The commercial set me thinking about the most discussed topic of `arranged vs. love marriages` – which works better in life?
A random survey in India will clearly show that arranged marriages are still more popular among boys and girls – who prefer to play it safe and leave it to their parents to help them find a spouse.It is another matter that the number of conditions that they impose these days makes it a nightmare for parents to find suitable spouses for their son or daughter. Fed up with such a situation many parents are even urging their eligible sons and daughters to find their own partners. I know of a friend who told his daughter- `religion, caste, creed no bar- just get married`.
In the earlier days, the men had a choice of girls who were paraded in front of them, in innumerable “bride seeing”ceremonies. Very often, after partaking the delicious ‘sojjis and bajjis’ dished out by the girl’s families they rejected the girls, on flimsy grounds. Today the empowered and independent girls have equal say in rejecting the boys, very often on equally flimsy grounds.Because of this the number of eligible boys and girls not getting married is also growing!
The major difference between the arranged marriages of yore and now is that the family’s role stops after they have done a `due diligence` on the potential spouse and his/her family and connected the couple. No more `Sojji & Bajji` meetings.
Once the connection is established between the boy and the girl – it is for them to take the final call. They are given permission to talk and meet each other as often as they want. If the distance between the location of the boy and girl prevents them from meeting often, they use technology to know each other better through the `Net or mobile. This can take a few months before the boy and girl agree to tie the proverbial knot binding them for life. If both the boy & girl are living abroad, it is not unusual for them to be `live in partners` for some time to find out their compatability! During this long gestation period, many couples may even fall in love and agree to marry. And I call it ‘arranged love marriage’
In our days, we started falling in love with our spouses only after marriage. And the bond between the husband and wife grew stronger over the years, cemented by a deep commitment from both to make the marriage work – making tremendous adjustments and compromises in the process!
On the other hand many of the love marriages conducted without the family’s blessings, fall apart when the boys and girls, who were in cloud nine during the process of falling in love, face the realities of life. They discover to their dismay that their loving partners behave quite differently after marriage as compared to how they did before marriage.They are unwilling to make any adjustments, so crucial for a successful marriage. Without the family support system to help them tide over their conflicts, very often such love marriages, fail. It is another matter that even some arranged marriages which are conducted in a hurry fail because the couple discover many incompatibilities after marriage.
It is in this context and taking into account the realities of modern life that the concept of “arranged love marriages” is likely to work better than pure love marriages or marriages arranged in a hurry.
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