tall in our social circles! I am certainly proud of her achievements.



What has been my role in this arranged marriage? I believe I have genuinely helped my wife in coming out of her shell. Actively helped her to develop her talents for writing, singing etc. Published a collection of her short stories in Tamil which helped showcase her hidden talents to the world. Far from being a MCP, unlike most of the Indian husbands, I have tried to be a women`s libber in a man`s world! Working shoulder to shoulder with her on many fronts - doing most of the household shopping, helping her in the kitchen when necessary or getting her manuscripts in Tamil typed, proof read them and send them to the publications and always extending a helping hand during parties at home. I have sincerely tried to be an equal partner in this joint venture! We have had our share of fun traveling around the world and within the country.

In spite of the usual quota of differences, misunderstandings and shouting matches involved in any marriage, because of our “forgive and forget policy”, we have never allowed our differences to be carried forward to the next day.

On this special occasion, (when I have completed forty years of being the husband of the same wife!), I thank the Lord for blessing me with a happy marriage and my wife for making it happen! As far as I am concerned it has been a truly successful union.

I wonder what my wife has to say. I must request her to write her piece, which she would probably write in Tamil, her innate language of communication !

Meetings - Part of our lives

I hate meetings! The type of meetings we have in offices, clubs, voluntary and other organisations where discussions go on without any direction. Articulate members tend to dominate a discussion, arguing on a point endlessly. Not allowing the group to come to a decision.
In the last five decades of my working life, I have obviously attended thousands of meetings. In the early years, I have as a Junior Executive taken copious notes of meetings with clients and prepared detailed minutes for circulation and action. While I enjoyed participating in the deliberations of such meetings, I hated them as a non smoker! As there were no restrictions on smoking those days, the meeting rooms used to be a smokers paradise but hell for non smokers.
In later years, as the CEO of a company or as the Chairman of various voluntary organisations I was associated with, I have had the privilege of presiding over meetings. I would always ensure that there was an Agenda, with supporting explanatory notes to ensure that the meeting was always focused. I would also try my best not to allow any articulate member to stray away from a point under discussion. And if a debate was necessary to discuss a hot topic, then after disposing off the routine items on the agenda, I would devote specific time for eliciting views from every member present allowing a few minutes to each one of them. At the end of the discussion, I would put the motion under debate to vote so that the majority view prevailed and a decision taken. Even if the final decision was against my point of view, I would go by the majority decision. I have always believed in the democratic process.
While there are Chairmen of organisations who come fully prepared and are always in control of the meeting, there are others who come for a meeting without even knowing what the agenda is. When I asked one such chairman of a voluntary organization what is the agenda for the meeting, he quipped
“What agenda? I will ask the Chairman of every committee to report on his activities and that is it”.
A few others who are autocrats come with the clear idea of forcing the committee members to accept decisions they have already made on issues. Meetings are just a formality for such Chairmen.
On the other hand there are weak chairmen, who come well prepared with agendas but who have no control over the meetings. They cannot stop a member waxing eloquent on a topic not even under discussion; or stop a few others exchanging gossips among themselves when a serious discussion is going on. To participate in such meetings is very painful.

Talking about members who attend such meetings, one can write a thesis on the subject.

There are a few who arrive on time fully prepared to participate in the discussion. There are others who always walk in late, invariably at the fag end of the meeting giving some excuse or the other for their delay. Obviously such members are more interested in the fellows(h)ip or Dinner that follows a meeting. Some are eternal grumblers; always complaining about something which has been done or not done. They are the typical armchair critics, many of whom fail miserably when given a responsibility!
It is not unusual to find members with peculiar or irritating habits on full display during a meeting. I know of a friend, who had the amazing ability to go to sleep within 15 minutes of the start of any meeting! While a serious discussion was going on, he would suddenly wake up and make a point or express an opinion which was surprisingly very relevant to the point under discussion. Without waiting to hear the response from others, he would again slip into sleeping mode. Obviously while his body was in sleep mode, his sub-conscious mind was participating in the discussion!!
There are a few who keep busy, picking their noses or trying to clear their ears of the accumulated wax while giving the impression that they are seriously listening to the discussions in progress. Some draw caricatures on the writing pad given to them for taking notes; or there are those who take frequent “Bio” or “Dhum” breaks!
In today`s world driven by technology, you will find guys busy browsing through the net on their laptops while attending a meeting. This happens mostly in office meetings or at lectures in Management Institutes. Some of these guys are good at giving an impression that they are actually taking notes from the meeting, by regularly nodding their heads. Thanks again to technology; Video conferences or Teleconferences of people located in different parts of the country or the world are increasingly becoming popular, especially in the corporate world. Saving a lot of time and money for every one involved with such online meetings.

Whether live or online, whether you like or hate it, meetings are an integral part of our working lives!

Feedback welcome on 9840392082 or email: rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Mindsets and Mental blocks

All our activities are governed by certain mindsets which vary from person to person leading to habits which are difficult to shake off. Almost every one has a mindset of his/her own!

The most common mindset is related to drinking coffee. There are people who say, “I get a headache if I don’t have a cup of coffee immediately after my lunch!” Others say “If I have a cup of coffee after 6 pm in the evening or if I sleep in the afternoon, I can’t sleep at night”.

I have no such problems. Even if I sleep for 3 hours in the afternoon on a Sunday, I am fast asleep by my usual bed time of 10 pm! For me any time is sleeping time. The best sleeping pill according to me is a book. Every time I start reading a book, within half an hour, I fall into the deep-sleep mode! If I get up in the middle of the night and am unable to go back to sleep, the best remedy I have found is to start reading a book. No need to chant Ram, Ram, or counting sheep till you go back to sleep.

But I do have a mindset problem! Its related to giving Speeches!

Whether it is a five minute vote of thanks or a 90 minutes lecture in a classroom, I believe in preparation. I write down my speech and rehearse it a couple of times to ensure that I stick to the time limit given to me. The hard copy of my speech also clearly indicates where I should pause (for a possible applause!) or where I should emphasize a point.

This habit continued even after the introduction of slide & tape presentations. I would lug around a Kodak Carousel projector with slides, always accompanied by a typed version of the presentation clearly spelling out the comments on every slide. The fear that I might forget important points made me read from prepared texts.

While pursuing this method of presentation, I was particular about having a podium, on which I would place the papers or the file containing my talk. Getting a podium was not a problem when I addressed larger gatherings in Hotels and other such venues. But when it was a presentation to a small group in a client`s office, invariably the small board room or meeting room did not have a podium. On such occasions I would carry a portable table model podium which I got specially fabricated. Later, I tried to use a foldable steel stand (which musicians use at concerts to keep their musical notes or book of lyrics) to keep my prepared notes while I was talking. These stands were so flimsy that every time I hit it while using my hands to emphasize a point, they would collapse and the papers would start flying all over the room. In retrospect, I realize what a spectacle I was making of myself in front of my audience – all because of a stupid mindset which I could not get rid off!!

Fortunately all this changed due to an incident which took place about ten years ago!

Breaking a Mental block

My wife and I were in Madurai to attend a wedding. Our associate in Madurai, who came to meet me, informed me that the Director of Thiagaraja School of Management wanted to meet me. He offered to pick my wife and me from the wedding hall and take me to meet the Director. While on the way, he threw a bombshell! I thought it was a courtesy call but he said the Director would be happy if I could give a brief talk on Rural Marketing to the Management students of the Institute. I was shocked and livid! I told my friend that I never gave a talk without preparation and besides in the absence of any notes or slides, it would be impossible for me to give a talk.

I retorted angrily, “I have never done this in my life, and I will not do it now, forget it!”

He looked at me with pity and said “what sir! You call yourself a Rural Marketing Expert. Can’t you speak for at least 15 minutes on the subject and follow it up with a Q/A session?”

Even before I could respond, we had reached the Institute and I was taken to the Director`s room. After the usual formalities the Director now threw another bomb!

“Mr. Rajan, I am so happy you accepted my invitation at such short notice. In fact I have assembled the students of both the 1st and 2nd year in the Auditorium, who are eagerly waiting to hear you!”

I felt like a trapped rat! There was no way I could get out of the difficult situation and so I sought some time from the Director. Five minutes to marshal my thoughts on what I was going to say for the first 10 minutes of my first extempore speech!

When I went up to the stage to face over 200 bright boys and girls I felt Iike a naked man in a crowd. To compound the problem, my wife and my niece (who was attending the Management course) were in the audience which further added to my discomfiture!

Marshalling all the courage in the world, I started speaking. There was no podium, no presentation paper and no slides! Just me with a collar mike walking up and down the stage – like an actor giving a solo performance. Within five minutes I realized that the audience was with me, rapt with attention.

Literally, the actor in me took over. Words were flowing. Thoughts were flowing. Examples and anecdotes from my years of experience were coming thick and fast! In the absence of video clips (which I would have normally shown to students) I was literally acting out the commercials!

I did not realize that I had spoken for more than 90 minutes without interruption and with total attention from the boys and girls. This was followed by another 60 minutes of Q & A session. At the end of the nearly three hour session, when I collapsed on the chair; totally exhausted, I found the boys and girls giving me a spontaneous standing ovation. I could not believe I had done it! I had spoken on a subject for 3 hours without a bit of paper in front of me.

Later, my niece told me that it was the best lecture that the students had heard in the two years that they were studying in the college. I was thrilled. A long standing mental block I had about not being able to give a talk without speaking aids was broken. Though I use power point presentations these days and still prepare my speeches, I don’t read a copy of my talk verbatim any more. My comments on the slides in the PPTs are also spontaneous. I feel totally liberated from a mindset which had dogged me for over three decades!

The moral of the story is that age is no barrier for breaking negative mindsets, which often come in the way of better performance in different facets of our lives.

Feedback welcome on 98403 92082 or rvrajan42@rediffmail.com

Talent is inherent

I believe that every human being has an inherent talent. It could be in the form of creative arts, sports, hobbies or some unusual activity which makes the person stand out in a crowd.

Super Star Rajnikanth, won the hearts of his fans with his crazy mannerisms- like his talent for throwing a cigarette up in the air and capturing it in his mouth with a flair. There are others who walk backwards or stand on one leg for a long time or sing in both male and female voices. Many others specialize or cultivate such a talent for winning awards or breaking records or just for their self satisfaction.

As a person who had been involved with the creative business of advertising for over four decades, I have had the pleasure of identifying and encouraging scores of talented people who have done very well in their chosen field of activity.

I remember Kumar, a boy of 12 and a son of the maid servant in our company. He used to spend his evenings in the studio of our office lending a helping hand to the artists who were working overtime. During his spare time, instead of idling, he would sit on an empty artist chair and doodle some drawings. Realizing that the boy had a flair for drawing, I made him a trainee artist. The boy took to the job like a duck to water and blossomed into a very fine artist becoming a junior visualiser and later venturing on his own as a freelance artist.

Another friend’s son who graduated as a lawyer, took to creative writing as a hobby which eventually became his career. He is today a Creative Director in one of the top advertising agencies in the country.

One of the best known examples of a person who discovered his talent in his mid forties and changed his career was David Ogilvy – the advertising legend who masterminded some well known advertising campaigns in the Sixties and Seventies. Until the age of 44, he was a Chef in a French Restaurant.

Age is no barrier for discovering one`s talent. One of my maternal uncles became a prolific writer of couplets in Tamil, after he turned sixty. Another cousin started displaying his artistic talent, as a painter, post retirement. One of my bosom pals- ‘Chaddi Dost’ or `Jaddi Buddy` as they say up North, has blossomed into a writer of Tamil poems at the age of 70. He writes on all kinds of topics.

I started writing my autobiography at the age of 65 and published it two years later. Thanks to the encouraging response I got for my style of writing, I am slowly evolving into a writer of short articles on a wide variety of topics. I am thoroughly enjoying my new identity as an author and writer!

I am proud to say that all the members of my family, including my grand children are talented. Hope atleast one of them reaches the World Stage during my lifetime! Needless to say that it requires somebody in the family to spot the talent inherent in a child and nurture it. Invariably it is the mother of the talented child who dons that role in any society. Though in the case of Cricketing legend Sachin Tendulkar, it was his brother who took on the mantle, sacrificing his own career as a cricketer!

Does everybody with talent get recognition from society? Are they able to use their specific talent to come up in life?

Unfortunately the answer is an emphatic `NO`. All said and done, in the pursuit of a secure career, many children are forced by their parents to graduate in subjects they may not be really interested in. With the result that the child`s inherent talent for something goes unrecognized. The concept that a talent could become a lucrative career has still not found favour with a majority of the Indian parents who prefer to play it safe with their children`s careers! What a pity!

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