Dear All,
My second daughter Sowmya Srinivasan has a blog called www.reinventionstories.wordpress.com,
in which she uploads stories of women who have chosen a different path,
a midlife change. One of the first stories she uploaded was of her mother`s; written by Prabha in her inimitable,
simple English in which she talks about her early childhood brought up by a
single parent (her father passed away when she was 20 days old etc) and how she
transformed herself from a very shy person who was not at all
comfortable in any social circle to be a confident individual willing to take
on all types of social responsibilities while finding time to give expressions
to her interest in writing, singing, gardening etc..
What triggered this change? How did it happen? What was the
Turning Point? The following article gives you an idea of the unusual
circumstances under which Prabha became a writer and how subsequent events opened up a whole new world to make
her a multi-talented, socially active woman who was admired by her friends for
her simplicity, commitment to any cause and her childlike enthusiasm for anything
she took up. It is a story of how thinking
`out of the box’ sometimes help us come
out of very challenging situations. It is also a story of how hidden talent
needs to be recognized and encouraged to make the talented persons blossom into
confident individuals.
The article is an elaboration of a section of this story
which is featured in my autobiography titled `Courage My Companion`. Read on
and send me your feedback.
RVR
It was in 1986
that my parents who were staying in Mumbai with my younger brother, decided to
move to Chennai to stay with my family . As the eldest son in the family I was committed
to looking after them in their old age and I was happy that I was going to
fulfill my commitment.
While I was
cruising along steadily on the business front and thought I was doing well on
the home front too, I was in for a shock. Two years after my parents came to
stay with me; my wife Prabha became strangely unsettled.
Often she would be lost in thoughts, irritable and at loggerheads with our three teenage children. Sensing her unhappiness I took
her on a short holiday to Kuala Lumpur and Singapore.
But even after we returned her mood fluctuations continued. One night I returned home from a Rotary meeting to find an envelope on the pillow in our bedroom. It contained a 10 page letter to me written by my wife. She had poured her heart out in the letter in which she complained about my mother, accusing me of being a mama’s-boy, listening to my mother more often than I was listening to her. The letter talked about her lack of importance in the family because of her dominating mother-in-law.
This well
written letter in Tamil was representative of the typical problems an Indian
housewife faces in a joint family system. Though it was very interesting to
read, I was shocked. The letter opened my eyes to the realities of my family
life and particularly it helped me see my wife in a different light.
I realized that
Prabha was suffering from an identity crisis, in spite of the fact that she had
everything going for her; a good family, three lovely children, decent living
conditions…or so I thought! But she was obviously missing an emotional connect
with me
As an
advertising man frequently dealing with creative people, I immediately recognized
her immense talent for writing in Tamil. I decided to use this knowledge to provide
a turning point in her life!
After mulling
over the letter for a couple of days, I took it to the Editor of Mangayar
Malar, a leading Tamil monthly for women. She was initially reluctant to read
the letter as it was a personal letter to me. After some persuasion, she went through
it and wondered why I was showing it to her. I asked her if she would like to
publish it in her magazine as I believed the letter represented the feelings of
thousands of Indian housewives in a joint family system. She agreed that it was
hot stuff but insisted on meeting my wife and talking to her before initiating
any action.
Later I told my
wife what I had done. Though surprised and shocked, she agreed to come with me
to see the Editor. After the informal meeting, she agreed to have the letter published
as the cover story in the July ’88 issue of the magazine, but under a pen name.
Since my mother was also an avid reader of the magazine, my wife did
not want any trouble at home because of the article.
As a part of my
strategy to bring her out of her shell, I took her on a 5-week holiday to USA and Canada carrying a few copies of the
magazine, straight out of the press. I could see that the experience of
visiting new places and meeting new people was beginning to transform her. In a
carefree atmosphere and eating the rich food (loaded with ice-creams!) she even
put on some weight!
On our return
journey, she penned another article describing her problems with her teenage
daughter, which also got published in the same magazine! This led her to try
her hand in writing short stories some of which got published in some popular
Tamil magazines.
Some friends
persuaded her to join the neighborhood Ladies Club and the Inner Wheel Club of
Madras South (the Ladies wing of the Rotary Club of which I was a Past
President). She took to these organizations like the proverbial `Duck to Water`.
She even became the President of the Inner Wheel Club of Madras South within a
couple of years. She started learning Carnatic music and joined a few more classes to learn bhajans and devotional music.
While this helped
improve her self-esteem and develop an identity of her own as a singer and a
dependable social activist (apart from being a great homemaker), she stopped
writing because of her pre-occupation with other activities. This made me unhappy.
All my persuasive powers to make her continue her writing proved futile. I
devised a strategy to revive her interest in writing.
Much against
her wishes , I got a collection of her short stories published as a book and
launched it on her 59th Birth Day at a function attended by a few
relatives and her friends. My strategy worked. Encomiums and praise for her
style of writing started pouring in. Motivated by the wonderful response to her
book, she started writing again resulting in two Novellas and a few more short
stories within 18 months. These were included in her second book published and released
on 27th July, 2012- (her 61st Birth Day), by this time, we had already discovered that she was suffering
from Cancer. I must record my sincere thanks to Shri Ravi Tamilvanan of
Manimekalai Prasuram, a leading Publishing House in Chennai, for going out of
his way to have the book published in record time. The fabulous response to her
second book in the form of telephone calls and letters from readers of the book
provided a good diversion to Prabha from the pain that she was suffering.
I have been
known as a “Projects Man” all my life. Helping Prabha come out of her shell and
blossom into a multi-talented person that she eventually became turned out to
be an ongoing project in my life. Though I provided the turning points, on her
part she grabbed all the opportunities that came her way and tried to do well
in every role she was asked to play. In the process she endeared herself to many
members in the several organizations that she was associated with. The large
number of her friends, who turned up to witness her last journey on 5th
Jan.2013, was a testimony to her success as a lovable human being . Prabha had come a long way in life and I was really very proud of her!
I have
initiated some action to perpetuate the memory of my wife in my own small way. That is going to be the next project in my
life. I will share the details with well wishers in due course.
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