Value your relationships

`Kutram Parkil Chutram Illai` (If you start finding faults, there will be no relationships)- these famous words, often quoted by my mother, have been deeply ingrained in me. Over the years if I have earned the good will and love of not only my near and dear ones but also thousands of people I have come across in my life, it is because I value relationships a lot. Whenever faced with a situation where I have to choose between continuing a relationship  or cut it off because the person concerned has deeply hurt me by  his words or actions- I have chosen the former,  following the famous adage- `Forgive and forget` Another lesson my mother taught me was not to take revenge on people who have harmed me  in some way.  She used to tell me  “ It is not for you   to teach the guy a lesson . Leave it to the almighty to do that. When that happens and   when your detractor is suffering , don`t mock at him but extend a helping hand”

 It is not easy to follow the advice but I have found  following it has done a world of good to me in my dealing with difficult people. This can happen only if you are able to control your ego. Many spoiled relationships of people can be traced back to ego problems. 

I remember  an instance when I was the President  of an all India body. In one of the committee meetings  a member unfairly accused me of humiliating him by not featuring his name prominently  in a report on some activity. His tone and language were insulting to me. Instead of arguing with the guy  and justifying my action,  I apologized for hurting him inadvertently  and  promised to take corrective action.  I did not harbor any grudge against the guy for insulting me but decided to be extra nice to him in future. This attitude of mine mellowed the guy so much that he later apologized to me for his impulsive action. We continue to be best of friends even today.

I know of another instance where a friend `B` was having a major problem with one of his siblings who would insult and humiliate B for silly reasons. He was basically jealous of his brother`s success in life. B`s wife was constantly egging him to cut the relationship. But B continued the relationship ignoring all the humiliations. Once when the sibling had a serious accident, he went out of his way to help the guy come out of the crisis. This act of kindness by B, transformed the sibling so much that today he is in best of terms with B.

You cannot claim good relationship with people suddenly to gain some short term advantage.  It has to be genuinely cultivated and nurtured with good deeds and actions over a period of time. `Sharing and caring` is the best way to build relationships.  Good relationships can not only help you in your hours of crisis  but also help you in leading a more purposeful  life.

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