SHARAN - TOWARDS MUTUAL SUPPORT

The number of senior citizens with children settled abroad and those living alone because of the breakdown of the joint family system has multiplied manyfold. Correspondingly, the number of Senior Citizen Homes (SCHs) with excellent infrastructure and services for senior citizens has also grown. But what about those who cannot afford such expensive SCHs or those not in a position to move to an SCH for several reasons? Many of them lead an insecure and lonely life. What kind of support system do they have?

This is where informal groups of friends come together in many cities to provide help and support in times of need to such people. This story is about “Sharan”, started by a few friends in the Adyar neighbourhood in South Madras in 2008. Reflecting on its origin, Shri R.Shanker, one of the two founders with children living abroad, has this to say:

“During my walk in Indira Nagar, Adyar, one day, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was my friend T S Venkataraman, whose children also live abroad. He talked about the need for a few friends living alone in the neighbourhood to come together to form an informal support system –to support the elders in their own homes, particularly during health emergencies, apart from offering any other help they need.”

Both friends decided to act on the idea with a few more friends. The result was the birth of Sharan, an association of senior citizens, which was registered under the Tamil Nadu Societies Act in 2010 with the primary objective of providing ‘Mutual Support’ to its members.

T S Venkataraman adds, “We initially faced difficulties in enrolling members, as many were sceptical about the need for one more association. Two well-written articles about Sharan in The Hindu supplement “Downtown” and a report in “Adyar Times” catalyzed to create more awareness about Sharan among residents of Adyar and adjoining areas. What differentiates Sharan from the other associations is its aim to promote among its members is, the spirit of mutual support; a desire and mindset in every member to help others in the group in times of need to the extent possible.

An ex-Sharanite, Hariharan, with help from his designer son, helped design the Sharan logo. The visual of multiple stretched hands represents the motto of Sharan: “Towards Mutual Support”. Another Sharanite, Dakshinamurthy @ Kavignar Thenmugan, wrote the lyrics for a special Sharan Anthem, which was set to music by Sharanites Radha Shanker and Usha Sethuraman.

Every meeting of Sharan starts with this anthem sung by a couple of Sharanites. Sharan is managed by a committee consisting of the President, Secretary, Treasurer and six members who are elected by the members and hold office for a period of two years. The first President of Sharan was Prof. V.Narasimhan. He was followed by T.R.Gopalan, R.S.Bakshi, and Dr.H.Raman. Since the beginning, Sharan has seen the Presidents and their Secretaries with the active support of the Management Committee members, doing a commendable job.

In order to provide opportunities for members to bond, Sharan regularly organises cultural and social activities. Within ten years since Sharan started, scores of activities covering lectures, visits to old age homes, outstation trips both within the country and abroad, Temple visits, celebration of all important festivals, musical evenings, workshops on health-related subjects and many other activities which would help members bond, were held regularly. On the personal level, any appeal or help sought by members through telephone calls or messages in the Sharan WhatsApp group was promptly addressed by members living close to the affected person.

Like all other associations, the COVID pandemic made Sharan go online. It was in July 2021, when the pandemic was at its peak, that K. Vishwakumar took over as the fifth President of Sharan with Raji Venkatesh as his secretary for a second term.

Raji says, “We conducted virtual meetings with Sharan members month after month during the first 7 months, from Aug 2021 to Feb 2022. In May 2021, the chanting of the Dhanwantri Mantra by a group of dedicated Sharanites was started for the good health of all members. I am glad to say that this online chanting is continuing even now every day without a break.”

It is interesting to note that a Dhanvantri big homam was performed on 17.12.25 at Viswakumar’s residence for the well-being and prosperity of all members and mankind.

When the physical meetings started again, Vishwakumar offered the air-conditioned meeting hall on the second floor of KOKILADVANI in Valmiki Nagar, which he owns, for FREE to Sharan to conduct all its meetings. He has also provided a basic sound system and a screen for use in meetings.

This hall can comfortably accommodate about sixty people. Since then, Sharan has had all meetings at this Hall. Only for special meetings like the AGM or the Founders Day celebrations, where the attendance is bigger, are outside venues considered. Expenses related to some of these meetings are sponsored by some members. This has helped Sharan save a considerable amount used for hiring a hall and paying for refreshments.

It was during Vishwakumar's tenure as the President that Sharan brought out a book commemorating the Pearl Anniversary (12th Anniversary) of Sharan. The book gives not only the History of Sharan but also a brief bio of its members. Though Smt Janaki Venkatraman and R. Parameshwaran have succeeded him as President, Vishwakumar, supported by his wife Geetha, continues to be a live wire Past President, extending every possible help to the new teams in their efforts.

Some of the new ideas introduced during the last three years include revival of Sharn E magazine ( a quarterly online magazine edited by Parameshwaran), formation of three distinct Whats App groups covering Sharan News, Sharan Greetings and Sharan entertainment to ensure that important information is not lost in the deluge of responses and forwards by members and the formation of special interest groups like cards, music, share market, chit chat, potluck etc. Besides programmes like `Chai Pe Charcha` and Breakfast meetings in members' homes, the President and Secretary also visit the homes of the new members and others who are having mobility problems, creating better bonding.

Sharan started with just 10 members. As of June 2026, it has 130 members. Interestingly, except for a few singles, most of the members are couples. Ladies take a more active part than men in all the activities. From an informal association of a few friends, Sharan has evolved into a very vibrant group which is run on professional lines while retaining the core principle of `Friendship`& `Mutual support’. It is a fact that in today's digital world, it is friends, more than family, who help in fighting loneliness among elders.

I would like to conclude this article with a quote from a member, Mrs Malthy Sinha,” Good friends are like stars; you don't always see them, but you know they are always there for you.”

(Latest issue of Madras Musings carries this article)

JURY DUTY- People Vs Ananya Sharma

A Crime drama  with a difference ( Review)

I went to see a Crime drama  ( not a murder mystery) this Sunday, primarily because my daughter Sowmya was donning a small role in it. Titled Jury Duty- People Vs Ananya Sharma, it was held at the Crimson restaurant in Broadway Mall in Coimbatore, in front of an audience consisting of friends and relatives of the performing artists. It was an  Immersive Theatre Experience, where the audience became jurors to decide whether the accused is Guilty or Not Guilty! Am told that it was a first-of-its-kind experiment by any theatre group in Coimbatore.

What impressed me was the enormous efforts put in by Director Chanda Katuria and her team to make the whole show feel authentic. Each table with members of the audience acting as jurors had a file containing the case details, with a writing pad & pens to make notes and placards featuring the words guilty, not guilty and not convinced.

 After each of the three acts, when the audience was asked to give their opinion, there was animated and serious discussion among the jurors!
With the prosecutor ( Somy Sridas) and the defence lawyer (Abhirami Ramesh) vigorously arguing the case and questioning the witnesses, there was not a dull moment in the play. All the artists, including Sowmya,  playing the role of a Housekeeper who is the jealous guardian of the murdered Businessman, lived their roles.  However, I would like to single out Mrs Sneha Ramesh ( mother of Abhirami ), who was going on the stage for the first time and gave a convincing performance.​ So also Kshitij Mathur, the lawyer, who had a long piece requiring phenomenal memory. In the film world, he would have got the title `One-take artist`

Though I had sacrificed both my pre and post-lunch siesta on a Sunday, I sat glued to the seat, thoroughly enjoying the ninety-minute show and the delicious lunch that followed. Congratulations to Chanda Katuria, of PLATFORMANCE specialising in  Drama, Theatre and Musicals, who had conceptualised, written & directed the play. Look forward to more such experiments from her.

A Home for the golden years ( DD-Aug, 2026)

 My first exposure to an old age home was 20 years ago, when my mother-in-law was admitted to a modest home run by a distant relative located in an independent home in a busy residential colony in the suburbs of Chennai. It was close​ to a popular temple and other facilities that senior citizens require. It also provided home-cooked meals. My mother-in-law, a highly independent woman who died at the ripe age of 89, spent the last six years of her life in that old age home, when there were negative connotations about old age homes. Her NRI son, for his own reasons,  ​​decided to keep her in the Home despite my offer to look after her in my home. Just to make her feel we still cared about her, I would bring her home every month for a week's stay. One day, she told my driver, “I don’t know why my son-in-law brings me here every month. I am getting bored here. I am very happy in my  Home with a lot of new friends to talk to. Here I spend the whole day only watching TV or listening to music. Everybody is so busy. That is the first time I realised the importance of a​ senior citizen home in the life of elders and their need to be with like-minded friends in their old age.

Has anything changed with Senior Citizen Homes over the years? Yes, a lot.  ​​Modern-day homes located in gated communities have all the basic facilities that senior citizens need and much more for those who can afford the price.

 During my visit to Coimbatore in 2022, to get an idea of life in senior citizen homes, I visited a few friends staying in popular Senior Citizens Homes to get feedback on their experiences in the gated communities where they were staying. This was for an article I was writing for an online magazine.​ I found all of them very happy. I did not know then that within two years of writing that article, I would myself move into Nana Nani in Coimbatore.

 I have been staying in Nana Nani for more than two years, leading an independent and happy life without responsibilities.​Based on my own experience living in a Senior Citizen Home and my understanding of how many other senior citizen homes function, I would like to make the following observations and suggestions for the benefit of those who are planning to move into a Senior Citizen Home.

 - Judging by the good times that many of the residents are having in many senior citizen homes, I would say it is an option worth considering by people who have reached the end of their useful lives, have no family responsibilities and who are financially independent, to spend their twilight years in peace and contentment

 - It is no longer a stigma on the children if their parents voluntarily choose to stay in senior citizen homes which provide them the necessary independence, comfort and the company of new friends with similar backgrounds.

 -Once they have decided to move to a Senior Citizen Home, they should visit a few Homes and stay in their guest houses for a few days to get a feel of the place. They also must talk to some residents to find out what they think of the facilities on offer and their satisfaction level before they make up their mind.

 -Many new Senior Citizen Homes offer five-star facilities which may not be used by ​everyone, and such Homes are very expensive. It is important to choose a facility which satisfies one`s basic needs and is available at a reasonable cost.

 -It might be a good idea to retain one's own home for some time and sell it only when one is fully satisfied with the Home being considered.. Most of the Homes keep increasing their maintenance charges and meal charges from time to time because of escalating costs. Residents must be prepared to face this contingency.

 -Food becomes a major issue in the Senior Citizen Homes. One has to be mentally prepared to adjust one's tastes to the menu on offer. Coimbatore, the most popular city for SCHs, where most of them offer only vegetarian meals and that too the South Indian variety. One's choice of food & the city where one wants to settle down can also be determining factors in selecting the Home.

 -Better to go for the facilities offered by well-known groups. They have the resources and commitment to run the facilities efficiently because their reputation is at stake. Homes started by individuals or private parties are generally not reliable.

 -It is very important to ensure that the Home has reliable in-house medical facilities and is in a position to handle any medical emergencies. This is one of the main reasons that elders staying alone,  with their children living abroad, shift to Senior Citizen Homes. Many Homes promise this facility but lack the necessary infrastructure to provide the service. Also check if such homes can help you get full-time or part-time attenders in case of necessity. Such facilities normally come at an extra cost.

  -Senior Citizen Homes with attached hospices or with facilities to take complete care of bedridden patients can be considered by working couples who have old and infirm parents who need constant help and attention. Atulya Senior Care, which has branches in several cities, specialises in this kind of service.

 - If you have children living in other cities, go for a two-bedroom facility so that there is a place for them to stay whenever they visit you.

 -If one wants to enjoy one's stay in Senior Citizen Homes,  it is important to be friendly with other residents. Remember that more than one's own children, it is the friends who make one's life interesting in old age. Besides, if one is friendly with the able-bodied residents in the facility, they become one's support group and caregivers in case of emergencies until the family members come and take over.

 I would like to conclude this article quoting the words of a resident in another popular  Senior Citizen Home in Coimbatore.

 ”The two essential needs of every individual apart from roti, kapda and makhan are freedom and friendship. Both these crucial requirements for healthy and happy living are assured in the life of elders in Senior Citizen Homes”

 

 

A PLATINUM BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE TO PRABHA

My late wife Prabha would have turned 75 today  (27th July,`26). A Platinum Birthday! Prabha's passion for gardening as a hobby is legendary in our family circles. I always used to tease her that her first love was gardening – everything else was secondary.  As a tribute to her memory, I would like to share an article I wrote about her passion for gardening​ some time ago.

.Excerpts from the original article:

Over the last several years that we have been living in our own house, Prabha managed to grow hundreds of flowering plants and other green plants. We have over six varieties of jasmine (Malli): Nithya Malli, Pavala Malli, Mullai,​Jadhi Malli, Adukku Malli, & ​Gundu Malli, and over forty varieties of crotons and scores of colourful Hibiscus, Exora and Arali plants; flowering plants with no fragrance.

We even have fruit-bearing trees – Sapota (chikku), Guava, lemon-sized Japanese oranges (called Kungfat) besides a coconut tree, banana tree, mango tree and even a drumstick tree!

In the absence of a regular gardener, ​Prabha tends to each plant herself. Every morning she would go around the compound checking, trimming, weeding, cleaning and generally looking after the plants. Spending nearly 60  minutes on this particular activity.

Whenever we were travelling, she constantly worried whether the maid had watered the plants or not. Almost akin to how pet owners worry about their pet dogs or cats when they are away on tour.

As soon as we returned from any tour, the first thing she would do is to go round inspecting the plants as if saying “Hey Guys, I am back to look after you!” There is a perceptible difference in the appearance of the plants as well; those drooping suddenly seem to perk up! I wonder if there is any truth in the belief that plants can also communicate with their patrons.

In the morning she would pluck flowers for Puja, and in the evening she would be busy collecting Nithya malli (jasmine) flowers growing on our terrace. Come rain or sunshine, she spends about 60 minutes every day plucking these fragrant flowers (nature's aphrodisiac) and spends another 30 minutes tying them on a string to make a nice ‘maala’ for her hair or for use in the Puja room the next day.

Like all women who are crazy about gardening, when we visited friends and if she found a garden around the host's house, she would go on an inspection tour of the garden before she even said ‘hello’ to the host! But when she tried to pluck saplings from plants in public gardens, where plucking of flowers and saplings was prohibited, I would feel embarrassed.

A week before she passed away, on her request, I took her around her favourite plants in the compound.  She was in a wheelchair. Suddenly, she looked up and asked, “If I die, who will look after all my children?”I was confused. Why was she asking me this question when our children were all married, and we had four grandchildren? She clarified, ​"I am talking about all these plants which I have looked after for the last thirty years like my own children​" I was moved to tears. I assured her that I would look after them as long as I am alive.

PS:

Sorry, Prabha. I was looking after your plants with help from Mythili ( my brother's wife) until both of us moved out of our houses to make way for the redevelopment of our homes. Soon, not only your plants but the whole house would be going under the bulldozer.

My daughter is now the President of a Rotary Club

I went to Chennai on 8^th July for a week, primarily to witness the installation of my elder daughter, Kavitha Srinivas, as the President of the Rotary Club of Chennai Spotlight, an all-women's club, on 10^th July. The function was held at S Convention Centre in T.Nagar

At 6.30pm sharp, the meeting started with the mandatory Tamil Thai Vazhthu, followed by the National Anthem. The surprise of the evening was R.U. Srinivas, Kavitha's husband, singing the invocation song in Tamil, in his melodious voice that set the tone for the action-filled evening that followed. After the formalities of the outgoing President, Dharanija Ramakrishnan, presenting the report of the activities of the Club during her year and the recognition of the team that made it possible, it was time for my daughter to take over the mantle from her.  It was a proud moment for me, belonging to a family of Rotarians, to see my daughter, who was the Annette of the Rotary Club of Madras South, of which both my younger brother Seshadri and I are Past Presidents, take over as the President of another vibrant club.  After a brief but eloquent introduction of Kavitha by her talented daughter Nila, supported by her son Arul on the graphics, it was over to Kavitha.  In her acceptance speech, Kavitha outlined the four major projects she planned to undertake during her year as the President and made a very passionate appeal for funds. The chief guest of the evening, Rtn. DGE Dr​ Vijayabharathi Rangarajan  was spontaneous in committing Rs I lakh towards the club's projects next year. Apart from the family and friends of Kavitha, including her brother-in-law who had come from Bangalore specially to attend the function, there was a good turnout of Co-Presidents of other clubs and District officials. It was an evening full of “warmth, vibrant energy, laughter, friendship and a sense of purpose”.

Rotary Club of Chennai Spotlight is a dynamic Club with many talented members who get involved in many activities of the club. I am sure Kavitha, a hardworking, committed, people's person, will take the club to greater heights with the support of her wonderful team. Wishing you all the best, Kavitha. God Bless!

 

A DIAMOND BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

 My elder son-in-law, Ranganathan Uppili Srinivas, popularly known as `RU` among friends and `Cheenu` among the family, is turning 60 today, 25thJuly,`26. While welcoming him to the world of senior citizens, nay, Seenagers, my mind travels back in time to when he became a part of my family. He is the only son in his family after four sisters. After completing his CA in India, he went to do his MBA at Oklahoma State University in Boston, USA. He worked in Boston for a couple of years before he returned to India to look after his old parents.

In 1994, I was looking for an alliance for my elder daughter Kavitha, who had turned 21. After getting a gold medal in Fine Arts from Madras University, she was working in my advertising agency as an artist. I came to know about RU through a friend. After all the formalities were over, the wedding took place in `Santha Sundara Mahal` on LB Road in Adyar, where the Eros Cinema was located. It turned out to be a grand society wedding with a large gathering of friends and relatives from both sides attending the wedding. I remember many guests commenting that RU and Kavitha looked like a `Made for Each Other` couple, which they continue to be. Immediately after becoming my son-in-law, RU asked me if he should address me as `Mama' or ' Appa '. He was more comfortable calling me `Appa`. Much to the annoyance of my late wife, my relationship with RU has been more like a friend than a father-in-law.

RU, very intelligent, articulate, caring and tech-savvy, is a people person with a huge network of connections, spread across the country. He is always keen to learn new things and puts his heart and soul into whatever he takes up. Like his entrepreneurial effort in starting `Idli factory`, making ready-to-eat oblong-shaped Idlis coated with gunpowder ( Idli podi), sold in a carton with six Idlis, with tissue paper. It was indeed a very innovative idea as a travel companion.

A man with a golden voice, popular as a singer in social get-togethers, he decided a few years ago to learn Carnatic music while simultaneously honing his skills as a `Karaoke` singer. An early riser, I have found him practising singing (`Sadhakam) every morning, sitting next to the window in his drawing room. He would take a break to give me a hot cup of filter coffee as soon as I came out of my room after my morning ablutions, whenever I was staying at his house.

RU is a typical Corporate Honcho who loves partying. A great conversationalist, he is a person who loves to argue. Sometimes, I feel that he does it for the sake of arguing, but all the same, he is delightful company. He has done well in life and is a much-respected professional in his field, and is very popular among friends.

I am also happy that he has given full freedom to my talented daughter Kavitha to indulge in her passions and supports her in every way. They blessed me with Arul, my first grandchild and later Nila, both very intelligent and talented, like their parents. Both kids are very mature and have their heads on their shoulders, and are doing well. God bless them

On this day when he celebrates his landmark birthday, I pray god to bestow good health and happiness on RU and help him realise all his unfulfilled dreams in life

 

TWO IMPORTANT EVENTS IN ONE EVENING

 I went to Chennai on 8^th July for a week, primarily to witness the installation of my elder daughter, Kavitha Srinivas, as the President of the Rotary Club of Chennai Spotlight, an all-women's club, on 10^th July. The function was held at S Convention Centre in T.Nagar and was scheduled to start at 6.30 pm.

 Just a couple of days before leaving for Chennai, I received an invitation to attend the Prize distribution function for the winners of the mega short-story competition in Tamil, conducted by Raya Chellappa in memory of his late mother Swarnambal. There were 325 entries and 35 prize winners. I got one of the ten second prizes of Rs 2000/-. The venue was Anna Centenary Library, and the function was to start at 5.00 pm. I was in a dilemma: whether to stay until I ​received the prize from the hands of Tiruppur Krishnan, the chief guest, or leave at 6.00 pm to be in time for my daughter’s function. I chose the second option and missed receiving a prize in a short story competition I had participated in for the first time in my life.

 When Chellappa knew that I might not be staying back, he decided to honour me with a Ponnadai (Shawl) for my association with the Tamil literary world through Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation. The meticulously planned event also witnessed the release of a book containing all 35 prize-winning stories by the chief guest. Though I collected the certificate about the Prize later, I ​managed to get the two copies of the book which were given to all prize winners​ before leaving the venue. Chellappa had ensured that all the prize winners had received their cash prizes through G Pay on the morning of the event. Kudos to Chellappa and all his family members who ensured that the programme was conducted in a grand manner befitting the occasion.

At 6.00 pm, I rushed to my daughter's function. Within a few minutes of reaching the Convention Centre, the meeting started with the mandatory Tamil Thai Vazhthu, followed by the National anthem. The surprise of the evening was R.U. Srinivas, Kavitha's husband, singing the invocation song in Tamil, in his melodious voice that set the tone for the action-filled evening that followed. After the formalities of the outgoing President, Dharanija Ramakrishnan, presenting the report of the activities of the Club during her year as the President and the recognition of the team that made it possible, it was time for my daughter to take over the mantle from her.  It was a proud moment for me, belonging to a family of Rotarians, to see my daughter, who was the Annette of the Rotary Club of Madras South, of which both my younger brother Seshadri and I are Past Presidents, take over as the President of another vibrant club.  After a brief but eloquent introduction of Kavitha by her talented daughter Nila, supported by her son Arul on the graphics, it was over to Kavitha.  In her acceptance speech, Kavitha outlined the four major projects she planned to undertake during her year as the President and made a very passionate appeal for funds. The chief guest of the evening, Rtn. DGE Dr​ Vijayabharathi Rangarajan, during her speech, was spontaneous in committing Rs I lakh towards the club's projects next year. Apart from the family and friends of Kavitha, including her brother-in-law who had come from Bangalore specially to attend the function, there was a good turnout of Co-Presidents of other clubs and District officials. It was an evening full of “warmth, vibrant energy, laughter, friendship and a sense of purpose”.

Rotary Club of Chennai Spotlight is a dynamic Club with many talented members who get involved in many activities of the club. I am sure Kavitha, a hardworking, committed, people's person, will take the club to greater heights with the support of her wonderful team. Wishing you all the best, Kavitha. God Bless!

 

Reinvention at 70

My reinvention story started after I retired from my job in 2007, as the CMD of Anugrah Madison, a company I founded in 1986, at the age of 44. Inspired by hundreds of biographies I have read (and still read), I decided to pursue a lifelong dream of writing my autobiography, immediately after retirement. It was a candid story of a boy from a lower middle-class family, from the chawls of Bombay, who rose to make a name in the world of advertising as a specialist in Rural Marketing/communication. Interesting story of a city boy becoming a rural specialist! An uncommon story of a common man. 

The success of my autobiography titled ` Courage My Companion` published in 2009, made me take up writing seriously. Encouraged by Mr S.Muthiah, a veteran journalist and my mentor, I started writing on various topics. I uploaded them to my blog and also shared them with my contacts through social media. Many of my articles were also published in both local and national media. The positive feedback I got for my style of writing encouraged me to try different genres of writing. I am happy to say that in the last 16 years, since the publication of my autobiography, I have published 13 books covering eight genres of writing. It includes, besides my autobiography, a book on Rural Marketing, three books containing collections of my essays published in the media, a short story collection, a novella, History of an Association, a biography of a well-known Rotarian etc. Today, writing is one of the important activities, besides reading, which keeps me busy.

 Though I retired as the CMD of my company at the age of 65, I continued for the next five years as the Chairman Emeritus of the company, attending the office for half a day. This allowed me to use my Secretary in connection with a few professional and voluntary organisations I was involved with. She also helped me in my presentations on Rural marketing to the students of management institutes across the country. At 70, I finally decided to cut my umbilical cord with a profession with which I was associated for 45 long years. Simultaneously, I also decided to resign from all statutory responsibilities connected with all the other organisations I was involved with. I also stopped teaching. I did this to ensure that I lead a stress-free life, post retirement. Sports, Music, and watching films on OTT or TV do not interest me. Though I believe in total surrender to God, I am not spiritually oriented. So I concentrate on my writing, reading, and also cooking -another passion which I enjoy. I experiment with new recipes, which I share with friends and family. 

2013 marked an important turning point in my life because of two incidents: I lost my wife, Prabha, in January, and I had a heart attack necessitating angiography with one stent placed in my heart in December. It was April ,2012 ,that we had a memorable trip to Kashmir. Prabha called it a `childhood dream come true`. Unfortunately, within six weeks of our return from that dream holiday, her world came crashing down. We discovered that she was being consumed by the dreaded crab disease, and metastasis had already set in. Exactly seven months after the diagnosis of the disease she was gone on 5th January,2013. She was only 61. My `Kashmir ki Kali` left me after being my life partner for 40 years.

 Though her end was expected, as it was terminal cancer, I was shattered. However, I decided to stay alone in my part of the home instead of merging with my son's family. I tried to maintain it as well as she would have liked me to, as Prabha was a house proud woman. I had promised to look after the garden that she had created around my home. I did it with the help of a gardener. I always felt that she was around the house and keeping an eye on me. Many friends who came to offer condolences assured me that time is a great healer and I would forget and learn to live without Prabha. But I decided not to forget her. Instead of mourning her death, I decided to celebrate her memory by starting the Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation ( PRTF) in 2013. Prabha, encouraged by me, had become an accomplished story writer in Tamil, late in life. Through PRTF, I started helping budding women writers come to the limelight. I have been doing this by sponsoring writing competitions in association with some well-known Tamil magazines, besides helping some of them publish their first books. These activities also keep me busy in my old age. While coping with the loss of my wife I got very busy completing my book on Rural Marketing and getting ready for its release in October,2013. The hectic schedule preceding and following the event and the tension associated with it resulted in my getting a heart attack. While recovering from the setback, staying alone in the house, I started missing Prabha- the minute-to-minute care that only a life partner can give and which you can demand from her. It was a wake-up call, making me realise the importance of looking after my health. 

I decided to completely change my lifestyle, to ensure that I face my twilight years with good health. I stopped imbibing the cup that cheers and the deadly snacks that go with that habit. I ensured that my dietary habits also changed to suit my new lifestyle. I have a good breakfast, a moderate lunch and a frugal dinner before 7.00 pm. I go to bed by 9.00 pm and get up by 4.30 am. In addition to my morning walks, which I have been doing for the last 50 years, I also started doing some physical exercises at home, which included Pranayama and Meditation. I have never been physically adventurous, but I am willing to challenge myself with new projects which involve my brain. My general health parameters are ok, though I do suffer from shifting muscular pains and other age-related health issues. I have learnt to live with them. In 2024, 

I made another major decision with a long-term vision. I decided to shift to Nana Nani, a well-run senior citizen home in Coimbatore, to lead an independent life without responsibilities, despite having everything going for me at my home in Chennai. I had my son staying with me, and my siblings staying in the same housing complex. My elder daughter was just 10 minutes away by car. I did this to ensure that I am not a burden on my children on a day-to-day basis. Another reason was that my 40-year-old independent home was beginning to show many cracks and was becoming a security risk. I wanted to clear the way for my son to take up the redevelopment of the house. I chose Coimbatore to move because of its pleasant weather 10 months in a year as against the scorching heat of Chennai for 9 months in a year. Besides, Nana Nani offers many facilities. It has a vibrant community. Apart from the instant medical facilities, it also has many in-house activities to keep me busy, without having to go out. I have become popular as a writer in the community, with the residents eagerly looking forward to my reviews of programmes held in the community. I have helped many writers and other talented people in the community to come to the limelight through my interview-based articles, published in some magazines and shared on social media. I was thrilled when, within 12 months of my stay in the Home, I received the `Inspiring Writer Award` from the residents at an Award function. 

My friendly nature and positive attitude have helped me to make many new friends who make me feel a part of a big Nana Nani, Phase 4 family. I don't feel lonely at all. Besides, my policy of `detached attachment` towards my near and dear ones helps me in not missing anyone. I am very happy with my stay at NNP4 for the last two years. 

As an Octogenarian at 83, I am enjoying my new avatar as a writer/author while following a policy of making at least one person happy every day. I am financially secure and can manage my affairs without depending on my children. I have discovered the joy of giving- sharing my resources, in terms of cash, kind and my time, for the benefit of those in need. Staying in a Community like Nana Nani, I feel a new purpose and meaning in my life. I am leading a stress-free life, waiting impatiently for the final departure call from my maker, constantly praying that the Lord above takes me with my shoes on.

LRGK- A HELPFUL SOUL – A tribute

 The news of the sudden demise of L. Rajagopalakrishnan (LRGK- 87), my wife Prabha's elder sister Jaya's husband, brought back memories of my long association with him. I first met him at my wedding in 1972. As Prabha had lost her father when she was only 20 days old, LRGK performed the role of her father at the wedding, while her elder brother Srinivasan conducted the wedding. LRGK was a handsome young man who played an important role at the weddings of my two daughters held in 1994 and 1998. Since I had opted for the labour contract for the catering, someone from the family needed to keep a close watch on the utilisation of the materials by the chief cook. LRGK, a knowledgeable man on the subject took charge of this job. He positioned himself outside the store room where all the groceries and vegetables required for the wedding were stored and kept a close watch on the materials being taken by the cook. Often missing out on important events at the weddings.

LRGK was an ardent devotee of Lord Murugan. As a father less child, LRGK had to struggle against all odds to get his B.Com degree. Like my father, he had no other interests in life except his family and his job in the TVS group as a manager in a department. He was a doting husband and a caring father. As the only surviving maternal uncle for the children of his sisters, he would be the first to arrive at any event in their families to extend whatever help he could. He was extremely popular among all his nephews and nieces.

As his first son was disabled due to a birth injury, he was particular that his second son, Parthasarthy, popular as Keerthy in the family, was well educated. Keerthy was not happy with the BSc degree for which he was admitted to a private college and wanted to get a Bachelor's degree in Engineering.. Though he had already spent a few months in the college, LRGK went to the office of the Vice-Chancellor of SRM College of Engineering to explore the possibilities. He sat outside the office of the Vice Chancellor for two days and did not leave until he secured admission for his son. A man of determination and perseverance indeed! Keerthy did not let him down. After getting his Engineering degree, he went to the USA on a job visa, where he later decided to settle down. He married Sangeetha, a girl chosen by his parents, who proved to be an ideal match for Keerthy. This made for each other couple have two teenage children – son Madhav Ojas (16) and daughter Yahvi (13) excelling in their chosen fields. It is a happy family making their parents proud.

LRGK was lucky that Keerthy, who was visiting India on a short holiday, was with him during his last days and will leave for the USA only after performing all the rituals. My heartfelt condolences to the family, particularly to Jaya, who has been a pillar of strength to LRGK in his life. Despite the many serious health issues that she has, it is commendable how she faces the many ups and downs in her life with tremendous willpower. I pray to God to give her the strength to face the loss of her life partner for 58 years.

May his soul rest in peace!

Article on me in Kalaimagal

 English version of my answers in Tamil to 10 questions from the editor of Kalaimagal monthly, which has appeared in the June 2026 issue of the magazine.

A glimpse into my life story

A few words about your parents?

My father was the eighth child and fifth son in a family of 9. Due to family circumstances, he did not complete his college education. ,He was a 100% domesticated man concerned only about his office and family. Though he may not have achieved great heights professionally, as a family man, he excelled himself. He had a tough exterior, but had a kind heart and a great soul, ever helpful to people in need. He ensured that all his children were well settled in life.

My mother was the eldest of a family of seven siblings and was 4 years younger to my father. Though she had studied only up to 4th standard, she made up for it with her common sense and charming personality. She was very popular both among our family members and the Community in the one-room tenement in a chawl in Matunga, Bombay, where our family of six was staying. She was also a fantastic host who would not allow any guest to leave our home without partaking of a simple meal she cooked with love. I was my mother`s favourite because not only did I extend whatever physical help I could, but also because she knew that I was a very ambitious and would do well in life. While my father was against many of my bold decisions ( though he never stopped me from taking them), my mother would support me, saying that her favourite God would help me to succeed in whatever risks I took in life. I owe a lot to my mother.

I learnt the following values from my parents;

Being honest & straightforward: Unshakeable faith in God; Constantly seeking the Divine Grace (Kadvaul Anugraham) and Elders’ Blessings (Periava Aashirvadam); Being helpful to others in need; Valuing relationships.

Interesting incidents in your marriage

My marriage was held on 26th January 1972, Republic Day, at the Sivakami Kalyana Mandapam, on Radhakrishna Salai (where the Saravana

Bhavan Restaurant used to function for some years). I had some trouble getting leave as I was in the midst of getting ready for the launch campaign of ‘Ricory’ instant coffee. My boss reluctantly agreed to give me a week’s leave on the condition that I should supervise the recording of the Ricory Radio Spot scheduled at a studio in Chennai the day before the wedding! I agreed! But that decision was the cause of a lot of tension in the wedding hall, as I was held up in the recording. Everyone was asking about the missing b,ridegroom. With great difficulty I managed to extricate myself from the recording and landed at the wedding hall at 6.30 pm, much to the relief of everyone!

A few words about your wife

Though a reluctant starter, Prabha was a fast learner. Once she got onto something, she would put her heart and soul into the job. Whether cooking meals for a small family of 5 or a party of 40 people, maintaining her garden with hundreds of plants with love and care, attending music classes, or handling any assignment given to her by the neighbourhood Ladies Club or the Inner Wheel Club, she proved to be a very dependable and dedicated worker. Her soft nature and her passion for doing things perfectly earned her a lot of admirers.

Her multiple talents were hidden from me for the first sixteen years of our marriage when she was bringing up our children while I was very busy building a successful career and very active in social organisations. While I thought everything was going well with Prabha and me, an explosive letter she wrote to me in Tamil, opened up my eyes to the reality. What I did with the letter and how it became a turning point in her life and our relationship is a story well documented in my autobiography.

Post that event, Prabha became an accomplished writer in Tamil. Prabha`s transformation, from an introvert with low self-esteem to a person who became self-assured and confident, was complete. I was truly proud of her progress in life

When she passed away in 2013 of cancer at the age of 61, instead of mourning her death, I decided to celebrate her memory by starting Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation (PRTF), which has been helping talented female writers to come to the limelight for the last 13 years through various activities. I am happy to say that the very first short story contest sponsored by PRTF in 2013 was held in association with Kalaimagal magazine.

An unforgettable experience during your life in Bombay?

There are many unforgettable experiences I have of my life in Bombay. Though I have won many awards and recognitions over the years for my involvement with professional and voluntary bodies, the one that stands out is the very first award in my life- ` Best Student Award` from R.A Podar College of Commerce in 1961

when I was studying in the Junior B.Com ( 3rd Year), I was neither a brilliant student nor a successful sportsman but very actively supported many professors in their projects. Even then, I had the reputation as a good organiser of programmes. I was equally delighted when the news of the award appeared with my photograph in the Free Press Bulletin belonging to the Free Press group of Papers.

How did you become a pioneer in the advertising world?

Though I was in the advertising business for 45 years, I earned the reputation as a Rural Marketing Specialist only after my shift to Chennai in 1974 at the age of 32. Since there were not many consumer product clients, I used my knowledge of rural marketing acquired in handling Madras Fertilizers ( MFL) account, to get other agri input clients like Shaw Wallace, EID Parry etc. The tie up of my agency with Madison Communication of Bombay to start Anugrah Madison as a rural division helped us get a variety of clients because of our ability to think of rural campaigns in specific languages. My reputation as a pioneer in the field of rural communication got me the `Lifetime Achievement Award` from Rural Marketing Association of India ( RMAI), of which I was the Founder President for the first four years.

Did you have any Guru who helped you in your career?

My choice of advertising as a career was a planned one, and I made the decision on my own. Right from my student days, I was creatively inclined. Besides writing short stories in Tamil, I would also write plays in Tamil, in which I would also act. In addition, I was also attending special drawing classes. So when I scored the highest mark in the subject `Salesmanship and Publicity` in the first year of my B.Com course, the seed for considering advertising as a career choice was sown in my mind. Immediately after getting a B.Com `( Hons.) degree. I did a PG DiplomaAdvertisingcourse in Advertising and Public Relations and landed a dream job in Clarion McCann Advertising as a Management Trainee. As they say, rest is history. Though I was shaped by good bosses in the initial years, I can`t say that I had any single Guru in my life.

Have you ever regretted missing something in your life?

Yes, one of the biggest regrets in my life is that I did not get a PhD in the subject of my specialisation- Rural marketing. I always wanted to be known as Dr R.V.Rajan. Though some friends suggested that I could easily get a doctorate from some American universities by paying a fee, my conscience did not allow me to take that route..

What made you take up writing in English and Tamil post-retirement?

I was a writer in Tamil during my student days. Once I joined the demanding advertising profession, I had no time to indulge in any hobbies, including writing. However, I wrote for English business magazines on my profession. My new Avatar as a writer/ author in English, started at 65, when I retired as the CMD of Anugrah Madison Advertising and wrote my autobiography.

The success of my autobiography titled ` Courage My Companion` in English, published in 2009, made me take up writing seriously. I started writing on various topics. Many of my articles were also published in both local and national media. I am happy to say that in the last 16 years, since the publication of my autobiography, I have published 14 books covering eight genres of writing. I revived my interest in writing stories in Tamil only 2 years ago, when I learned to key my stories in Tamil on my laptop. However, I write my stories in English first and then do the Tamil versions myself instead of getting someone else to do it.

How did you get involved in the audiovisual medium?

I was around 13 years old when I received `Gevabox` camera as a gift. That was the beginning of my love for photography, and later as a person with an abiding interest in the audiovisual medium. I kept shooting pictures initially in black & white and later in colour. When the use of slide and tape presentations became a popular audiovisual medium, I took to it like a duck to water. I not only used the A/V medium for client presentations but also to produce short 10 to 15 minute presentations to promote the service projects of several voluntary organisations I was associated with. I am proud to say the scores of my project promotional presentations have helped the institutions to get several crores, as donations., I thoroughly enjoy sitting in a studio and producing short video films paying tributes to people. After the video film on my good friend, (late) `Charukesi` that I had produced seven years ago, I had the privilege of producing a six-minute video on Rtn Ramakrishna Raja on his death Anniversary two years ago.

How is life in Nana Nani, Coimbatore?

Nana Nani, where I live now, has not only got the best infrastructure and services but also a vibrant community. A lot of talented people here keep displaying their talents in different fields through programmes organised regularly. My reputation as a writer/ author, who helps other writers and talented people to come to the limelight, got me an award as an `Inspiring writer of Phase 4`. Besides, my policy of `detached attachment` towards my near and dear ones helps me in not missing anyone. At 84, I am leading a stress-free and very happy life, waiting impatiently for the final departure call from my maker, constantly praying that the Lord above takes me with my shoes on.

The Sleeping Beauty

  The importance of sleep in a human being`s life can never be underestimated. It is a vital activity—shall we say, inactivity —without which a man can feel miserable. Those who can embrace beautiful sleep every day without problems are blessed!

“I could not sleep the whole night yar!” is a constant refrain from a good friend who is always walking around with red eyes from lack of sleep. On the advice of friends, he tried to count sheep, silently chanted Ram Nam, concentrated on body parts from the toe to the head, tried to read a book before going to bed or watched the comedy channel. Nothing worked! Finally, on medical advice, he started taking a sleeping tablet every night to go to sleep. Though he gets sound sleep, he says he always feels too lazy to get up in the morning, feeling heavy & drowsy because of the tablet!. A bad start to a working day!

I know of a legendary ad man–may his soul RIP–who was a chronic insomniac. A handsome six-footer who was a workaholic, admired and respected by his colleagues, he never slept at night throughout his life. Neither could he sleep during the day. Every morning, he would be the first to arrive at the office as fresh as he could be and start the day by distributing handwritten memos that he had prepared working at home all night, addressed to staff members.

Surprisingly, he was a very healthy man who lived a king’s life and saw over 1000 moons during his lifetime! Not everyone can be as lucky as him!

I had a boss who worked in the office during the night to avoid facing his quarrelsome wife at home, but slept during the day while she was away at work. The weird habit eventually cost him both his wife and his job! Some friends attributed this habit of my boss to his wife`s weird passion for collecting miniature Owls!

There was another boss who would invariably fall asleep while attending a meeting in a boardroom, but suddenly wake up to make a relevant point or raise a question befitting the ongoing discussion and go back to sleep without waiting for the response. Obviously, his sixth sense was at work.

Many others in the world suffer from temporary bouts of insomnia. Often caused by excessive worry, leading to acute stress, eventually resulting in sleeplessness. Dishonest or scheming people who are forever plotting someone`s downfall cannot sleep! Some lovers don’t get sleep because they are fantasising about their heartthrobs the whole night.

Many people cannot sleep at night if they sleep in the afternoon. Or if they consume coffee after 6.00 pm or don`t consume before 3.00 pm. I have no such problem. On any day, even now, I can have a 2-to 3-hour nap in the afternoon and still go to bed by 9.30 pm- my customary sleeping time.

Unlike the adman who led a normal life despite being a chronic insomniac, most of the others who suffer from sleeplessness – temporary or otherwise – are often highly irritable and restless. Making life miserable for their near and dear ones!

More than any sleeping pill or other forms of sleeping aids, I feel that if you have a clear conscience and lead a healthy life without malice towards anyone, embracing sleep whenever you need it should never be a problem! 

SAMBADKUMAR @ Samji -A Sakalakala Vallavan

Sambathkumar @ Samji, a writer, author, poet and a self-taught A/V Expert, in Nana Nani, Phase 4, where I stay now, amazes me with his enthusiasm, energy and his hunger for learning new and challenging creative pursuits. He has been producing entertainment programmes regularly to delight the residents of Phase 4. Even a function to launch his new book is accompanied by a variety of entertainment programmes, which invariably include a short film written & produced by him. Except for acting, he dons all the other roles required in making a film. He conceives the story, writes the screenplay, identifies artists who will perform different roles, and trains them in advance by having rehearsals individually and later as a group. He identifies different locations to suit the story, gets the necessary permissions and sources the props required for the shooting. On the shooting days, he is the cameraman, camera assistant, production assistant and above all, a  Director looking for perfection. Post shooting, he also dons the role of the editor.

When he offered me a small role in the film `ISAI`, I readily agreed. I don't like acting on stage because of my inability to remember long dialogues, but playing character roles in front of a camera is okay with me. I was excited because I was going to act in a film after a six-year hiatus.

He came home to give me the gist of the story and also highlight the role I will be playing. This time, he had decided to introduce some new faces in his film. When some of them said that they had never acted before, he said, `Don`t worry, I know how to make you act`

He formed a WhatsApp group of all those involved in the film and started sending regular messages about the progress. I was impressed with the meticulous planning he had done for every aspect of the film. Once he was satisfied that the Team was ready for the shoot, he sent us a detailed schedule indicating the venue, what scenes were being shot on a particular day and which artists would be required. In the meantime, he had already identified the locations, got the necessary permissions and briefed every artist about the make-up and costumes that they should wear so that they come to the venue, fully prepared.

On the sets, he was a demanding director and also a cameraman, looking for ideal positions for the camera. He would not accept any suggestions from anyone, saying, ` I am the director, and I know what I want` or `Are you the director or am I the director?` Someone quipped, "On the sets, he is a dictator and not a director". He goes for several retakes until he is satisfied with a shot.

The longest shot for the latest film was on the day he was shooting the cutcheri sequence featuring Padmanabhan as a Vidwan singing 3 songs at the meditation hall, with Mrs Uma Maheshwari appearing as a chief guest to honour the Vidwan. She not only came on time but also mouthed the dialogue which Samji had given her earlier, resulting in the sequence being filmed in one take. Considering that she agreed to perform a role in spite of her busy schedule indicated her great regard for Samji and his capabilities. For this particular day of shooting Samji had the help of Revathy Natarajan acting as an assistant director, monitoring the scenes and acting as a prompter, helping the artists refresh their dialogues. Namagiri was busy shooting the audience in action. Most importantly, Samji, with help from a few volunteers, had managed to get over 40 residents to participate in the sequence as a live audience for the programme. I must say that the attendees responded with applause spontaneously whenever it was called for and were very disciplined. Hats off to Samji for shooting this long sequence without any hitch.

Since I was not required for scenes shot in other venues, I did not attend those shootings.

After all the shooting was over, he started the laborious process of editing the film. This is when a film really takes shape. It involves choosing the best shots of each scene from several takes, arranging them in sequence,  adding appropriate titles, superimposing music and doing everything required for what is called post-production work. It is a daunting task.

Once the first cut of the film was ready, he had to go through it carefully, trimming and fine-tuning the film to get the desired impact. The film was now ready to be shown.

In my long life as an adman involved with hundreds of different genres of films, I know what is involved in making even a short advertising film. There are scores of people, each a specialist in his field, to assist the Director in the making of a film. It is always teamwork. Samji prefers to be a one-man army when it comes to filmmaking.  He does it because he is passionate about what he is doing and doesn`t mind the physical and mental stress he goes through in making a film.

 

Samji (82), was a corporate honcho who worked in a very senior position in a multinational company when he had no time to discover his hidden talents while in service. Settling in  Phase 4  after retirement, he realised his penchant for creative pursuits. Starting as a writer and film-maker later, he has proved that age is no barrier to creativity.

Within seven years of his stay in the community, he has published eight books ( six of them thrillers), written more than a hundred poems,  thirty short stories and produced eight films. A remarkable achievement indeed.

He says that he can do all these because of the total freedom he enjoys to do whatever he wants to do. Besides, being healthy for his age allows him to be very active both physically and mentally.

Samji, you are truly a `SAKALAKALA VALLAVAN`. Thanks for giving me a role in your film. It was a pleasure working with you. May you continue to enjoy good health so that you are able to cross new milestones in your journey as a creative person. God Bless!

An edited version of this article has appeared in the May 26 issue of Dignity Dialogue.

 

 

 

 

 

Out of Sight – Out of Mind

`Out of sight, out of mind` plays a major role in relationships. When a friend moves to another city, we solemnly vow to stay in touch. “We’ll talk every week, if not every day”, we say. Weeks turn into months, and before you know it, the only interaction you have is through social media posts. I have realised this after moving to Coimbatore. Not only with friends, but it also happens with family members. You may be out of sight, but you are not out of the minds of friends and relatives because of the opportunity to connect with them through Social Media, WhatsApp being the most popular medium of communication across age groups. I prefer it to one-on-one verbal communication through mobiles. There is a reason for it.

In the last few years, I have found that I don`t enjoy receiving calls, nor do I enjoy making them, for two reasons. As I age and experience temporary memory lapses, I often interject a caller while he is still talking. I am in a hurry to convey something I feel I might forget if I do not convey it to him/her immediately. This obviously irritates the caller, besides the loss of continuity of the conversation. Because of the same problem, I find I am groping for words and fumbling to convey what I want to convey. Hence, these days I try to avoid one-on-one conversations and use WhatsApp for typing most of my communication.

I have also stopped making routine calls to enquire about the health of friends, and also don`t expect others to call me for the same reason. Unless there is an emergency and the need for urgent communication, I don`t call friends or even family members unnecessarily for a friendly chat. So I am not complaining that I am `out of mind` of many near and dear ones because they don`t call me in person.

`Out of sight- out of mind` syndrome also happens when we lose some close friends or relatives, like parents or life partners. In the case of close friends, the memory would remain for a month or two after a mandatory condolence meeting organised by well-wishers. However, in the case of parents or life partner, there would be regular opportunities to remember them thanks to the rituals that are conducted till the first Anniversary. After that, a framed photo of the near and dear ones, duly adorned with a plastic garland, would be prominently displayed on the wall of the house. People who consider their parents as gods are likely to place their photos in the puja room.

In my case, I had placed the garlanded photos of my parents not in the puja room but in a prominent place at the entrance of the house so that I have an opportunity to remember them occasionally. A photo of my late wife, Prabha, was placed in a prominent location in the main hall, which I can never miss seeing every day. Though Prabha passed away in 2013 and has been `Out of sight` for more than a decade, she is not `out of my mind` because of the activities I undertake through the Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation, started by me in her memory 13 years ago!

In the case of friends, though many of them may be out of my mind, the next time I see them, memories of our association come flooding back, and we enjoy going down memory lane!

With the increasing role of social media in our lives, which also helps us connect with long-lost friends, I wonder if the old saying `Out of sight -out of mind` is relevant today.