Prabha`s landmark birthday today

Prabha would have turned 70 today (27/7/21).  Though I miss her physical presence I  continue  to live with Prabha in my virtual world. As I have always said, instead of mourning her death I have been celebrating her memory every day for the last eight years. She was my life partner for 40 years. She more than lived up to my expectations over the years (I still don`t know if I lived up to her expectations) Befitting our Indian culture, she helped me look after my family, which included my aging parents. As I was busy with my career and involved with several voluntary organizations, she did a great job of balancing  her duty to the family and her other interests.

A fast learner, she overcame several of her initial inhibitions to become a wonderful partner, good daughter-in-law, lovely mother, doting grand mother and above all a great homemaker! In the last two decades of her life, she  acquired an identity of her own as a writer  and as a socially active person. She walked  tall in our social circles! I was  certainly proud of her achievements.

Though she lived to see the four grand children through my daughters Kavitha and Sowmya  arrive in the world it is a pity that  she is not there to enjoy the two bundles of joy-  3 years old Thavam &  5 months old Bhakthi- our resident grand children born to my son Balaji/Tulse.

In celebration of her memory I am involved with many activities to identify and bring to lime light talented women writers under the auspices of  Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation. In the process  I am  trying to spread happiness around to the best of my abilities. Hope that keeps my dear Prabha`s soul happy!

 

Travails of a Vegetarian ………

 I discovered the problems faced by `pure vegetarians` when they are travelling abroad during my first ever trip overseas in 1976; a five week trip to five countries under a travel grant from Round Table India. While I had no problem in getting South Indian vegetarian fare in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and Colombo, I had a problem when I visited cities in Australia & New Zealand as a part of the trip. I remember visiting various restaurants with my hosts.  Whenever I ordered for a pure vegetarian dish, the response from the waiter would invariably be `No Problem ,Sir`. And every time I would be served a plate of  king sized boiled potatoes, tomatoes,  or carrots arranged neatly on the plate surrounded by celery & cabbage leaves. Occasionally the potato will appear in the form of finger chips on the plate. I was  expected to add pepper & salt to the dishes . I would also add tomato & chilly sauces to make the bland vegetables palatable. When this happened where ever we went to eat, I started shuddering at the thought of having meals in restaurants. Looking at my disappointment, some of the kind hosts with whom I was staying,  offered to cook  special Indian meals at home with some tips from me. I can never forget the delicious Vegetable Pulav which my Australian host cooked for me in Perth without any help from me.

 Another experience happened  during my first trip to Europe to attend The AGM of WOCO( World Council of Young men`s services club to which Round Table India is affiliated)  held in Stockholm in 1980.

 I was attending  a  ‘House party’ on the first night of our stay in Stockholm, at the residence of a Swedish couple. The lady of the house was forewarned about the Indian guest who was a strict vegetarian! Since vegetarianism as a concept was non-existent in Europe those days, the lady had, in her wisdom, decided to steam cook an artichoke, a vegetarian delicacy and garnished it with some leaves which she proudly placed before me on the dining table. I was deeply disappointed. Throughout the train journey, I was living on buttered vegetable sandwich packed with lettuce and cabbage leaves with hardly any tomato pieces. Suddenly seeing something (I had never seen an artichoke before in my life) which looked like a mini tree was shocking— especially because I was very hungry and was looking forward to some home cooked meal. Seeing the disappointed look on my face, the lady approached me and whispered, “I can see that you don’t like what I have cooked for you. Don’t worry, I have some cooked white rice. Can I serve you that?” I literally jumped out of my seat with joy screaming, “Please. . . Please”. When the lady brought a plateful of white rice, I mixed it with all the hot, sweet and sour sauces available on the table and ate like a glutton!

 I am sure my family   would certainly not have approved of my behaviour at the dining table that day. I couldn’t care less! Hunger knows no manners! After a hearty meal and with a burp, I told the lady that it was the best meal I had after several days.

 On my return journey from Stockholm I joined a Danish Tabler, who was driving to Copenhagen.  Next day as part of the day long sightseeing tour I had undertaken, the tourist bus stopped at a City Centre for the tourists to have their lunch. I remember going to McDonalds considering it would be safest for me to get a vegetable burger. When the burger came, I was shocked to find

a suspicious looking red patty along with the cheese slice and was horrified to realise it was a salami piece (prepared from beef). I returned my burger telling the attendant that he had mistakenly given me a beef burger. Twice I was given similar burgers. A local Pakistani gentleman who was watching me then revealed, “There is no concept of vegetarian burger here. If you are very hungry, I suggest that you remove the salami piece yourself and eat the rest of the burger.’ I reluctantly followed his advice with an extra plate of French fries, feeling guilty that I was committing a sin by doing what I did especially on a day when back home I would have been celebrating `Avani Avittam`- annual sacred thread changing ceremony!

 After that experience, on all my foreign trips, especially official trips where I was attending meetings or conferences for a couple of days or more  I began to carry some podis ( dal powders), pickles, Vattha kuzhambu paste, banana or potato chips etc. As soon as I checked into a hotel, I would rush to a nearby super bazaar to buy some milk, yogurt, bread, cheese slices  and bananas and stock them in the refrigerator in the room to provide me a back-up meal for lunch  or breakfast,  if needed.   In the evenings, if there were no official dinners, I would order a plate of white rice from room service  and  have a sumptuous , three course South Indian meal in my hotel room.

 I remember once I hosted a dinner for six South Indian delegates in my room. The delegates from Andhra were excited beyond words when I placed on the table a bottle of `Avakkai( Mango) pickle` and also Ghee which I had carried with me during that trip. I found this more economical than hunting for an Indian restaurant when I am abroad and spending a lot of dollars on a taxi  for a vegetarian  meal which cost only a couple of dollars. And remember, those were the days when we were allowed  only a limited foreign exchange. So every penny counted!

 I must confess that over the years I  became an `Eggitarian` or `Eggarion` as they say,  so that I could  have at least a sumptuous breakfast in most of the Hotels where I stayed.

 The world has come a long way since my early experiences of travelling abroad. Today vegetarianism   has caught up in a big way all over the world. Getting a decent vegetarian meal in most of the restaurants abroad is no more an issue.  Italian restaurants serving delicious cheese and vegetarian Pizzas also offer a good alternative to vegetarians when they travel abroad. Besides opening of Indian restaurants in many cities of the world are helping a staunch vegetarian to survive without having to become an `Eggitarian` like me.

 

Who is a Female Chauvinist?

What do you call the demanding and bullying type of wives, with an air of superiority, who treat their men with little respect. Female Chauvinists? This term would be particularly apt for the wives of the ever growing breed of henpecked husbands in India, thanks to education and empowerment of women.

There are two types of henpecked husbands. The difference is in the way the wives treat them. While in the first instance the husband is treated like a slave, in the second instance he is treated like a ‘kid’ by the wife. In both the cases the wives  are the dominant partners.

In the former case the husband will await instructions from his wife for everything. She will dictate the time when he can get up, have his coffee or his meals, what he can or cannot eat, when he can go out, by what time he should be back home, etc.etc. When guests are visiting she will use him as her able assistant – make him do all kinds of errands. She will monitor his conversation with the guests. Openly admonish him if he is off track or says something which he should not have. He has to be at her service every waking moment.

The second type of henpecked husband is one who is not allowed to do anything. Poor chap doesn’t even know how to light the gas stove, leave alone make a cup of coffee in the morning.

I remember a friend’s wife proudly declaring to a group of friends at a party, “You know, Ram doesn’t know anything; he is like a baby. He doesn’t know what medicine to take at what time. I have to literally spoon feed him”. My dear friend Ram far from being embarrassed was beaming with a smile on his face, proud of his dominating wife! His job is only to be the breadwinner in the family, handing over his entire salary to his wife and waiting every morning for the small change she would  give him for his day`s expenses. In the evening he had to account for the generous (!) pocket money she had given him.

I know of a cousin who could not have a free conversation on the phone with anyone, without his wife overhearing him on the parallel line and interjecting with her own comments from time to time. It was embarrassing for the callers but the husband was quite happy his wife was steering the conversation. While we may pity such husbands, they seem to thoroughly enjoy their henpecked status.

What happens to such husbands when their wives predecease them? I have seen a few cases where the guys are totally shattered. Just like what happens to women when their dominating husbands suddenly pass away without keeping them informed about their bank accounts or their assets and liabilities etc. They feel like sailors on a rudderless ship in a turbulent sea. Some recover quickly, take charge of their lives and convert their new found freedom into an opportunity to lead a new life. Others languish in depression, unable to bear the loss of the dominant partner and a few follow their spouses to heaven so that they can serve their master in the other world too!

Thank god I was neither a  henpecked husband nor a male chauvinist but considered as a `women`s libber` in a man`s world.

 

Zoom meetings have come to stay

Yesterday I saw my three year old grandson on a laptop responding to questions by a lady on the screen. I was told this was his online LKG class. It was on Zoom.  I was amused and wondered how the word `Zoom` has come to dominate our lives. Not sparing even the kids.

`Zoom` has become a generic name for any online meeting. Like `Dalda` was for all types of vegetable ghee in the olden days. Or `Xerox` for any type of copiers even today.

“I am in a zoom meeting” is the common refrain we hear when people who are busy attending online meetings even if they are  using `Google meet` or `Skype` or any other App!

In the beginning of 2020 when  anti Chinese feelings were running high, there were many patriotic people  who refused to participate in online  meetings hosted on Zoom because the company was owned by a Chinese.  Zoom has survived all such attacks  to become  the best App for any type of meetings- one on one, small groups or even Webinars in which hundreds of people can participate.  

While Working From Home`(WFH) has made it inevitable for every one who is employed to work online, or students to attend online classes,  the biggest beneficial impact of  zoom meetings has been  on Senior Citizens. I am one of them.

Dignity Foundation, an NGO devoted to senior citizens with chapters across the country has been conducting zoom meetings for two hours every day  from Mondays through Fridays as a part of their `Chai Masti programme `. The objective is to   provide a regular activity which members look forward to. It also conducts interesting contests on zoom to bring out the hidden talents of its members.  The participation  at such meetings is much more than at the physical meetings they had before the pandemic struck.

As a technically challenged person I had a mental block about attending online meetings earlier. Today I not only enjoy attending such meetings but also actively participate and even give motivational talks on zoom.

Must share some interesting experiences I have had while attending zoom meetings. When the meeting is in  progress I have the habit of watching the proceedings by switching to the gallery mode on full screen which offers you the opportunity to see 25 participants at a time.

Often I find  participants forgetting  to put their audio and video on mute in spite of repeated requests from the anchor of the meeting when a guest speaker is addressing the audience. It is not only disturbing to the speaker but results in embarrassing situations. I found in one of the meetings a participant, who was obviously having a cup of soup shouting to his spouse `There is too much salt in the soup`, He was totally oblivious to the disturbance he caused to the meeting. A few suffering from  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be seen picking their noses or ears or biting their nails or  indulging  in whatever else is  their habit.

Then there are participants who do not know how to position their mobile, or IPad or even laptop that you never get to see their full face. It is part of their face,  top of the head, or  a blank screen showing the ceiling  fan in full flow. It is much worse when a couple try to share the screen. Many have lights falling on them from behind resulting in their faces becoming unrecognizable.

Recently I saw a senior citizen attending the meeting totally restless. He will get up very often, vanish from the screen for a couple of minutes and again reappear. He was in his dhoti and a sleeveless vest. Every time, before occupying his seat , he would unwrap his dhoti and tie it properly. Suddenly I found him performing this act facing the camera- I was shocked but was spared any  embarrassment because he was wearing an underwear!

Many clever people avoid such situations by muting their audio/video and attending to other chores while the meeting is on. If for some reason, their name is suddenly called, they would not be available.  I know of a friend who uses this idea regularly to mark his presence at a meeting. After wishing every one before the meeting starts and participating in the `gup shup`, he vanishes from the screen once the meeting starts. He returns only at the end of the meeting. I use this idea if the meeting is boring but the speaker is known to me.

Zoom meetings also provide opportunities to listen to speakers from any part of the world as it is happening in our Rotary meetings these days. I do, however, miss the tasty snacks preceding the weekly physical meetings we used to have at Savera  Hotel. 

In the `New Normal` it is clear that Zoom meetings have come to stay because of the  many benefits they offer both in terms of saving time and money. I am sure, in the future all institutions having regular meetings will have a combination of Zoom and physical meetings.