It was on 26th
January, 1972, the Republic Day that both Prabha and I lost our respective
freedoms but acquired partners for life.
The Golden jubilee of our anniversary
would have called for a grand celebration. It is not to be because Prabha left this world on 5th
January,2013, three weeks before our 41st anniversary. Since then I
have not been commemorating this day. But the golden anniversary calls for a
quick review of our married life for 40 years.
Our married life was
like any other marriage. We had our highs and lows, ups & downs, we had our
fights, shouting matches, serious differences on issues but we never allowed any of these to affect our
relationship. We followed a simple rule; never carry any grouse we had for the next day. Every day was
a fresh beginning.
It is true that in the initial
years of our married life I was shocked to find that Prabha did not fit into my social circles because of
her problem in communicating in English.
I have described in detail her trials and tribulations on this score in
my autobiography and how she came out of it through sheer determination and
hard work. While I had played a role in
bringing her out of her shell, the credit for her remarkable turnaround must
entirely go to her! Because as they say, “One can take a horse to the water…”
Though a reluctant starter, Prabha
was a fast learner. Once she got on to
something she would put her heart and
soul into the job. Whether cooking meals
for a small family of 5 or for a party of 40 people, or maintaining her garden
with hundreds of plants with love and care, attending music classes and
learning new songs, or handling any assignment given to her by the neighbor hood Ladies club or the Inner
Wheel, she had proved to be a very dependable and dedicated worker. Her passion for doing things perfectly had
earned her a lot of admirers.
She was a multi talented person
who started blossoming in life after the age of 40. Apart from being a
wonderful housewife and a good mother she was also active in social work. Above
all she had created an identity for herself as an accomplished writer of
stories in Tamil with two books of short stories to her credit. Though I was a
dutiful husband for the first half of our married life it was in the second
half that I truly fell in love with her. I had a ringside view of her evolution
from a shy, introverted individual with low self esteem into a confident
individual willing to take on any challenge coming her way and excelling in
many fields of activities she was involved in she became the dream girl that I
wanted to marry. I was really proud of her.
On the negative side I would say
that the obsession she had for maintaining the fairly big house we had, spic
and span, sometimes drove every one, especially me, go crazy. Anyone or anything that intruded
her daily routine created tension in her.
While it is an excellent quality to be focused, sometime it created explosive
situations between us. I was constantly on the receiving end being admonished
for things that I had or had not done. But considering the overall good that
her hard work did to the household anf thre family, I most often swallowed my pride and got on. I suppose that is a part
of the adjustment that is expected of a spouse in a married life. No wonder to
the outside world we were a model couple.
If I led a very fulfilling life
with a sense of accomplishment, realizing most of my dreams I must acknowledge
the major role played by Prabha in my
life. Thank you Prabha for everything.
And pardon me if I had disappointed you on some scores!
Note: Prabha was not a
sentimental person. She never expressed her feelings for people easily.I was
never sure about what she thought about me as her husband, until I discovered
the following article published in the Golden jubilee souvenir of Inner Wheel
Club of Madras South.
SUPPORT
GIVES STRENGTH
By Prabha Rajan,
(Past President, Inner Wheel
Club of Madras
South (1993-94)
Tuck,
tuck, I can hear the sound of the knife
hitting the cutting board, in the dining hall.
I am smiling to myself. I know
that is my husband cutting vegetables for tomorrow’s cooking. I have to leave early tomorrow for a meeting
and I am preparing my speech. That’s why
he is helping me in the kitchen, so that I can leave early! Yes, he is such a person that he helps me no
matter how busy he may be. Distracted, I
stop my work and my mind goes back to the early days of our married life.
Brought up by a single parent, I was an introvert,
hesitant and shy to talk to any new person.
I was married to an extrovert who was in a top position, in a private
company. I had to converse with all kinds
of people, who spoke different languages and who came from different backgrounds. Entertaining them was the most terrifying job
for me. In all these situations he came
to my rescue, he taught me how to decide the menu, lay the table and entertain
the guests also.
In the home front, living in a joint family, he
would balance both the roles, as a husband and as a son. Once I remember I was not well and couldn’t
get up from bed that morning. He only
said, “Don’t worry, just lie down and sleep for some time. I will tell mother and help her in whatever
way I can”. Such soothing words made me
forget my illness.
In raising our children, he always gave a helping
hand at every stage. He found time to do
a lot of things. When any of us fell
sick, he would be with us at the clinic, or hospital.
Even as a busy businessman, he would make time to
take the children and me out, and fulfilled our every “aasai” (wish)! As the children became old enough to take
care of themselves, he sensed that I was getting bored at home and wanted me to
do something; to have an identity of my own.
He encouraged me to learn music. He discovered my
talent for writing and even had my work published. He was the first person to
be happy when my stories were published in magazines.
He persuaded me to join the Inner Wheel Club of
Madras South, which introduced me to a whole new world. I made new friends and my self-confidence
grew. I became the President of the
IWCMS in 1993-94. My success as the
President of the Club, motivated me to join the local Ladies Club at Sastri
Nagar. I also got involved in other social activities. From just being a
housewife I had transformed myself into a confident human being thoroughly
enjoying my new social status. For this I not only have to thank my supportive
husband but also the members of IWCMS who have always been very encouraging and
supportive in all my activities.
