Relationships

`Kutram Parkil Chutram Illai` (If you start finding faults, there will be no relationships)- these famous words of my mother have been deeply ingrained in me. Over the years if I have earned the good will and love of not only my near and dear ones but also thousands of people I have across in my life, it is because I value relationships a lot. Whenever faced with a situation where I have to choose between continuing a relationship or cut it off because the person concerned has deeply hurt me by his words or actions- I have chosen to opt for continuing a relationship following the famous adage- `Forgive and forget` . 

Another lesson my mother taught me was not to take revenge on people who have harmed me in some way. She used to tell me “ It is not for you to teach the guy a lesson . Leave it to the almighty to do that. When that happens and when your detractor is suffering , don`t mock at him but extend a helping hand” It is not easy to follow the advice but I have found following it has done a world of good to me in my dealing with difficult people.This can happen only if you are able to control your ego. Many spoiled relationships of people can be traced back to ego problems. 

I remember an instance when I was the President of an all India body. In one of the committee meetings a member unfairly accused me of humiliating him by not featuring his name prominently in a report on some activity. His tone and language were insulting to me. Instead of arguing with the guy and justifying my action, I apologized for hurting him inadvertently and promised to take corrective action. I did not harbor any grudge against the guy for insulting me but decided to be extra nice to him in future. This attitude of mine mellowed the guy so much that he later apologized to me for his impulsive action. We continue to be best of friends even today. 

I know of another instance where a friend `B` was having a major problem with one of his siblings who would insult and humiliate B for silly reasons. He was basically jealous of his brother`s success in life while he was not. B`s wife was constantly egging him to cut the relationship. But B ignored all the insults because he valued relationship. Once when the sibling had a serious accident, he went out of his way to help the guy come out of the crisis. This act of kindness by B , transformed the sibling so much that today he is in best of terms with B. You cannot claim good relationship with people suddenly to gain some short term advantage. It has to be genuinely cultivated and nurtured with good deeds and actions over a period of time. `Sharing and caring` is the best way to build relationships. Good relationships can not only help you in your hours of crisis but also help you in leading a more peaceful and contented life.